We've curated our weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
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Very Important News!
Sofia Vergara: says her 'giant boobs' opened doors and were her 'passport to the world' but refuses to go braless in the house
In an interview given to El Pais, Sofia Vergara was asked if she could relate to the character she is playing in Griselda and how many believed the character succeeded based on her "t*** and a**".
Sofia's response was nothing short of a tribute to big-breasted women and big-breasted women appreciators far and wide:
" . . . It would be absurd to deny it or for that to make me feel bad. On the contrary, I’m grateful for [my] life. My giant boobs and my body opened doors for me; they were my passport to the world when I was 20 years old when I started as a model, but today I’m 51 years old and I’m still here."
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. There is nothing wrong with a society that promotes beautiful, balloon-chested, women in the art and entertainment it consumes. This is not uncommon! This is (mostly) Western history, folks! Just look at the Massive Marble Milkers on the Aphrodite of Knidos! Big boobs and big boob enthusiasm have been and should continue to be a healthy part of our culture.
Kudos to Ms. Vergara for being unabashed and proud of her body. She could've easily said something like "oh, I hate the system and my big boobs for perpetuating this anti-feminist blah blah blah". But she didn't, she said she loves her giant boobs and only wishes that more realized that her butt was great too.
What a legend.
Kelly Kapowski: turned 50 years old.
Hooo boy. Every once in a while you stumble upon something that reminds you of your age. Put more succinctly, you learn something that makes you feel old as shit.
Tiffani Amber Thiessen turning 50 years old is one of those things for me. For men of a certain age, TAF is a woman that needs no introduction. She starred as vivacious Kelly Kapowski in Saved By The Bell, one of the most seminal teen-focused tele-dramas of the 1990s.
Many of us watched as Kelly, who was somehow simultaneously head cheerleader and captain of the volleyball, swim, and softball teams, matured through her years at Bayside High. We felt pain every time an episode featured the less attractive Jessie Spano or Lisa Turtle over the angelic Kelly. We were outraged when, while working as a waitress at the Max, she was preyed upon by her boss, the slimy Jeffrey Hunter. We laughed to ourselves when she decided to study for the MCAT. We were relieved when she finally came to her senses and married Zack Morris.
Thiessen went on to play other roles in her career, most notably as the very naughty Valerie Malone on 90210. She also posed for that one NewLook Magazine photoshoot in 1996, which . . . holy shit. And yet, she will forever be remembered for days at Bayside to scores of men in their 30's and 40's.
To know that she's now 50 (and still very, very, hot) makes me feel old, but content that I grew up in an age where Kelly Kapowski - wholesome head cheerleader at Bayside High - was our cultural dream girl - instead of whatever holds that title these days.
Happy Birthday, Tiffani Amber Thiessen.
NY Post: Influencer applauded for telling his girlfriend that her skirt is too short for girls' night out
This guy was a bit overdramatic with his approach. Ultimatums should be reserved as the nuclear option in a relationship, so saying things like "if you walk out that door, I'm done" is an unnecessarily incendiary way of saying "we have an issue here that needs resolving, so don't leave until do." Save that ultimatum heat for something important, like if she keeps moving your keys from the spot where you always put your keys - making it difficult to find your keys in the morning.
All that being said, I agree with his premise. I'm not saying that men should control a woman's body or everything in her wardrobe . . . but dudes are allowed to feel uncomfortable if their girl is leaving the house with her cooz barely shrouded. And yes, I understand that women often dress to impress other women as much as they do to attract the gaze of men who are not their boyfriends.
Sure, whatever, but relationships are partnerships, and if one person feels like their partner is dressing in a way that will invite and/or threaten the foundation of the commitments made . . . I think that's fair! You can dress attractively without exposing the entire club to a gynecological exam! I think your girlfriends will understand if you wear pants or a skirt that extends beyond your upper thigh!
Most importantly, men and women should be empathetic to the concerns of their significant other. If doing a certain thing elicits a certain level of mistrust or disagreement from your partner, you should strongly consider not doing that thing. If you think that they are being completely unreasonable in that request, then it might be time to consider disunion.
I don't know, maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Ladies, , , would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
A couple of weeks back, I introduced the concept of the 'Supportive Significant Other.' SSOs are women, typically coupled with professional athletes, who enthusiastically, and often publicly, advocate for their husbands and/or boyfriends.
I'm not sure that this twerk queen qualifies as an SSO. Yes, her significant other is a **shudders** professional soccer player. Yes, she's she's publicly displaying something (her bum) with enthusiasm. She is not, however, twerking in her husband's jersey. Nor is she twerking after his 'footie' team won a 'match'. No, she is twerking for personal pleasure or reputational gain . . . not in furtherance of her support of her husband.
This is 'for me behavior', not 'for he behavior'.
Now, this isn't to say that she's a bad wife or that their relationship is somehow lesser than those where one spouse openly (with passionately) advocates for the other. This is just an acknowledgment that based on the available evidence . . . she does not exhibit SSO qualities.
That's disappointing, but not fatal. Not everyone is cut out for the SSO life.
As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think of that Twerking Tuchus, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I think we all could've guessed you'd feel that way, Al Pacino from Heat. Can't say I disagree, but I must admit that it would be slightly cooler if those gyrating glutes had been shaking in support of her husband's efforts on the 'pitch'.
Important News!
Donald Trump: won New Hampshire
So Trump won the New Hampshire GOP primary by a lot (11%), but also by less than what the +19.3 RCP polling average predicted. So, yeah, Nikki Haley will likely treat this as a win and probably drag this thing on for another week or so.
Lucky us.
Zero Hedge: is a sm*t blog?
Just saying, that we've never come up with a headline as suggestively spicy as this one . . . and yet people still insinuate that we engage in sm*t blogging activities.
Doesn't seem fair. Doesn't seem right. We are not a sm*t blog.
The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced that the 'Doomsday Clock' is unchanged from last year and the world remains at '90 Seconds to Midnight'.
The 'Doomsday Clock' allegedly measures the current risk to humanity based on whether or not we were at greater risk than the year before. It's a powerful metaphor that was created by a group of scientists who participated in the Manhattan Project and who were justifiably worried that the world might nuke itself into oblivion.
Believe it or not, the original objective of the group has 'evolved' over the years and now shares the same politics as nearly every left-wing group in the world! Unsurprisingly, the clock has continued to tick towards the end of civilization over "climate change" for the past decade.
In the words of warrior-poet, @Goodtweet_man ". . . they should have ended this shit in 1992."
The Other McCain: Craziest Cult Story of the Year (So Far); No More Statues of White Men? and Democratic Socialists of America Now Planning Layoffs Amid Financial ‘Crisis’
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain shares news from the Democratic Socialists of America, who are "facing an internal bloodbath as they beg staff members to volunteer to lose their jobs amid a funding crisis" amid declining "revenue, membership, and overall excitement.”
If you want to take an optimistic view of the world (which I do), then you can look at news like this and see how the Biden presidency has had a very positive influence on this country. Not because Joe Biden has been good for America, mind you, but because he's been so unpopular that he's dragged down any ideas tangentially associated with him, his policies, and/or his administration.
I have always said that the best antidote for progressivism is for people to suffer through progressive governance. People are getting a taste of what Bernie Sanders-style socialism would look like and they're spitting it back out.
We are winning. We will win. All is well.
Animal Magnetism: Animal’s Hump Day News
The one in which Animal shared a piece of classical music from Edvard Grieg that I had never heard before:
This was good. Very good. Consider yourself culturally edified.
David Thompson: Your Host’s Idea Of Hell
The one where David shares with you a speech delivered to a room of future educators by an assistant professor at the University of Toronto who specializes in “radical leadership for social change,” “diversity,” “equity,” and painting his nails.
After watching that video, why do things feel simultaneously hopeful and hopeless? Like, the system is run by people who can barely put together a coherent sentence. Yet the system is also so powerful that it could put someone like this in a place of authority.
Important Sports News!
The NFL Playoffs: my predictions were not great!
So I went 2-2 last week. Not great!
Thankfully, the Packers lost due to Flappr-endorsed All-American Boy, Brock Purdy, heroically leading the Niners to a go-ahead touchdown and Jordan Love throwing a hilariously inept game-ending interception. Life is still worth living, folks!
I did miss both AFC games last weekend. I am coming around to the idea that we are in the midst of the Patrick Mahomes era, he owns the AFC and will continue to vanquish all challengers for the next 15 years. Consider this - Mahomes has reached the AFC Championship in each of his six years as a starter. That being said, I think the Ravens will win on Sunday because I'm dumb and won't listen to my own advice.
Only three NFL football games left this season. Let's hope they're good ones!
A Fascinating Sports Thing: Bill Walsh was passed over by the Bengals.
For the majority of my adult life, the Bengals have been a pretty shitty franchise. More specifically, they were terrible in the 90's - when they did not have a winning season. The Niners have been the polar opposite, winning fairly consistently for nearly four decades. More specifically, the Niners were awesome in the 80's and 90's - when they racked up five Super Bowls based on teams coached and/or built by legendary coach, Bill Walsh (though he was not the coach for two of them).
Things could've turned out differently had legendary Browns coach and then current Bengals coach and owner, Paul Brown, hired Bill Walsh after decided to retire following the 1975 season. Walsh was serving as the Bengals quarterbacks coach at the time and it was in Cincinnati where Walsh developed the now famous "West Coast Offense". Instead of hiring Walsh, Paul Brown allegedly attempted to ruin his career as revenge for resigning after he was passed over. According to Walsh, Paul Brown "called whoever he thought was necessary to keep me out of the NFL." It worked, for a while - with Walsh having to head to Stanford to prove that he could handle head coaching duties.
Then, in 1979, the Niners hired Walsh to be their head coach and two years later he led them to their first Super Bowl victory over . . . the Bengals. Walsh went on to win two more titles in the 1980s and his legacy continues to this day with members of his coaching tree - which includes Mike Holmgren, Andy Reid, Mike Shanahan, and a whole host of other dudes who went on to win Super Bowls:
Would Walsh have had the same success in Cincinnati without Joe Montana? It's hard to say, but . . . probably, yes he would have. Walsh was a genius offensive mind and a tremendous talent scout, drafting 18 players selected to the Pro Bowl and four Hall of Famers (not including Steve Young, whom Walsh acquired via trade after he flamed out in Tampa Bay).
I did not know many of the details surrounding Walsh's time in Cincinnati or about his relationship with Paul Brown until recently. This was a sliding doors moment in NFL history that I don't think gets talked about enough. I'm not sure that many people under the age of 40 know much about any of this.
I thought it was a fascinating sports thing to learn. I hope you did too.
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: The Bills Dynasty Is Finally Over
From the article:
"But it would appear that the window that fate had opened for Buffalo is about to slam down on its fingers . . . [a]s the sun rises on its offseason, Buffalo has the 4th worst salary cap number in the league, at $43.7 million over. Which is about $20 million more than the 5th worst team, according to Over the Cap. And 2025 is almost as bad. These past few seasons have seen them [spins the cliche wheel] going for it. Loading up. Making a run in Josh Allen's prime. With no hardware to show for it. Not even a single Lamar Hunt Consolation prize."
Unfortunately, I think this is correct. This was the Bills' chance. The Chiefs were weakened, Mahomes was beset by a diminished (and pussy distracted) Kelce and a bunch of receivers that couldn't catch the ball. The Bills were hot, had won six straight, they finally had a running game, they finally got a playoff game against Mahomes in their building, in front of their crazed fans, in the weather. . . and he still tore their hearts out.
This was it, the Bills pushed their chips in and it didn't work out. The team has serious salary cap issues and their roster is going to look different next year and not in a good way. Now, all hope is not lost. Josh Allen is still young and has several years of his prime still left - but the roster will need to be rebuilt and that will take some time. I would assume that this is the last time we will be seeing Buffalo this deep in the playoffs for a few years.
Page Six: Olivia Culpo wears custom 49ers bustier
Olivia Culpo is an actress, model, and beauty queen who won Miss USA and Miss Universe. She is also fiance to 49ers all-world running back, Christian McCaffrey. She wore a custom-made 49ers bustier to watch her man play in the playoffs last week. She posted photos of herself wearing the custom-made 49ers bustier all over social media.
See the difference between this example and the soccer player's wife above?
Culpo is a huge star in her own right (probably a bigger celebrity than McCaffrey) but put aside the 'for me behavior' to show the world she supported her man by wearing a bustier emblazoned with his team's name and logo. The matching gloves she wore . . . had his name embroidered.
This is peak 'for he behavior'. Olivia Culpo is the epitome of an SSO. Wed her soon, Mr. McCaffrey.
Yahoo: Jared Goff's Fiancee Christen Harper Takes Fans Inside Rowdy Detroit Lions Party Bus Celebration
Christen Harper is a model and (sort of) actress, who was named Co-Rookie of the Year by Sports Illustrated after appearing in its 2022 Swimsuit Edition. She is also Jared Goff's fiancee and a certifiable SSO.
Back in 2021, Goff's first year in Detroit, Harper was busy fulfilling her dream of being photographed in swimwear while Jared was leading the Lions to their first victory of the season. Thankfully someone was able to capture the moment when Christen learned of her boyfriend's success:
Wholesome, captivating, and very supportive. Goff wisely popped the question to Harper in early 2022. More recently, Christen could be found wearing a custom-made Lions varsity jacket that features her fiancée's name stitched onto the back.
She will likely travel with Jared to San Francisco this weekend to take on Olivia Culpo, the 49ers, and their other SSOs. Who will win (probably the Niners)? It's difficult to say (but probably the Niners)! The best we can hope for is that the players on the field are supported, publicly, by their significant others.
BSO: Volleyball Player Kayla Simmons [sic] Flaunt Massive ‘Front Goodies’ In Tight Top And Tiny Underwear
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: it would appear that the BSO we all know and love is back, folks. This headline has it all. It's literal, accurately describing how (former) Volleyball player, Kayla Simmons, is actively showing off her body. It's direct, pulling no punches when conveying the tininess of her undergarments. It contains a grammatical error. It includes a hilariously literal, direct, and sophomoric characterization of her breasts as 'Front Goodies'.
It's perfect. It's the perfect BSO headline. On some level, it feels like they posted this story just for me so that I could write about it and share it with you.
Yes, this was a very literal BSO headline. I love you. Life is beautiful.
Very Important Meme of the Week
Look, folks, I genuinely tried to not give meme of the week to Flappr's Chief Legal Correspondent, @jarvis_best for the second week in a row. Jarvis is a penis (an overly curved, lumpy, haggard-looking one) and the admitted personification of "the worst top 40 [radio] station."
The thought of showering Jarvis with adulation for the second consecutive week makes me nauseous. But just look at this one.
It was the perfect meme to make on Wednesday as people were reacting to Hillary Clinton's cringe-worthy condolence tweet to Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig after they didn't receive Oscar nominations. It's simple, clever, and expertly calls back to Clinton's iconic "Happy birthday to this future president" tweet.
It's the kind of tweet that's so good that it makes me genuinely upset that I didn't think of it first. Jarvis is good at making such tweets. It's infuriating. Fuck him.
When reached for comment on what it meant to him to win back-to-back 'Meme of the Week' honors, Mr. Best offered the following response:
You don't have to like it. You do have to respect it. You do have to acknowledge that this banger was the meme of the week.
So good. 10/10. Jarvis still sucks.
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