top of page

Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 6.21.24

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.

It’s Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!

We will deliver T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday if you subscribe to our blog!

Very Important News!

Hmph . . . that's counterintuitive, no? Well, according to the article, researchers at the University of Southhampton conducted a study on the performance of sports bras and discovered that women with Prodigious Pleasure Ploughs perspire less than their Pygmy Pokies counterparts. As part of this study, scientists measured the sweat production of 22 women, ranging from age 18 to 55, as they jogged for 45 minutes in a 90-degree heat. It was here that the scientists at Southhampton say they made their "most exciting finding" as the experiment showed that "larger-breasted women presented fewer sweat glands" and produced less sweat on, under, and around their Mammoth Mommy Milkers.

I have thoughts.

First, conceptually, it's very funny that scientists assembled a group of women, had them run around in the heat, and measured how much their boobies sweat. Likewise, I love how they framed big boobs sweating less than small ones as their "most exciting finding" because that's something I would write as a joke.

Secondly, this is the type of study that should be conducted at the Flappr Institute of Anatomical Research, but we don't have the resources, I don't think we'd find any willing participants and my wife would kill me.

Finally, this story made me feel sympathetic towards Females with Fair-sized Feeders. Gals with Gallon-sized Glands already soak up most of the attention. The supposed upside of having Moderately Measured Melons has always been that they are more manageable and allow for a higher quality of life. But now we've learned that such bosoms are more prone to perspiration. That just doesn't seem fair, does it? I feel for you ladies. All Milkers Matter.

This request will likely go unfulfilled, but I would like it if the women reading this blog (all three of you) would share your thoughts on this topic. Maybe we can turn it into a series of interviews or something. I swear it won't be exploitative or pervy. I pinky swear. Something to think about. Could be fun.

Moving on . . .

Halle Berry hasn't had many big roles in blockbuster films over the past decade, so I suspect that your average 20-something doesn't properly appreciate her cultural import to men of my generation and older. Berry, now 57, though still looks 35, starred in some of the most iconic films of the 90s and 00s. After scoring small, but scene-stealing roles in "Jungle Fever" and "Boomerang", Berry started to become a familiar face after appearing in bigger-budget, more mainstream films like The Flintstones and Executive Decision in the mid-90s. Yet, it would be her work in the early 00s that truly entrenched her in the minds of young men.

In 2000, Berry was cast as "Storm" in Fox's X-Men franchise, a role she would reprise three more times over the next decade. She then starred in Swordfish, where the producers paid her a $500,000 bonus to pop her top in a poolside scene that I bet you're visualizing as you read this blog. In fact, I'd wager that Halle's Berries were the first set of bosoms some of you had ever seen on film:

Given the number of DVDs and VHS tapes sold (and that consequently had to be repurchased due to excessive rewinding), I'd say that bonus was worth every penny.

Berry's next role was in Monster's Ball, where she played a waitress with an obese son, a dead husband and a shitty car. The film is incredibly depressing, but Berry's performance won her the Academy Award for Best Actress - the first black woman to take home that award.

I'm not sure if she was paid a nudity bonus for the film, but it does include a long, explicit, sex scene between Berry and Billy Bob Thornton. It was raunchy. Billy Bob takes her to "pound town". Actually, I bet you're visualizing THAT scene as you read this blog. I won't judge you. It's an iconic scene.

Her filmography after winning the Oscar . . . not as great. Most of these films are most memorable for being bad, most notably, Catwoman in 2004, which wasn't based on the Catwoman from Batman, but sort of was? The movie was terrible and not in the "this is so bad it's enjoyable" way. Things haven't improved much in recent years, though she's still finding work and recently directed her first film, Bruised, for HBO. Good for her.

So, anyway, you get the idea - Halle Berry's career is a bit of a mosaic of inspiring triumphs and humbling setbacks, but includes some of the most memorable moments in film history from the past 25 years. Oh, and she posted a video of her boobs popping out on Instagram. That was the impetus for this whole walk down Mammary Lane.

Thank you for your time.

This Paisana from the boot-shaped Peninsula wants to sing the anthem naked. That's the raunchy twist. I bet you're shocked! Who could have guessed that this Italian model, who is known for "controversial stunts" like "oral sex tours" would resort to such raunchiness?!

You know, there's another way to convey a similar message . . . she could NOT sing the Italian anthem naked and instead marry a nice Italian boy, start a family, and raise some little bambinos with him. THAT behavior would also convey to the world that you're a woman, Christian, and Italian.

For some reason, I don't think she'd be as interested in making that statement - though I'd argue in 2024 nothing seems as radical as just being a normal person.

Oh well, I do respect her patriotism.

Elden Ring DLC - Shadow of the Erdtree has dropped.

I don't often write much about video games because I don't play many these days. I did play Elden Ring, though, and it was fucking great. I loved Elden Ring so much that I named it the best video game of the past 10 years in a blog I wrote that you didn't read because it didn't have TITS in the title (oh well).

This much-hyped game, developed by FromSoftware, creators of the Dark Souls series, came out in February of 2022, has sold 25 million copies and received near-universal praise from critics and gamers alike. The game won basically every award, including Game of the Year at the 2022 Game Awards. Elden Ring is a masterpiece and now we're getting a chance to return to The Lands Between to die and fuck shit up again (but mostly just die) in Shadow of the Erdtree, the first DLC content released for the base game.

I am excited for this. Elden Ring Game Director, Hidetaka Miyazaki, is a rare auteur who transcends his peers and the canvas he creates. Miyazaki is one of the few directors in gaming that people know by name, and line up to purchase whatever he's selling. He's kind of like Scorsese, Tarantino, or Nolan in that sense. Whatever this little Japanese man has in store for us, will be fun, insanely difficult, creatively inspired, worth the price of purchase, and, most importantly, a lot of fun.

If I don't find time to write next week's blog, it will be because I wasted too many hours refusing to change my playstyle and dying repeatedly to the same boss.

Regular News!

To summarize, over the past couple of weeks, clips of Biden looking lost, bewildered, and/or walking around aimlessly have begun circulating on the internet. The problem for the White House is that the people noticing and talking about these clips are high-profile, traditional, libtards.

For instance, Piers Morgan shared a clip of Obama helping guide Biden off the stage at a recent celebrity fundraiser and said "So embarrassing. The Democrats can’t let this go on, surely?” Morgan's comments led billionaire, Bill Ackman, to add his thoughts, saying “A president should not have to be led off stage by hand or with an arm wrapped around him" which led Mark Cuban to defend Biden and Barbra Streisand, in a twist of poetic irony, to draw attention to the situation by telling people to ignore it as "disinformation."

Put simply, the White House, which typically relies on the media to not report on inconvenient truths, is struggling to suffocate the narrative on these clips because the discussion isn't just happening on Fox News. So without a good option, Karine Jean-Pierre decided to say that the clips were fake. But they're not fake. I'm not sure if this will work or not, but if it does, we will all get what we deserve.

That's the story here. Either people will buy the bullshit fed to them or they won't. I'm not sure what to think, but part of me is willing to believe that people are starting to wake up. We shall see.

The Polls: virtually no change from last week

Not much to report here other than Trump inched up a bit in Arizona (+.4). It wasn't all good news for the former president, however, as a PBS/Marist poll released this week showed that Trump lost six points with independents compared to the same group polled before his conviction. Biden and Trump are now tied among independents according to that poll.

It will be interesting to see how these numbers change after next week's debate - if it even occurs.

The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares word from the land (formerly) filled with beautiful, blonde, pig-tailed women.

"Sweden has a population of about 10.5 million, or about the same as the state of North Carolina. Twenty years ago, you had to seek out “far right” sources (which, of course, I did) to learn anything about the problems caused by immigration in Sweden. Many of the atrocity tales came from the city of Malmö which, for some reason, was a magnet for Third World immigration and Malmö became notorious as a “no-go zone” ruled by violent foreign gangs. After the surge of migrants circa 2015, however, a taboo topic that was once relegated to obscure right-wing blogs has recently become the subject of mainstream journalism"

This is a, really, interesting article from The Other McCain. It's filled with eye-popping stats, like "the gun murder rate in capital Stockholm was around 25 times higher than in London" and "[s]ince the police began keeping such statistics in 2018, there have been at least 650 recorded bombings in Sweden". The blog offers a haunting look at the high cost of progressive immigration policies and should be read in its entirety. Highly recommend.

The one where David shares a fascinating look at a piece on the oppressive horrors of silence:

"Ms Gonzalez, who repeatedly mentions how “minority” and “of colour” she is, also tells us how she, “just wanted to be around people in places where nobody told us to shush.” Say, when being a late-night annoyance to roommates and neighbours, a thing that by her own account happens repeatedly. . . "

You won't believe this, but this was published in The Atlantic. You will believe that because that's what The Atlantic has become. Did so a long time ago.

Sports! Sports! Sports!

The Stanley Cup: Down 3-2, but the Oilers look dangerous.

The Oilers dropped Game 3 of this series and found themselves down 3-0 in the series, but they did something in the third period of that game that they hadn't done much of in 8 periods prior . . . they scored goals on Sergei Bobrovsky. In Game 4, they scored 5 more, chasing the presumptive Vezina-winning netminder from the game in the second period and winning the game 8-1. In Game 5, they scored 4 more goals on Bobrovsky to force Game 6 tonight, back in Edmonton.

Only one team has ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a Stanley Cup Finals - the 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs. I'm not sure that we're going to see a repeat of that feat 82 years later, but this Oilers team looks dangerous. I think the Panthers will ultimately find a way to win this series, but they looked rattled in Game 5 before regaining their confidence and taking it to the Oilers over the final 30 minutes of that game. If the Oilers can force a Game 7, all bets are off.

The Celtics: are your 2024 NBA Champions

I don't enjoy watching the NBA and I've always hated the Celtics, but I have become a fan of Boston head coach Joe Mazulla. From what I've learned about Mazulla in the last month, he's Catholic, does jiu-jitsu, and seems potentially based.

When asked about the importance of the finals featuring two black head coaches, Mazulla responded with “I wonder how many of those have been Christian coaches.” And, after winning the trophy on Monday, Mazulla threw on a shirt that read “But first… let me thank God.” He walks the court while praying the rosary before games. That's pretty cool. If we find out he only attends Latin mass . . . well, that would be something to talk about further.

Over the past few weeks, I produced gifs of Bill Belichick appearing alongside sports influencer eGirls because they made me laugh. The concept and visual of Bill Belichick scouting the likes of Paige Spiranac and Kayla Simmons seemed so absurd to me that I couldn't help but keep making them. Turns out that I may have, once again, memed something into existence. An example:

I am a bit disappointed in BB. Dating a 24-year-old is unbecoming of the 72-year-old man that I hold in such high regard. This is behavior befitting a thrice divorced owner of a used car dealership, not the guy who crafted the greatest modern sports dynasty out of grit, hoodies, and dogged pursuit of greatness. You're better than this, Bill! You should be dating a MILF in her 40s or early 50s!

The details of Bill's romance game are pretty inspired, though. According to TMZ, the couple met during a flight to Florida in 2021 after Belichick leaned over and asked the then-college student about Deductive Logic, a book she was reading. This classic ice-breaking maneuver sparked a conversation about philosophy and led Belichick to autograph her book with a custom message, thanking her for giving him a "course on logic" and wishing her "safe travels". Dear Lord, that must have saturated her panties. Belichick capped off his pursuits by listing the years of his Super Bowl wins underneath his signature, which is a very strong, masculine, power move by a man on the hunt for co-eds.

You know what, I take it all back. Belichick is a modern-day Don Juan. Women are powerless to resist his advances and he would've been a fool to waste his gifts on less challenging conquests. I apologize, Mr. Belichick. I am sorry to have ever doubted you, coach and I am proud to have helped meme this not-at-all embarrassing relationship into existence. I just hope that Jordon is a good SSO.

I often highlight examples of top-tier Supportive Significant Others ("SSOs), like Oliva Culpo, Jena Sims, and Kate Upton, so it's probably a good practice to provide examples of poor-quality SSO behavior as well.

According to the article, Rory McIlroy announced he was divorcing his wife, Erica Stoll, on May 13th, leading the Daily Mail to report McIlroy may be dating CBS media personality, Amanda Balinois (who is also married). Apparently, Balinois appeared on TV without her wedding ring on, which kind of added fuel to the fire.

But then, right before the U.S. Open, Rory announced that he was reuniting with his wife and voluntarily dismissed his divorce petition. The whole thing is very high drama and confusing, but the point here is that Rory had no SSO with him on Sunday at the U.S. Open. If he had been a good SSO himself, perhaps Erica (or Amanda) would've been by his side and provided him with the type of support that only an SSO can provide.

Therefore, it's no stretch of facts or logic to conclude that Rory's epic collapse at Pinehurst was directly caused by his poor SSO behavior. Rory being a bad SSO caused him to lose his SSO, which caused him to lose what would have been his first major championship in a decade. This is undeniably true.

Be good to your SSOs, gents.

We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):

Yes, that's Mikayla Demaiter, and yes, she does perform a "slow-mo beach run" in what many would consider a "tiny bikini". This is a very literal BSO headline.

That's all well and good, but I think BSO has started having AI assist with the writing of their boobie blogs. I'm not one to cast baseless accusations and would be happy to be proven wrong, but their writing feels much more . . . sterilized and vanilla lately. For example, read this passage from the blog linked above:

"It’s not every day that you see a professional ice hockey player ditching the rink for the sandy shores, but that’s exactly what Mikayla Demaiter did recently when she was spotted doing a slow-motion beach run in a tiny bikini. Known for her skills on the ice, Demaiter decided to show off her athletic prowess in a completely different setting, and fans couldn’t get enough of it. . . . Demaiter’s slow-motion beach run is a reminder that athletes are more than just their sport. They are complex individuals with passions and interests beyond the playing field, and they deserve the chance to express themselves in a variety of ways."

Now compare what you just read to the following passage from a Mikayla Demaiter blog written by the same author back in 2022:

"Female hockey goalie Mikayla Demaiter has announced on Instagram that she’s back but she didn’t just announce it with nothing. She gave her fans something to go crazy about . . . Demaiter is some premium Canadian milk for those who like to partake on the milk yacht."

See what I mean? The first excerpt, in addition to being riddled with errors, reads like a lightly edited copy/paste output from an AI prompt. The prose lacks the charm and common-man character that jumps off the page in his earlier work. This makes me sad. I hope I am wrong. An LLM will never produce something as elegant as referring to Mikayla as "premium Canadian milk" or as brilliant as referring to breast enthusiasts as "those who like to partake on the milk yacht".

What a troubling way to end this blog. 400 words on why BSO should (potentially) stop using AI to write its boobie blogs.

Meme of the Week!

This week's honor goes to meming legend, @grandoldmemes, for this very funny take on Karine Jean-Pierre's "cheap fake" excuse for unedited clips of Joe Biden suffering from cognitive and physical decline. And when I say that @grandoldmemes is a legend, I'm not exaggerating - his memes have been shared by seemingly everyone, including Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Jr., and basically every other meme account on the internet.

This meme was a MONSTER that racked up 2.8M views, over 3.6K RTs, and over 27K likes. The tweet was so good that Tiffany Gomas, the TMFINR lady and inspiration for the meme, QT'd the meme and expressed her approval:

I asked @grandoldmemes to provide a comment on his win this week and here's what he shared with me for publication:

Well said, king. So true.

Some Flappr Blogs!

1 Comment

Jun 21

I read that piece you wrote on Elden Ring. It made me interested in a RPG which I haven’t been in a long time. Viva Italia. Maybe that Italian singer will pop her top like that Oilers lady.

bottom of page