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Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 6.14.24

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.


It’s Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!


We will deliver T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday if you subscribe to our blog!

 
Very Important News!


Padma Lakshmi Boobs

Padma Lakshmi is probably to the left of Karl Marx on most issues, but she's undeniably beautiful, and wields a set of Pendulous Panentheistic Pani Puris that make all the Punjabi boys cry out for "cloth off". Lakshmi started as a model but became a household name after joining Season 2 of Top Chef, where she served as a host and judge from 2006 through 2023. Wow, it's crazy that show has been on so long . . . that's one of those things that reminds oneself of their age.


Anyways, I didn't choose to highlight this story to give Padma a proverbial Bangalore Blow Job just for creating a new lingerie line. No, we're examining this article for a far more stupid reason - to help settle a debate I found myself in over whether or not Salma Hayek's breasts are real or fake.


You see . . . I responded to a tweet from @Oilfield_Rando asking, "who has the better pair?" alongside photos of Hayek and the wholesome Oilers flasher girl ("WOFG"). My opinion was that this was not an apples-to-apples comparison (or a "melons-to-melons" comparison, as I cleverly phrased it) because WOFG sported "silos of silicone supremacy" while Hayek's "Montezuman Maracas appear to be all natural". This led some to incorrectly comment that I "got this so backwards" and that WOFG had natural breasts while Hayek's were surgically enhanced.


Now, WOFG partially vindicated my take when she confirmed on Spittin Chiclet's that her breasts are fake (more on that below), but concerning Hayek's Howitzers, I remain convinced that they are natural, despite photographic evidence of said Mexican Moo Moos having grown exponentially over time.


Salma Hayek over the Years

This brings us back to the article at hand, wherein Lakshmi confessed that her breasts "keep getting bigger" as she ages - growing from a 34C bra size to 36DD. Likewise, Hayek has gone on record stating that her breasts are natural and have kept growing during life changes like pregnancy, menopause, and periods of weight gain. In 2021, the Massively Milker'd Mesoamerican Moviestar explained in an interview that "there are some women that when you gain weight, your boobs grow, and other women that when you have children and you breastfeed your boobs grow and they don’t go back down, and then in some of the cases when you are in menopause, they grow again.” I don't think most men understand this phenomenon. Yet, a scholar of such anatomical delights (like myself) does.


Now, she could be lying, but we no longer live in a society where surgical enhancements are looked down upon by the public. As far as incentives go, an actress in 2024 is more likely to be applauded for her honesty and "body positivity" than face damage to her career for admitting she had enhanced her God-given assets. Most importantly, as Salma's Yucatan Yowzers have grown, they have retained a natural shape and density - bunching when stuffed into a bikini top and jiggling as expected when bouncing. More or less, they do not look like two basketballs bolted onto her chest.


Salma Hayek Bikini Boobs

Please note that I took no pleasure in conducting this purely journalistic and scientific examination, but I felt like Ms. Hayek's honor deserved defending. Moreover, I am right and the haters and losers (of which there are many) who doubted my expertise are wrong and can go fuck themselves.



Oilers Flasher Girl Real

After a week of remaining in anonymity, Kate, my favorite WOFG, appeared on Barstool Sports’ “Spittin Chiclets” podcast this past Monday. When asked why she decided to pop her top and expose her Ebullient Edmontonian Eye-Gougers, WOFG replied "You know, what… I don’t know. The handful of Cheezies that I ate all day and the eight Trulys I drank in the first period was definitely inspiring." Adding that "we were all going crazy. It wasn’t planned or anything… and yeah it just kind of happened." She would later go on to confirm that, despite claims to the contrary from idiots in our replies, her breasts are, indeed, augmented.


WOFG is exactly what I was hoping WOFG would be. She's a cute, blue-collared, Canadian gal who had a few too many hard seltzers and unsheathed the girls at a watch party for her team. That's as Canadian as Blueberry Grunt (which I am led to believe is the Canadian analog to apple pie). She works at an oil field, she loves the Oilers and she's trying to return to a life of anonymity. When asked if she was going to accept any of the several salacious offers to expose herself again, she replied that "I'm definitely not interested in doing porn." Very wholesome.





What more could you ask for from WOFG? She's a WOFG and the sheepish, regretful, tone she takes in that interview only made me like her more. If the Oilers are smart, they will have her at all remaining home games this cup run. Make it happen, cowards.



Ivanka Trump Bikini

One of the most frustrating things about media coverage from late 2015 through early 2021 was how journos (specifically fashion and culture journos) went to great lengths to pretend that Ivanka and Melania weren't world-class beauties. You didn't have to like The Donald to at least acknowledge that his daughter and the First Lady were attractive, and stylish and represented the US with class.


Here's a fun Friday quiz for you - how many times were Ivanka and Melania (combined) featured on the cover of major distribution magazines after Donald Trump took office? If you answered ZERO, you'd be correct.


By comparison, renowned beauty, Michelle Obama, was featured 12 times during her husband's 8 years in office and revered fashionista, Jill Biden, has been featured twice, including being the first FLOTUS to be featured on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar in its 155-year history. Makes total sense!


Whatever, it doesn't matter, but it's another one of those little things you tend to notice over the years. When you consider the accomplishments of Ms. Trump (married for 15 years, has three children, successful businesswoman) she has nothing to dwell upon. Yet, the contrast in the way she was treated by the media is particularly glaring during a week in which the current First Son was convicted for lying about being a crackhead when purchasing a firearm.


Anywa-OH NO, is that Al Pacino from Heat's music?



Geez, Al Pacino from Heat, this is the former, potentially soon-to-be current First Daughter of the United States we're talking about here. She's a mother . . . and this is pretty disrespectful if I'm being honest. Though, I suppose it's nice that you're giving due admiration to a derriere that's much less enormous than your usual preferences. I guess if you put a gun to my head I'd say her bottom is . . . No. I'm not going to offer my opinion here, I have too much regard for Ivanka.


You're a real sick SOB sometimes, Al Pacino from Heat, you know that?


 
Regular News!




Was this supposed to make anyone feel better? Yes, Hunter Biden was convicted of a crime he DID commit. He said he wasn't an active drug user on the firearm form and his text messages show that he was meeting up with his dealer a day later. So yeah, he deserved the same fate as any other American would've received. But this only happened after a judge happened to question the Biden DOJ’s insane plea deal that would've granted him immunity from future crimes and looked suspiciously crafted to protect his dad from investigation.


We still haven't gotten any real investigation into what Hunter Biden meant when he texted a Chinese energy official “I am sitting here with my father and we would like to understand why the commitment made has not been fulfilled... I am sitting here waiting for the call with my father.” We don't know what commitments were promised. We've never gotten an explanation of why Hunter was reserving a 10% stake in a Chinese energy company for "the Big Guy" or why the Biden family needed so many shell corporations to keep things so secretive.


So, I guess the answer from my perspective is no, this does not make me feel better about the "rule of law" in America. The president's son being convicted of his most minor crime only after the DOJ got caught trying to give him a sweetheart deal does not prove that the justice system is impartial. I don't even think the laws Hunter Biden violated are just or proper. They don't save lives and they're too easily deployed after the fact to prosecute undesirables. Go figure.






We are a perilously polarized country. We agree on very little these days. Most will adopt the contrary opinion on a given issue out of sheer spite for the opposing tribe. I reckon that if a pollster asked 1000 RVs if "finding 20 dollars on the street was fun", we'd somehow find a way to land 50/50 on the issue.


So, to see Americans land 62/38 on an immigration question is shocking. And to see Americans land 62/38 on the question of whether or not the federal government should create a new program to deport all undocumented immigrants made my jaw hit the floor. Again, the question here wasn't "Should we limit new immigration" it was "Should we deport all undocumented immigrants currently living in the U.S. illegally?" Holy shit, Americans are finally pissed.



The cross tabs are even more fascinating. 53% of Hispanics(!), 62% of moderates, and 61% of Millennials all favor this idea. Even 38% of self-described Democrats support a program to deport all the illegals! Look how far we've come since the "kids in cages" narrative was screeched on MSNBC each day. I credit Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbot, and other red state governors for sending illegals to "sanctuary cities" and giving those who live there an opportunity to realize the real-life costs of virtue signaling. Well done, gentlemen, that might have been the most effective GOP political maneuver in my lifetime.


The Polls: virtually no change from last week



Not much to report here other than Trump inched up a bit in Arizona (+.2) and took a bit of a dip in Nevada (-.1).



The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares wisdom on memorializing our warrior forebears:


"As Americans, we are the heirs of a tradition, profoundly indebted to earlier generations, and owing them a certain duty of gratitude. We must recall that “We the People” ordained the Constitution to “secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.” If we are grateful for that inheritance — as we should be — then we ought to act in such a manner as to show ourselves worthy of our liberty, considering what tremendous sacrifices were required to obtain and keep it."


This was a poignant Memorial Day piece by RSM. Highly encourage everyone to give it a read a learn about an American family's lineage of military service.



The one where David shares news from an electric motor scooter rental company taking drastic action to prevent the desecration of our most hallowed religious symbols:


"Lime, a popular electric scooter and bike rental service, has announced it will be implementing a “no-go zone” around a crosswalk painted with a large Pride flag mural in Spokane, Washington. The crosswalk has become the center of much discussion after the arrest of multiple teens for making skid marks on the painted pavement… The scooter rental company at the center of the alleged “acts of vandalism” has now… implemented a “no-go zone” over the crosswalk, meaning scooters driven over the mural will be remotely shut down."


I will not advocate for the intentional destruction or defacement of any public property. I will note, however, that this flag is painted on the road. It's a road. The three teens arrested in Spokane are being charged with first-degree felonies and face up to 5 years in prison. Coincidentally, no arrests or citations were issued last weekend after pro-Hamas protestors injured two officers and defaced statues of the Marquis de Lafayette and Jean-Baptiste Donatien de Vimeur, comte de Rochambeau outside the White House.



Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is that if you're going to engage in political protest, make sure you're protesting something that the local governing body supports either expressly or tacitly. **shrugs**



 
Sports! Sports! Sports!

The Stanley Cup Finals: Panthers in control



I'm writing this before Game 3 tonight in Edmonton. The Panthers are up 2-0 mostly due to the efforts of all-world goaltender, Sergei Bobrovsky, who has only allowed 1 goal on 52 shots thus far (a .980 SV% - that's good). Goalie Bob is only the third goalie to have allowed one or fewer goals in the first two games of the Stanley Cup Finals in the last 50 years (that's also good). He's just been that good and has been all season long. Observe how he uses his positioning and steeled nerves to turn a breakaway into a fairly easy save:



Not all hope is lost for Edmonton. The Oilers dominated Game 1, outshooting the Panthers 32-18 but still somehow losing 3-0. Things weren't as promising in Game 2, but a return to home ice with an insane crowd (that hopefully includes a WOFG with BFTs) and having the best player in the world on your roster are reasons to believe that the Oilers might be able to solve Bobrovsky and make this a series. By the time you're reading this, we will already have our answer.


Seriously, WOFG better be at this game or all hope is lost.


The NBA Finals: Celtics probably going to win



I've tuned in for about 10 minutes of this series and was reminded how unwatchable modern basketball has become. Boston is up 3-0. It's all three-pointers now. Very boring. College is more entertaining.



Caitlin clark block

Rizzotti isn't wrong here, technically. It was not her job to pick players based on viewership numbers. And yet, this same Jen Rizzotti recently acknowledged the importance of ratings, ticket sales, sponsorships, and "investing in the WNBA" to help "pay players more" because "at the end of the day, it’s a business." Yeah, she's right there too . . . so, surprisingly, Team USA chose to forgo a chance to "invest in women" by sidelining the single most popular female athlete in the country right now and the only female basketball player who's ever really attained mainstream normie notoriety.


If I had to guess, the selection committee desperately wanted to add Clark to the roster but heard enough complaints from members of the almost exclusively black (and lesbian) veteran roster that they chose to avert one disaster instead of another. If Clark had been selected, she might not have played much, and fans would be clamoring for her to be put into the game. This would have likely only exacerbated the jealousy of other female basketball players and created more cattiness that would've inevitably leaked out to the media.


As a result, Women's Basketball will not be the appointment television event it could've been with Clark on the roster. Fewer people will watch, and the sport has blown a huge opportunity to reach new fans. So, yeah, sure, the "integrity" of the selection process needed to be respected, or whatever, but don't come crying about how it's unfair that WNBA players only make $102,751 a year when these women are actively torpedoing their golden goose. Womp. Womp.




Joey Chestnut eating a shitload of hotdogs on the Fourth of July has become an American tradition, so it's sad to hear that he's been booted out of this year's contest. The whole situation is weird, but if what's being reported is true (that he was demanding to eat vegan hot dogs instead of beef), then he should be banned and he's the greatest American traitor since Benedict Arnold. But, I'm guessing there is probably more than meets the eye here - Chestnut probably wants more money or something. Let's hope we they can figure this out and we avert a new national crisis.


With respect to Paige Spiranac taking his place, I applaud her multi-disciplinary skills, but I must admit that I hope she's not chosen. Competitive eating is a disgusting sport, suited best for small Japanese people, the morbidly obese and unicorns like Chestnut. The thought of seeing Paige Spiranac covered in water, hot dog juices, small parts of masticated beef and bits of soggy buns is not the way Paige Spiranac should be appreciated. This would be off putting and potentially ruin one of Paige's most patriotic IG thirst traps:


Paige Spiranac Hot Dog

You just don't mess with this type of iconography.



Mikayla Demaiter Boobs

I read this article expecting (hoping) to learn about the picnicking adventures of Hockey Goalie, Mikayla Demaiter - an oft-featured subject of this blog. You know what I didn't find? Hockey Goalie, Mikayla Demaiter going on a picnic. I didn't find anything picnic-related at all! And yes, I know that Mikayla captioned her post with "life always seems like a picnic when I’m around" but that's not "going on a picnic", that's being in a picnic-like state of existence. Very different. Outkick either misunderstood or misrepresented the intent behind Mikayla's caption.


What the fuck is going on over there at Outkick?! Is this what passes for journalism these days? Do they have editors? Do they bother to fact-check their articles? What am I supposed to do now? How can I even blog about this without the much-needed picnic tie-in?


Am I supposed to make lemonade out of the lemons provided by Outkick? Perhaps I could frame this section by pretending to be outraged over Outkick's lack of journalistic standards? Maybe I'll write an entire spiel about how they misrepresented Mikayla's caption? Then perhaps I could, theoretically, add another part about how I am making the most of the situation by breaking the fourth wall and letting the audience know this is all just a bit? Maybe it would be very meta?


Nah, I couldn't do that. It would be too self-referential and the dummies in the audience wouldn't get the joke.


Anyways, moving on . . .



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):



Ok, so, I took the Mikayla Demaiter picnic error and turned it into a bit because I thought it would be funny. But maybe sports boobie bloggers are getting lazy and loose with the facts because this BSO headline is also just wrong.


Kate Upton did not celebrate her birthday by posting "Wild SI Swimsuit Thirst Trap Photos". Upton didn't post anything for her birthday! Now, the @SI_Swimsuit account DID make a Kate Upton birthday post on Instagram that included photos of Upton from the magazine. But that's not Upton, that's SI. Moreover, describing these photos as "thirst traps" is a mischaracterization because they were just various SI magazine covers. I'm not sure any photo can be defined as a "thirst trap" unless posted by the subject of the photo (i.e., the person trapping by thirst). So this headline should have read "SI Swimsuit Posts Saucy Kate Upon Covers in Honor of Her Birthday". THAT would've been accurate.


Somehow I may have stumbled upon an actual crisis within the sports boobie blogger profession. These dudes seem to be posting without making the effort to confirm the accuracy of their claims. That's disrespecting the boobie blogger game and I know they're better than that. In a sane world, I would be hired (and paid handsomely) to serve as the official sports boobie blogger ombudsman (the omboobsman, if you will). I would have this industry cleaned up within the week.


Oh, and happy birthday, Kate Upton (who turned 32 on June 10th), you remain one of the most beautiful, most ride-or-die SSOs on the planet.


**note** the gif above is based on a social media post made by Mrs. Upton to celebrate her 26th Birthday, which is more accurate than what BSO published.


 
Meme of the Week!

This week's honors are shared among two legends, @midnight_mitch, a meme making machine and the man, the myth, the legend, The Man with the Golden Dick, Doctor Cock n' Balls, @Richard_Haramabe.


Doc Harambe's meme is particularly funny to me because it provides very apt commentary on the state of Star Wars (namely, the new show being so woke, so lame, and so diverse that they have lesbian force witches conceiving w/o a man) and it triggers Subaru owners, which is one of my favorite past times. On some level, it felt like Doc made this meme specifically for me.


Mitchy's meme utilizes VIGGLE Ai to provide commentary on Elon Musk's decision to make the likes tab private for all users on the platform and to call back to the time Ted Cruz's porn preferences (MILFs) was made known to the public through this very function.



When asked about their win, Mitch and Doc offered be the following statements for publication:


So true, gentlemen. So true.


 
Some Flappr Blogs!



8 Comments


Guest
Jun 15

I have noticed for some time that not only is there a surprisingly large percentage of the population with atrociously defective gaydar, there is a similarly large percentage who think fake boobs are real, and real boobs are fake. Perhaps they are the exact same people?


(Suggestion: The gray type in the comments section is too light. It's very hard to read.)

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bartleby
bartleby
Jun 18
Replying to

Will have to look into the font color

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Guest
Jun 15

Your commitment to accuracy and quality is truly inspiring and why I trust only this blog for boobs - I mean bews - I mean news.

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Guest
Jun 14

Perhaps you have seen this very funny and very human story Salma tells about her remarkable Hispanic Hotchas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToQQorOYDy4 . It's worth noting that she is an amazingly real person in her off screen life.

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bartleby
bartleby
Jun 14
Replying to

Have not! Will look into this.

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PizzaCzar
PizzaCzar
Jun 14

While reading the SCOTUS overturned the bump stock ban. 🇺🇸

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Guest
Jun 14

I snorted out loud at the "Murder, She Wrote"/hockey gif. Many people don't know that Angela Lansbury was a total fox back in the day!

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bartleby
bartleby
Jun 14
Replying to

Love it when people catch the little things.

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