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Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 4.26.24

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.

It’s Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!

We will deliver T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday if you subscribe to our blog!


Very Important News!

Syndey Sweeney: had fun vacationing in Hawaii; is sorry for having great tits

During her sojourn in Hawaii, it appears that Sydney Sweeney enjoyed herself. She chilled with her dog (named Tank), hung upside down, did some karaoke, led a successful naval expedition (probably conquering more communist-ass-lovers), and posted the above photo of wearing a "sorry for having great tits" sweatshirt.

Folks, , , I don't think Sydney is ACTUALLY sorry for having great tits. No, I think this was what the kids call a "clap back" at the haters and losers (of which, sadly, there are many) who said she "can't act" and "wasn't pretty" last week.

And what a "clap back". Sweeney knows what she's doing and she does it better than anyone else in the modern age.

This type of unapologetic bimbo exceptionalism is why Sweeney has attracted such a following of ardent supporters. Yes, Sydney Sweeny's big boobs also help in this regard, but it is her apolitical, robustly feminine, approach to her celebrity that, above all else, has led to her campaign of pop culture dominance in 2024. Men adore her, women want to be her, it's Sydney Sweeney's world, she's not sorry for having great tits, and the rest of us are just along for the ride.

Amen to that.

I have no idea who Anna Paul is or why Anna Paul is famous, but she's allegedly a TikTok star with 7.2 million followers. Is she related to Jake Paul? I've heard of that guy, he's the YouTube dude who fought Floyd Mayweather Jr. and is now training to box Mike Tyson live on Netflix in July.

Nope, turns out Anna Paul is not related to him. So, what is she famous for then?

After some research, it turns out that Anna is an Australian-German-Turkish Model, YouTuber, Lip-sync artist, and Social Media Influencer. She is most popular on TikTok where she posts daily about her life, including photos of her with her cats and horses, meals she eats, and errands she runs. Anna Paul has been described as Australia's answer to Kim Kardashian.

Hmph. You know, several high-ranking members of a now-defunct German political party fled to Australia via the ratlines during the 1940s. People assume they all went to Argentina (many did), but Australia had some too. Like this one immigrant who came to Australia in 1950, everyone assumed he was Lithuanian, but when he died, he bequeathed this huge art collection to his town and it turns out he was an intelligence officer in that now-defunct German political party from 1940-45.

I'm not saying Ms. Paul is a descendant of any of those high-ranking officials of that now-defunct German political party. She IS NOT. You just don't hear about too many Australians of German descent. I'm sharing a little history lesson. THAT'S ALL. We are a documentary filmmakers. That's what we're known for. We investigate and make documentary films. They're good, you should watch them.

No human on earth will garner less sympathy than a man complaining about his dick being too big.

Oh boo fucking hoo. I have a humungous hog. It's so big that I got kicked out of yoga class. Please feel bad for me and the footlong howitzer between my legs.

Not going to happen, mate. And I'm not saying that life with a sideshow-sized-schlong doesn't come without trials and tribulations. It probably sucks having to flop that thing to the side to avoid having it dunk in the water while pooping. Likewise, I assume that the average jock strap would not provide adequate protection, and finding someone to custom-fabricate an oversized family jewel protector is probably a huge pain in the ass (probably very pricey too).

But, dudes are built different. There is a reason why "dick measuring contest" is a well-worn figure of speech - it's because having an anaconda-sized organ is associated with hyper-masculinity. So no, having a beastly-bald-headed-hermit is never going to be looked upon as a disability by your fellow man. Suck it up, accept your girthy fate, and make the most of having a pendulous plonker.

So this story is really about the horrors this woman (an adult performer, I assume) had to endure with getting two separate breast augmentations. The first one was botched, leaving her nipples "much higher than intended". That's a bad beat, your nipples can't be perpendicular to your armpits. That's a tough look. So, she went back and got another surgery and then had to get a laser procedure to reduce the scarring and give her the "perfect boobs".

That's a lot of effort to look good. But, like many things in life, people don't give a shit about what you care about or what you've put effort into. Like one of this girl's fans who she says hits her up for "videos of [her] blowing her nose."

"Oh, you spent thousands of dollars and endured misery for "perfect boobs?" Too bad, I have a weird nose fetish, so drop the jiggling, pick up a tissue, and blow that nose for me, baby!"

This resonated with me. Not because I am an adult performer (I'm not even a sm*t blogger), but because I also put a lot of effort into things that the audience I've built doesn't click on. Like, some of you haven't watched our historical documentary videos - which we spent months on. Some of you like those videos but don't care for this blog - which I spend hours on every week. Some only know Flappr from Cloth Off Friday - the thing I am LEAST proud of.

All of these things suck and disappoint me on some level - but that's the nature of the content game. The customer is always right. There is so much content available for you to consume that you will only consume what you like. I get that. So, despite my desire for you to appreciate Flappr's 'perfect boobs' (the Good Thing, Bad Thing videos), some are going to focus on our nose (Cloth Off Friday).

Oh well, we still love you all.

Credit to me for finding a way to connect a story about boob jobs and nose fetishes to our esoteric RW satire website. Don't act like you weren't impressed.


Regular News!

I am going to try and explain what has happened on university campuses over the past week. To my understanding, a bunch of leftoids started an encampment at Columbia University last week to pressure the school to divest its connection to Israel. Then, on April 18th, over 100 of these Ivy-League twats were arrested for trespass and suspended from the school.

This emboldened more libtards to encamp even harder. Things have gotten so out of control at Columbia that the school had to prevent a Jewish professor from entering campus (allegedly for his safety) and announced that classes would be held remotely for the remainder of the semester.

The protests spread to other Ivy-League schools, including Harvard and Yale - where several (mostly white) keffiyeh-clad-cunts desecrated an American flag. Texas and USC followed suit on Wednesday, with mixed results.

On the political front, Joe Biden said that he "condemn[ed] the antisemitic protests," and also "condemn[ed] those who don’t understand what’s going on with the Palestinians" which sounded very much like the "very fine people on both sides" statement that Donald Trump did not say, but was criticized for, after Charlottesville. Shockingly, the corporate media failed to pick up on this parallel.

Alleged brother marrier, Ilhan Omar, appeared at a pro-Palestinian protest at the University of Minnesota on Tuesday. Omar's daughter, Isra Hirsi, who was among those arrested on the 18th, went on TV and claimed that she was sprayed with "chemical weapons" - but it was just non-toxic fart spray. She also said she was left homeless and starving, despite being the daughter of a wealthy politician and the school making pre-packaged meals available to her. Oh and Flappr's Chief Legal Correspondent, @jarvis_best, taken by Hirsi's alleged beauty, called her a 'snack' on Twitter.

There has been weird dancing. There have been veiled threats. There has been so much communist cringe. The communist cringe is overflowing.

Got all that? Yeah, it's probably going to get worse as more Zoomer retards slurp up what's shown to them on TikTok and try to emulate it at their own schools.

For those too lazy to click the video, Biden, reading from his teleprompter, says "Four more years? Pause?" before plants in the audience awkwardly interrupt him with a scripted chant of "four more years". Biden, a confused old man with tapioca where his brain should be, then smiles like a mongoloid.

This motherfucker is coooooooked. He has no gas left in the tank and we're all living in a more dangerous world with him at the helm.

We're getting what we deserve for electing this man and we're getting it good and hard. Let's hope America has learned its lesson and changes course in November.

The one in which Robert Stacy McCain wonders aloud if Donald Trump might be the subject of a witch hunt:

"Bragg and Judge Merchan are both Democrats, and this bogus prosecution is simply the latest Democratic Party operation intended to extend to the entire United States the totalitarian one-party government that exists in New York, by criminalizing opposition. When they talk about “our democracy,” this is what they mean — in “our democracy,” there can be no effective opposition, and never a chance that a Democrat could lose an election."

If they wanted their political prosecution to appear less political-prosecution-y, they wouldn't have allowed Bragg to proceed with this particularly galling attempt to prosecute a federal election crime under New York state law. Even the New York Times permitted a guest essay to be published that called Bragg's case "an embarrassment of prosecutorial ethics and apparent selective prosecution". These people should be nowhere near power.

David Thompson: Surnaming

The one in which David Thompson ruminates on naming conventions in the era of Progress And Enlightenment:

"About 97 percent of married couples passed down only the father’s last name to their first kid. That proportion seems to have remained remarkably consistent.

This is announced almost mournfully, and the term “habitual and unconscious” is deployed, much like the claim that the matter “gets basically zero attention,” as if people getting married never, ever consider the issue at all. Rather than the possibility that many people do consider the matter, but may simply arrive at conclusions that suit themselves and their families, rather than pleasing an Atlantic columnist whose “constellation of personal obsessions” include “queer history,” and who, inevitably, lives in Brooklyn."

To be progressive in 2024 is to spend your time observing all settled traditions, big and small, and writing 1500 words on why it's bad and probably misogynistic or racist. The Atlantic paid someone to write about why passing down surnames is problematic. Think about that.


Sports News!

The Bears: drafted Caleb Williams #1 overall.

As predicted by Nero (and everyone else,) the Chicago Bears selected former Heisman trophy-winning quarterback, Caleb Williams, as the first overall pick in last night's NFL Draft.

Williams (an alleged cis-gendered heterosexual male) inherits the best situation a number 1 overall pick QB has ever been drafted into - an above-average offensive line, two pro-bowl WRs, a pro-bowl caliber TE, and a top-ten caliber defense.

This leads me to wonder - can the Bears find a way to fuck things up this time?

My brain tells me they've done it right this time and that the Bears might be on the precipice of modern football success. But my gut . . . my gut knows better. My gut remembers how the Bears fucked up every highly touted quarterback in my lifetime. My gut remembers how Cade McNown, Rex Grossman, Jay Cutler, Mitch Trubisky, and Justin Fields all had varying degrees of promise before comically crashing and burning into a pit of woe and despair.

So, we shall see. I cannot pretend I'm not optimistic about how good the Bears can be in the next few years. At a minimum, it should be entertaining for you to observe my Twitter feed and this blog and follow along as I struggle to support my new, totally not gay, QB during his rookie year.

The NHL Playoffs: have been awesome.

Here's a quick rundown of a few noteworthy series thus far:

Florida Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Panthers up 3-0)

This has been the best series of the playoffs so far. The top-seeded, cup-contending, Panthers have fought off the end-of-dynasty era Lightning, but the games have been very close. Game 2 featured some of the best goaltending highlights you'll ever see. Just look at this save from Panthers' goalie, Sergei Bobrovsky:

The Panthers took the Lightning's best punch in Game 2, but still left Sunrise with a 2-0 lead. The Lightning are going to lose this series, but are going down with an honor-worthy effort.

Edmonton Oilers vs. Los Angeles Kings (Series tied 1-1)

Connor McDavid had 5 assists, Zach Hyman had 3 goals, and the Oilers beat the Kings 7-4 in Game 1 (but it could've easily been 10-4). Look at this spin-o-rama assist from McDavid:

It's rare in hockey that an assist can be THAT much more impressive than the goal itself, but McDavid does this regularly. The Oilers have so many offensive weapons that it's difficult to see how any team will stop them from winning the Stanley Cup this year. They still probably won't, but they'll still win this series despite dropping Game 2 in OT.

Winnipeg Jets vs. Colorado Avalanche (tied 1-1)

After taking Game 1, the Jets held a one-goal lead halfway through the second period in Game 2. Then the Avalanche scored four straight goals and wrested home-ice away from Winnipeg. Colorado has looked like the better team this whole series. They probably should won Game 1, but Avalanche goalie, Alexandar Georgiev, stunk out loud, giving up 7 goals on 23 shots. Georgiev might suck, but the team around him is fucking loaded, making it highly likely that Colorado advances. Whatever. Fuck you, @jarvis_best.

Boston Bruins vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (Bruins up 2-1)

It doesn't matter what's happened thus far. This series will go 7 games and the Leafs will barf all over themselves in Game 7 and lose.

This outcome has been pre-ordained by the hockey gods.

I am a stickler when websites anoint people with titles they do not deserve for clickbait purposes. For example, I have crusaded against Outkick's overuse of "the Paige Spiranac of <insert sport>" in headlines about sporty eGirl types who are pretty, but clearly not on the level of Paige Spiranac.

So, when I see Outkick proclaim that SI Swimsuit Rookie, Xandra Pohl, is the "Kate Upton of our Generation", my antennae perk up. I have never heard of or seen Xandra Pohl before, but Kate Upton is the last iconic SI Swimsuit model. Upton's legacy should be cherished, not watered down by modern-day pretenders. The bar for "Kate Upton of our Generation" status is very high. So, let's see if Outkick is guilty of click-baiting or if Xandra Pohl is the real deal:

Natural Beauty (✅) Big Natural Shoulder Boulders (✅) Blonde (✅) Feisty (✅)

Ok, Outkick might be onto something here. This Xandra Pohl is an absolute stunner. She's not the 'Kate Upton Of Our Generation' just yet, but she's very Kate Upton-esque. Like comparing an 18-year-old Kobe Bryant to Michael Jordan, this is the highest compliment that can be given at this stage in her career. We will be keeping an eye on her development in the coming months and years.

Well done, Outkick, you (might have) gotten one right.

Livvy Dunne has appeared on blogs about a billion times over the past few years, but never for doing gymnastics stuff (you know, the nominal reason she became an elite sports influencer). Turns out . . . she's good at gymnastics stuff!

It's kind of cool to see her do good at gymnastics stuff! Livvy Dunne is more than just a beautiful Instagram influencer, she's incredibly talented! She led LSU to its first-ever national championship in gymnastics stuff! She should post gymnastic stuff videos that celebrate her athletic prowess and fewer yoga pants at the park pics. That would help present her as a strong, competent, feminine, hero and less like an object to be there to be ogled.

Apparently, she has one year left of NCAA eligibility, which she should take and continue making millions in NIL deals. In fact, if Livvy Dunne returns to LSU for a 5th year of gymnastics stuff, I will dedicate a section of this blog to her athletic achievements (and athletic achievements only) every week during her season.

Then, after she's won another national championship, she can settle into full-time SSO duties for her boyfriend - flame-throwing Pirates prospect, Paul Skenes. According to my scouting report, Livvy has generational level Supportive Significant Other talent. Her post-gymnastics career will be fascinating to follow.

We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):

After thorough research, I must say that this BSO headline, while literal, is also misleading as it does feature Fox Sports Host Joy Taylor "showing off massive cleavage" but features no "bum" whatsoever. As a journalist who cares deeply about his reputation and integrity, I watched this Instagram post several times to confirm my findings and I didn't see any bum. It is bumless.

Thigh? Sure. Bikini Zone? Yes, absolutely. But no bum.

Accordingly, my final BSO literalness headline rating must be: Literal, but partly wrong. I mean no disrespect to Clement, the writer who writes most of the booby blogs over at BSO, but facts are facts.

Thank you.


Meme of the Week!

This week's winner is none other than the man, the myth, the legend, The Man with the Golden Dick, @Richard_Haramabe. This meme deservedly mocks the daughter of Ilhan Omar who claimed she was homeless and hungry after being suspended from school for trespass during her anti-Israel protests.

There are homeless and hungry people in the world, but none of them attend Columbia University (which costs about 90K per year) and none are the children of sitting U.S. Congresswomen. So, yeah, she deserved to be mocked.

Special mention goes out to @podiatristdon for this very savage Chappaquiddick tweet that's not quite a meme, but still made me laugh very, very hard.

People forget that Teddy Kennedy drove his car off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island, Massachusetts, killing 28-year-old, Mary Jo Kopechne, who suffocated inside the overturned vehicle. After the crash, Kennedy took a ferry back to his hotel room, took a shower, put on dry clothes, and took a nap. He didn't call the police until 10 hours after the crash had occurred.

Kennedy's punishment? He pleaded guilty to leaving the scene of an accident and received a two-month suspended sentence. Hmph.

Well done, @richard_harambe, and well done, @podiatristdon.


Some Flappr Blogs

While you're here, why not subscribe to our YouTube Channel and enjoy some of our fine videos:


May 01

1812 Overture ftw


I love all aspects of Flappr: the weekly T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym), the weekly 'Cloth-Off' videos, your highly entertaining and educational documentaries, the other entertaining videos that are produced (about sundresses, "Big Naturals", etc.), even your sports stuff! Please know at least one person really appreciates your efforts!


Apr 29

You should do an Amish T.I.T.S. It would be good to bring some modesty to this smut blog.


Apr 27

Yet another fine set of T. I. T. S (coincidental acronym), Bart.

Well done.


Apr 26

"This motherfucker is coooooooked."

Flappr dot net just straight-up channelling Edward R. Murrow this week. You love to see it.

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