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The Richelieu Files: More Biden Blues

Editor's Note: we received the following submission via e-mail from someone who referred to themselves as 'Armand Jean du Plessis, 1st Duke of Richelieu'. The submission was good, funny, and well-written and nobody else has submitted in a while, so we're going to roll with the premise that this was written by a French statesman and prelate of the Catholic Church who died in 1642.

Joe Biden is an old man who is moldering before our eyes. This is why his staff rarely allows him to take questions from journalists, especially after his bedtime (7:30 PM, probably). But about a week ago, after his own Justice Department confirmed to the world that his brain didn't work, the old man’s dander was up. And he would be damned if he’d just have his pudding cup, watch Wheel of Fortune, and hit the sack. So out he shuffled to meet the press.

It was a performance for the ages.

He angrily defended his mental acuity right before he mistook the presidents of Mexico and Egypt. But that wasn’t the best part. This was:

"Let me tell you something. Some of you have commented — I wear, since the day he died, every single day, the rosary he got from our Lady of —"

Biden angrily denounced his own Justice Department for forgetting when his son died … then up and forget the church where his son got the rosary! You could just see him forgetting, realizing he was forgetting, and just moving on. The irony was lost on him, as most things are nowadays.

This is Classic Biden. And not just Donkey-Brains Biden. Asshole Biden. Hiding behind the memory of his dead son to denounce people for something he’s clearly guilty of.

We’ve all lost loved ones. It is awful. I cannot imagine something as terrible as losing a son. But that makes what Biden did so much worse. He used that memory for politics.

He does this all the time. Whenever he thinks he can derive a tiny bit of public sympathy from conjuring up the memory of Beau Biden, he never hesitates.

That’s sociopathic.

He’s been pulling this trick since before his mind turned into mush. Decades ago, he was embellishing the story about his wife and daughter dying in the early 1970s. Family tragedy as political leverage.

Yes, Biden was always a stupid, arrogant blowhard. But he’s a bad person, too. He’s not evil — he didn’t drown a young campaign staffer on the night of the moon landing, for instance. But decent people don’t exploit family tragedies for political cover. Biden does.

This is the real problem for Democrats. It’s not just that Biden cannot think anymore. It’s that he doesn’t care. Democrats who expect Biden to have the decency to step aside have fundamentally misjudged him. He’s not a decent man.

Worried about a return to Trumpism, Democrats? Worried about Republicans getting to restock the Supreme Court? Worried that your dream of a socialist dystopia is slipping away?

Biden has two simple words for you: fuck off.

He isn’t going anywhere.


Armand Jean du Plessis, 1st Duke of Richelieu was minister to Louis XIII of France from 1624 until his death in 1642.


Apr 13

If my memory was worse than it is—and it's definitely not good—I'd swear I wrote this myself. My private thoughts have been realized in glorious blog form. And by a goddamn duke, no less!


Feb 22

The problem is that we and they try to humanize Joe with this, "everyone knows someone affected by dementia" trope. He was trash before his brain left the building, he remains so.


Feb 20

On top of all of this the special counsel said he never asked Biden about Beau. Biden being the shitty person he is brought up his dead son in another attempt to use his dead son for political leverage. What a garbage person

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