It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.
It’s Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!
We will deliver T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday if you subscribe to our blog!
Very Important News!
Ginger Appreciation Month Continues: Christina Hendricks
It's March, so we're running with redhead-themed cover art and celebrating smokeshows from Haplogroup R1b.
Today we honor Christina Hendricks, who stormed into the national consciousness in 2007 when she strutted onto our TV sets as Joan Holloway, the ample-bosomed office manager at Sterling Cooper in Mad Men. I try not to exaggerate on this blog, but Hendricks is somewhat of a unicorn in Hollywood, as before her breakout role - we didn't see many women in media with her body type. Hendricks is taller, thicker, bigger tidded, and more gingery than any actress I can recall ever appearing in a major television show or movie.
There has not been a 'next Christina Hendricks' to come onto the scene, nor does there appear to be any prospects of one on the horizon. When people talk about 'representation' it doesn't seem like they're ever talking about women who look like Christina Hendricks.
That aside, Christina was good on Mad Men. Really good. Hendrick's portrayal of Joan did this complex, beautifully written, character justice. Her performance was nuanced, revealing the many facets of her personality and struggles - Joan was more than merely a beautiful face; she was ambitious and strong, while also being damaged and sometimes vulnerable.
The scene that best highlights these traits happens in the episode "The Other Woman", where the firm asks Joan to sleep with a slovenly executive from Jaguar so they can win the account. Joan ultimately agrees to bone the guy in exchange for a partnership stake at the firm. Don visits Joan at her home in an attempt to dissuade her from going through with the idea, not knowing she had just returned from getting boned to secure Jaguar for the firm. At that moment, Joan exhales in a sign of both devastation and relief as she now knows that someone would've had her back if she didn't want to follow through with the boning. This was the best scene in one of the best episodes of one of the best shows of all time.
Kudos to you, Christina. Happy Ginger Appreciation Month.
When she's not the unwitting figurehead of a movement to preserve Western culture and combat against ass-loving communists, Sydney Sweeney is also a fashion and style icon. This past week, Sydney cut her hair and the internet took notice and debated the merits of her new 'bob', because we're all very dumb.
I include myself among the stupid, so I'll weigh in with my take - I'm not a huge fan. I like my Sydney Sweeney with long golden locks. That's just my preference.
That's it. That's all there is to this section. It's not much. Just a lukewarm take on hairstyle preferences for a woman I'll never meet. They're not all winners, folks.
Moving on . . .
Slate: said "Sydney Sweeney's boobs are not that big"; was wrong, got community noted.
This might be the best use of community notes to date. It corrected a misstatement of fact. It redressed an injustice. It spoke truth to power.
Listen, folks, , , , her boobs are big. Yes, some boobs out there are bigger, but Sydney Sweeney's boobs are that big. They just are. You don't need to overthink. Just embrace this fact. Just embrace them in all their big big bigness glory.
If you require scientific proof, some reports suggest that her bra size is 32D. By global comparison, the natural female breast has an average size between a large "A" and a smaller "B" in the US size system. So there, Sydney's breasts are about 2 sizes above replacement level. If Sweeney was a baseball player, she'd be Mickey Massive Mantles or . . . Big Bobs Gibson.
This was a victory for the Mommy Milker Movement ("The MMM™"). We will not be stopped by some loser at Slate. We are winning. We will win. All is well.
This was fascinating to me. I haven't watched (nor do I intend to watch) the documentary about this woman's legendary p0rn star husband, but from the sounds of the article, she's not in porn, she's never watched one of his films and they have a "boring marriage".
How is this possible? How does one wall off a degenerate work life from one's home life and have a "boring marriage"? I suppose it's feasssssible, but it would take herculean levels of patience and some unhealthy levels of denial.
I think it's naive to believe that someone is a COMPLETELY different person at work than at home. Not that people don't have a persona from work that differs from the person under the mask, but to assume that there isn't some spillover lacks credulity.
The same goes for the idea that one can perform raunchy sex acts on strangers all day but save their REAL sexual experiences for their significant others. I don't believe that. Maybe I don't want to believe that people can trivialize sex in this way. But to make this situation work, it makes sense that you'd have to believe that your porn star husband 'bonks you differently' than other women.
Whatever. Good for this couple, I guess. On some level, it's wholesome that they've been together for over 30 years. Strangely, I suppose this wife is a supportive significant other (an "SSO"). Some might say she's the most SSO that's ever supported a significant other in history. Wild stuff.
Folks, I don't want to be that guy who judges a book by its cover, but I just don't believe that this gal was cut out to become a nuclear physicist. Not sure that was ever a realistic dream if I'm being honest!
This isn't a gender thing, either - some women have accomplished amazing things in the field of nuclear physics. Take Marie Curie, for example! Curie's work on radiation contributed to the development of the atomic bomb! That's cool stuff!
But you know what Marie Curie didn't have? Face tattoos.
No, Marie had a face made for studying radium. Thank the Lord that she did, else we may not have had mobile X-ray units - which Curie developed during World War - to assist battlefield surgeons operating on wounded soldiers.
Come to think of it, you don't see many nuclear physicists with face tattoos (or BFTs, for that matter). So yeah, I think the gal who abandoned a career in nuclear physics for the sex industry probably made the right choice. Sometimes the world has a way of working these things out.
This has been Celebrating Women in STEM for Women's History Month with Bart. Consider yourself culturally edified. You're welcome.
For background, Hannah Barron is from Crenshaw County, Alabama, and enjoys hunting and catfish noodling with her family. In other words, Hannah is a tomboy with a thick Southern accent. She posted the video above of her working to complete a house with her dad 10 months ago. It is a fairly unremarkable TikTok video, if I'm being honest. Then, this week a Bernie Sanders supporting sociopath stumbled on Hannah's video and began insulting Hannah's accent and American women's lack of feminitiy and went on to say that men who find Hannah attractive are homosexuals. This kicked off several days of tomboy discourse on Twitter.
Here's a little bit of breaking news for the uninitiated, but many dudes find being a competent and skilled woman to be an attractive character trait. A woman who shares an interest in sports, hunting, or cars is cool. A woman who isn't afraid of messing up her hair, or getting her hands dirty to put up some drywall, is cool. However, at the end of the day, a tomboy is still a fully functional woman, who has breasts and a vagina and can throw on a dress to embrace her femininity.
Let's take Hannah Barron as an example:
Look at her, she's gorgeous and she's not exactly trying to hide the fact that she's a beautiful woman. She's wearing makeup, she's showing a touch of cleave. Yes, she may be noodlin' a catfish, but she's not trying to present as masculine here. Quite the opposite, she's playing up the ideal beautiful tomboy angle because she knows that men find her attractive and dig the tomboy stuff. Simple as.
So, in conclusion, if finding this woman attractive makes me gay, then I guess call me Liberace, Pete Buttigieg, or Siraj Hashmi. Long live the tomboy.
As an update to last week's Daily Star story entitled Glam mum with 'most beautiful smile' distracts fans with another body part, it would appear that the same 'mum' is now facing backlash from women as a result of her being 'hot' and 'looking good in [a] bikini'.
This is tragic stuff, folks. A glam mum with 'the most beautiful smile' should not be subjected to body shaming by jealous women on Instagram. Sorry that you're not as hot and don't have as beautiful of a smile, Karen, but that's not her problem! You'll need to learn how to cope because this MILF refuses to relent. She's going to continue posting elite thirst on social media because, she says people should never 'be ashamed to put your victories out there for the world to see!'
Actually, this woman looks familiar to me for some reason. . . I think I have written about her before. Like before-before, not just last week. Please hold while I consult the Flappr archives.
**FlapprBot6900 conducts research** **Beep Boop noises**
Oh shit, I have written about this MILF before. On March 31, 2022, I penned a blog titled Local MILF Bullied For Being Hot, which, as you can imagine, focused on how this Local MILF was bullied for being hot.
This means this mom has been dealing with adversity for being hot for almost TWO FULL-YEARS! What are the chances of that? I mean, it's almost like . . . this is some marketing gimmick?! As in, she makes posts about being body-shamed on a semi-regular basis in hopes that a blog will write about it and boost her social media account. Nahhhh! Just an example of true resiliency. We love our hot, resilient, moms! Don't we, folks!?
**Editor's Note** I can't believe I have come full circle and unintentionally used the same woman as the subject of two (now three) separate blog posts. How humiliating. Maybe this is a sign that I've been doing this too long. Perhaps I've outlived my usefulness? Perhaps I've never had any usefulness (more likely)? Maybe I should stop? The internet is riddled with the carcasses of failed blogs. Maybe it's time to fling Flappr onto the trash heap of history. This is something to consider, given that our hosting subscription expires next week. Hmph.
Important News!
Free Beacon: Interview Transcript, Congressional Testimony Shed Light on Biden's Memory Lapses During Classified Doc Investigation
The reaction to Robert Hur's congressional testimony yesterday was maddening. Legacy media grabbed their shields to protect Biden and their pitchforks to punish Robert Hur for accurately characterizing Biden's trouble remembering dates.
Journos excitedly proclaimed that Hur was a liar because transcripts of Hur's interview of Biden showed that Biden DID remember the date his son died. Those same journos did not share that Joe thought Beau died in 2017, instead of 2015. And they didn't think it mattered that Biden lied when he said Hur brought up Beau Biden (it was Joe). And they didn't seem to care that Biden's ghostwriter, according to Hur, tried to destroy evidence of his crimes. And they didn't seem to care that Hur's findings suggested that Biden's handling of classified documents violated the law (but Hur chose not to prosecute because Biden was senile). And they didn't appear interested that Hur declared his report was 'not an exoneration'.
People pointed this out to the journos. The journos didn't care. This is why the media deserves the contempt it receives. This is why politics have become predictable, exhausting, and infuriating. The veil has been lifted. We all know the truth. Many point it out and it still doesn't matter.
Maddening.
From the article:
"The City of College Park, Maryland, hired a "racial equity" leader to spearhead its mission to eliminate systemic racism in its departments who has made statements defending violence and promoting the idea of a revolution against the [US].
[She] supports "Black liberation" through revolutionary means and said she is working . . . to plan "how we will eat and live and grow after we burn it all down." She was hired to be a "Racial Equity Officer" under former Mayor Patrick L. Wojahn, who resigned from office after being arrested for child p0rn0graphy."
If the Babylon Bee had written the above passage, I would've said that they had gotten lazy and published something too stereotypical to serve as good satire.
That passage reads like libtard Mad Libs. Like "add a DEI job title" then "add an extreme leftist position", then "write a state in furtherance of that position", then "add a reason why a libtard official would be arrested".
In all honesty, I prefer when they say what they mean. It makes things much easier for everyone. We either accept these ideas or lance them out of public discourse like a pustulous boil.
Uhhhhh. That's fucking weird.
I don't think this will actually happen, given Aaron Rodger's current responsibilities to go on ayahuasca retreats and occasionally play quarterback for the New York Jets, but it would be kind of funny if it did.
Rodgers was allegedly blindsided by the report and has shown no interest in accepting the role if asked, but that hasn't stopped the media from violating their own ethics in attempt to smear him. Late on Wednesday, CNN published a report from some journo who says that Rodgers didn't believe that Sandy Hook actually happened. The reporter had no notes. The reporter just says that she remembered him saying it, which was good enough for CNN to publish a story to make sure that Aaron Rodgers doesn't cost Joe Biden votes in the battleground state of Wisconsin.
Fuck, I really hate CNN. I hated them before this, but I especially hate them for making me defend the cocksucker who single handedly ruined my life for 15 years as starting quarterback for the Packers. But here I am, defending Rodgers against what seems like a violation of the normal "two on the record sources" before publishing standard.
If Rodgers does decide to run and gets RFK to promise to send the journos to Gitmo . . . he might just earn my vote.
The Academy Awards: happened.
I didn't watch them, but I saw some clips - including this performance by Ryan Gosling which was cool, actually. Gosling is one of the only dudes in Hollywood who can star in a Greta Gerwig film about Barbie, throw on a pink tux, sing and dance on TV, and still have the hardcore RW bros gush "he just like me, fr fr'!
As for the awards, Oppenheimer deservedly won basically everything. It was the best movie of 2023 by a good margin. Oppenheimer was one of the few films last year to tame my millennial brain urge to pick up my phone and check social media. Christopher Nolan and Cillian Murphy conquered my limited attention span with a movie where people mostly just talk to each other. Impressive.
There is a reason why Wesley Kushner named Oppenheimer his best movie of 2023. It's fucking good. And it's long past time that Nolan won his Oscar.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Country Girls; and Academia’s DEI ‘Oppression’ Racket and the Demonization of Jews on Campus
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain reports on the ruinous state of our elite academic institutions:
"The Ivy League is Decadent and Depraved, as I have often remarked, and the reason for this depravity is simply that the Left has taken control and implemented a regime of ideological conformity, so that these campuses have become echo chambers, where never is heard a dissenting word. Occasionally, someone with faculty tenure will deviate from the Gospel of Social Justice — Amy Wax at Penn Law, for example — but these isolated heretics are swiftly purged or marginalized, since disagreement is now classified as “hate.” Because these schools now consider political indoctrination to be their primary objective, they must ensure that students are never confronted by any criticism of the Official Ideology."
Well said. Go read the whole thing.
David Thompson: The Regurgitation Of Slogans
The one in which David investigates slogan culture among libtards:
"At which point, readers may note just how often progressive posturing seems to require a fairly high tolerance of contrivance and short-cuts, internal contradiction, and the kind of begged-question soundbites that are all but designed to shut down thought. A kind of pre-emptive short circuit.
For instance, in Ms Blunnie’s X feed, a professed concern for “bodily autonomy” appears alongside the slogans “Abortion builds new futures,” and “Funding abortion is an act of radical empathy,” along with a jolly pink poster for “Abortion Provider Appreciation Day,” which suggests that the bodily autonomy of some people, very small ones, doesn’t count."
David is correct that most libtard slogans contain inherent contradictions. What he doesn't say in this piece is that it doesn't matter because they don't care.
Important Sports News!
NFL Free Agency: is in full swing
If I were an intelligent blogger, I would've written a blog dedicated to my opinions on the big NFL free signings announced this week. I'm stupid, though, so I'll share them here, 75% of the way down in a HUGE blog where I've already spilled 2500 words on Sydney Sweeney's boobs and Robert Hur's congressional testimony!
I'm sure people are still reading! The Flappr Difference™!
Kirk Cousins: signed a 4-year, 180 million-dollar contract, with the Atlanta Falcons
I like Kirk Cousins. He's a good man. He's a good quarterback. He's just not a good enough quarterback to help the Atlanta Falcons win a Super Bowl.
Cousins sits comfortably in the tier of pretty good quarterbacks! In an offense with good weapons (which Atlanta has) he's going to put up impressive stats. He will probably make a Pro Bowl or two! But Kirk Cousins does not have an elite arm. He cannot run. Cousin's 1-4 record in the playoffs does not suggest that he possesses any Brady-esque intangibles that enable his team to overcome the odds.
So then why give him $100M guaranteed? I'm not sure I would have. Signing Kirk Cousins is a commitment to drafting in the mid to late teens every year. It's a sort of football limbo where you're never good enough to win a title and never bad enough to be in a position to draft the quarterback with championship-level-ability.
But if you're the Falcons, and you're in the midst of a 6-year run of winning no more than 7 games, maybe making the playoffs is good enough? Maybe you feel like you can put enough around Cousins to put him over the top? I don't know, but it will be weird to see Captain Kirk wearing Falcons black.
Chris Jones: signed five-year, $158 million ($95 million guaranteed), contract to stay in KC
This was one of the biggest non-quarterback contracts in NFL history and sets KC up for more short-term runs for the Super Bowl.
But Jones turns 30 this year and 6-6, 310 lb defensive ends don't tend to age as well as quarterbacks. To me, this is a deal that might win the Chiefs another title in the next three years, but might also cost the Chiefs a title five-six years from now if the team has to part with a talented player for cap reasons.
Still worth it to keep the most crucial player on a championship-winning defense.
Russell Wilson: signed a 1-year, 1.2 million contract with the Steelers
The Broncos will be paying Russell Wilson $38 million next year to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers and his contract will soak up $85 million of the Broncos salary cap space over the next two seasons.
That sucks for Sean Payton, who inhereted Wilson's contract and is trying to rebuild the Broncos' roster from scratch.
For Mike Tomlin and the Steelers? It's not often you can sign a Super Bowl winning quarterback for less than most teams pay for a long snapper. Will Russell Wilson return to playing at a Pro-Bowl-caliber level or be able to carry the Steelers on his back? No, probably not, but even if he plays as well as he did last year (3050 yards, 26 TDs, 8 INTs, 6.9 Y/A in 15 games) he'll be a upgrade over the QB play the Steelers received last year (3163 yards, 13 TDs, 9 TDs, 5.8 Y/A in 17 games).
Worst case scenario, they cut him and lose nothing.
Justin Fields: ?????
The biggest loser from the Cousins and Wilson signings was Justin Fields because those two teams were the most logical landing spots for him via trade.
With the Falcons and Steelers having secured quarterbacks, and the Bears very likely to draft Caleb Williams, there doesn't seem to be a place where Justin Fields slots in as next year's starter. I have no idea what the Bears do with him now. Maybe they hold onto him and wait for a team to suffer an injury during training camp - but then you risk a summer of bad vibes while trying to turn the page with your newly drafted QB.
Reports say that they 'haven't been shopping him' but I think that's bullshit. I just don't think any team has been willing to pony up draft capital for a QB who struggles to play the position when there are more suitable options available on the free-agent market.
I am a Bears fan. I like Justin Fields. But he's not good at throwing the football from the pocket. He holds on to the ball too long and takes too many sacks. Bears fans love nothing more than overvaluing our own players. The league has revealed its opinion of Fields this week . . . and it isn't flattering.
Connor Bedard: scored 8 in two games; continues being good
Look at that little motherf*cker cook! And this highlight is from a game where he didn't score any points!
He's just really good and really fun to watch. When you listen to him talk, you get the impression that he's a hockey autist - he doesn't have any interests outside of perfecting his craft.
He is only 18 years old and all he does is score points against men much older than him. How good is he? Well, here is a list of the top 18-year-old NHL seasons from the last 35 years, broken down by points-per-game totals:
Sidney Crosby - 1.26 ppg
Connor McDavid - 1.07 ppg
Connor Bedard - 0.98 ppg
So, he's on par with the two best players from the previous generations. Plus, he's putting up numbers with far less talent than McDavid or Crosby had when they broke into the league.
Fun stuff.
Chalk this one up as one of those stories that would never have been covered in the days before social media. Basically, this beautiful woman, with big, bouncy, bosoms, is photographed cheering in the background of a photo of Steph Curry celebrating after sinking a three.
The photo of the woman went viral (because we're now in the Age of Mammoth Mommy Milkers) and the hunt to identify her commenced. Turns out she's an escort! Who then used her newfound notoriety to nearly double her rates! Do you smell that, folks? That's capitalism. I love the smell of capitalism in the morning!
The only victim here is the guy, sitting with his sons, who was captured sneaking a peek at those awe-inspiring-alley-oops. That poor bastard took his kids to the game, bought them courtside seats, and will now have to explain to his wife why he was staring directly at those hooking-howitzers. What should've been a 'Dad of the Year' moment turns into sleeping on the couch - all because of a journalist's telephoto lens.
They're the enemy of the people, folks.
After suffering a soul-crushing defeat at the hands of Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LVIII, Christian McCaffrey had to be hurting both physically and emotionally.
Luckily for him, he's engaged to Olivia Culpo, one of the most beautiful women in the world and an elite SSO. After the season ended, here's what Culpo had to say in support of her man, via Instagram:
That's just some wholesome shit right there, that's what that is. Any time a woman excitedly says something like 'now let's get married' and calls you her 'best friend' . . . you marry her. That's a keeper.
Flappr wishes these two a blessed wedding day. I would like to let Olivia and Christian know that Mr. and Mrs. Bart are flexible over the summer if any of their invited guests cannot attend. I'll even come by myself if only one invite becomes available. We don't have to be a package deal. Mrs. Bart can stay home.
You two don't need to decide now. Enjoy your vacation. Looks fun.
Reading this article made me hate soccer so much. The way the leagues are arranged makes no sense. The way player movement works makes no sense. The team names are stupid. The uniforms (or 'kits', as they call them) are ugly and riddled with advertisements.
The rules are stupid. The game clock doesn't count down, it counts up to 45 and then 90. And then there is 'stoppage time' added on to the end of both halves and nobody but the ref knows how much that will be. How fucking dumb is that?
Oh, and the players flop around and pretend to be injured all the time. Like LeBron James-level theatrics. What a terrible sport . . . if you can even call it one.
Not sure why I decided to vent about soccer when the article was about this beautiful young lady . . . but here we are.
Congrats on the new team, or whatever.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
My man, Clement (who writes most of the booby blogs over at BSO), wasn't playing around with this one - he just pumped out a very straightforward description of what he saw. Namely, Mikayla Demaiter, who used to be a hockey goalie, showing off her boobs in a low-cut, yellow top.
Ohhhhh buddy, this is peak BSO headline literalness right here. We really haven't gotten one of these in a while. This is the type of headline that made me fall in love with BSO. This is Clement playing his greatest hits. Think Bruce Springsteen playing Born To Run at Madison Square Garden. We need to appreciate moments like this - we're witnessing greatness here.
Very Important Meme of the Week
This week's top meme honors go to @edwardrussl for this meme on a subject that I didn't get a chance to cover in the news section above.
You see, Joe Biden got himself into trouble for one of the few truths he utterded during his State of the Union address. He said identified "Lincoln Riley [sic]" as "an innocent young woman who was killed by an illegal". <Flappr Fact Check: True>. You're not allowed to call the illegals "illegal" as member of the modern Democratic party, you're 'spose to call the illegals "undocumented".
Many members of the Dem caucus called Joe out for this heresey, which forced him into apologizing for insulting the illegal community during an interview given a few days later. This is more warmth than Laken Riley's family received from Biden, who failed to even pronounce their murdered daughter's name right.
Not going to lie, this was upsetting to watch. Biden could've said "Listen, Jack, I'm not going to apologize for word choice while a family is grieving over their murdered daughter." But he didn't, he apologized. There just doesn't seem to be any set of circumstances where our government will put the needs of an American citizen above those of a person who does not belong here.
Anyways, this meme by @edwardrussl perfectly encapsulates Biden's week long mea culpa tour to illegal aliens. It was such a banger that Elon Musk dropped in with a reply to affirm its message:
Great work, @edwardrussl! Mr. Russl is a memer that I haven't given enough credit to over the past couple of years. Highly recommend you give him a follow.
Some Flappr Blogs
While you're here, why not subscribe to our YouTube Channel and enjoy some of our fine videos: