We've curated our weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
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Very Important News!
The Mirror: Sydney Sweeney stuns low-cut Marilyn Monroe style dress at People's Choice Awards red carpet
Holy shit. What a dress.
I do try to avoid repeating topics. But when it comes to Sydney Sweeney, I can't help myself. I don't think that I would be doing anyone a service if I avoided providing you with regular updates on her various exploits. She's a modern-day Helen of Troy. If Canada kidnapped Sydney Sweeney, I would gladly lead the vanguard into Ottawa to reclaim her and depose Fidel Castro's bastard. In fact, I'd be in favor of this even if they didn't kidnap Sydney Sweeney, but I digress . . .
This past weekend, Sweeney's latest film, Madame Web, was released to much mockery. It's a film that allegedly takes place in Sony's Spider-Man universe? I don't know, I did not see it, but I did notice that people from across the spectrum universally dunked on how bad it was. It's a rare thing these days that libtards and RW autists can agree on something, but this movie seems to be just that bad.
When the trailer dropped, I begged Sweeney to fire her agent and hire someone (me) who was more discerning about her career choices. I knew this movie was going to flop, and yet . . . when people are shit-talking Madame Web, you don't see them shit-talking Sydney Sweeney.
Nope, the only Sweeney chatter on social media over the weekend was over hot fucking hot she looked in the red dress pictured above. Seriously, she stars in a comic book movie that even CRITICS didn't like (and those fucking losers slurp up anything cape-related), but all anyone wants to talk about is the dress she wore to the People's Choice Awards. I'm no different! Look at her! She's so fucking pretty!
Even when she loses, she wins.
Sydney is a milker-equipped weapon of mass seduction. Ignore her at your peril.
This is Sydney Sweeney's world, the rest of us are just along for the ride.
According to the article, this buxom lass noticed that someone with her cousin's name was purchasing her 'racy videos' (which were probably very graphic). So she confronted him and he said that he lent his account to his friend and it was his friend that bought the videos. That sounds like a lie.
I don't blame this woman for being creeped out. Her cousin is a very creepy, cousin-jerker. That being said, I do think it's a bit much for this OF model to say that learning her cousin was on the site made her 'sick to her stomach', leading her to demand 'to know why her cousin would join in the first place'.
Yes, the whole practice of paying women for fuck videos is pretty gross. Porn, in general, is pretty gross. But it exists and this woman profits from the system. Following her logic, it's not repulsive that men have OF accounts and pay for porn, but it is repulsive when someone from her family has an OF account and pays for porn. Yes, it's natural (and a good thing even) that she was disgusted by the thought that her cousin was crankin' his hog to her graphic videos. But maybe this can serve as a lesson to her on the insidious nature of the system itself?
Maybe? No? Ok, it was worth a shot. Fellas, , , don't buy your cousin's fuck vids.
Nick Adams, President Trump's favorite author, life coach, scratch-golfer, Hooters enthusiast, and Alpha Male extraordinaire has lit the boycott signal to wage economic warfare against Chiptole, who he says, has gone woke.
The charge? An employee (who is allegedly a fellow Alpha Male) at Chipotle was written up for accidentally misgendering someone.
The sentence? Potential financial ruin, due to Alpha Males taking their business to
Qdoba or Moe's which, according to Adams, is better than Chipotle anyway.
Will this be as effective as the Bud Light boycott? Tough to say, but it's good to see an Alpha Man standing athwart DEI to fight injustice thrust upon his brethren.
I don't know why I decided to write about this. I guess Nick Adams just cracks me up. He's kind of a part of a new wave of Twitter users (like the liberal girl with the big forehead) who have gone full method actor for Elonbucks. It's one thing to just make silly tweets. It's another to keep in character every day and record videos like Nick does. That burrito spike was something else. True performance art.
I think that's the case anyways? I think Nick is just playing an over-the-top guy manosphere, culture warrior guy on Twitter. I think he may have even started tweeting like this in earnest and it kind of took on a life of its own?
Who knows. I don't care. He's fucking entertaining. Just listen to the way he pronounces "Chipotle" as "chuh-pot-ull". Very charming guy.
**ALPHA MEN CHIPOTLE BOYCOTT UPDATE**
It's very hard to not like this guy. He's very funny.
Ladies, , , do you do this? I mean, I don't care if you do. I kind of expect that you would do this. . . because why wouldn't you want your ass to look as peachy as possible for those over-the-shoulder thirst traps?
Do people not realize that other people only post flattering photos of themselves? People do not post photos of themselves that make them feel insecure. That would be dumb. Yes, people pose. Yes, they wear make-up. Yes, lighting matters. Yes, people use filters. Yes, it's all a bit sad.
But that's kind of the world you were born into and Western civilization has a long history of similar behavior. Women used to wear incredibly tightly pulled corsets to make their waists appear smaller and their tits appear bigger. Elizabethan-era women added pads or hoops to their dresses to make their asses look thiccer and their waists more narrow. The Wonderbra was invented in 1964. Madonna wore cones on her boobs in the 1980s. None of this is new. We've been catfishing each other since time immemorial.
So, I suppose, perk up those cheeks, ladies. Let's see the most pristine version of that apple bottom you can conjure up. No judgment here.
Editor's Note: I wish I didn't retire the Al Pacino from Heat bit last week, it would've worked perfectly here.
Look, I like weddings. Ok, that's not true. If my wife ever read that statement she would audibly cackle at how big of a lie I just told. I do like the IDEA of weddings, though. More specifically, I like the idea of people inviting friends and family to celebrate love and the union of two families into the creation of a new one. That's wholesome shit! I'm not a monster!
But why do people do the 'pretend I'm blowing him' photos? I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but what purpose do these serve? Is anyone going to look back at these and be like 'LOL, 'member when you pretended to blow me in public!" At best, these photos will looked back upon with the same level of regret as the tattoo you got in Myrtle Beach during Spring Break '09. At worst, your kids find them and visualize mommy and daddy performing cunnilingus on each other.
No, I think these types of photos are beneath the institution and the people involved. At least they should be. Save the bawdy photos for your dating life. Preserve the pomp and circumstance of your wedding. Keep things special, until you divorce, download your wedding photos to a USB drive, run it over with a truck and then delete the originals from your hard drive.
You know, what normal people do.
Elden Ring: is back (in June)
I don't talk a lot about video games on here, mainly because I don't play many of them and I think we all know why you read this blog and it ain't gamer news. If you're looking for my witty commentary on current events (which is, of course, the only reason you read this blog), just skip this part.
But the release of Elden Ring's forthcoming DLC Shadow of the Erdtree is worth talking about. Elden Ring was my first foray into FromSoftware's genre of high-fantasy, high-difficulty, controller-smashing action-RPG games. I fucking loved it. I loved it so much that I named it the best game of the last decade.
Elden Ring is a unique game. The graphics aren't its selling point, but they've built a beautiful, stunning, world. It often feels like you're playing inside of a Renaissance painting. The finer details of its story are told through item descriptions and contextual clues from the in-game environment. Most players (myself included) watch 'lore videos' from this dude Vaatividya on YouTube to understand the narrative of the game. There is no 'easy mode' setting. There is no real tutorial. You just get thrown into the fire and die a lot. Then you die some more. Then you keep dying until you learn how not to die. Then you get good.
That's a high barrier of entry, but people who like this genre, love this genre. Elden Ring is so hard on first-time players that libtard gaming journos wrote articles about how the game is discriminatory to disabled players and people who suck at games (like libtard gaming journos).
This did not matter. According to the most recent data I could find (from March 2023), Elden Ring sold over 20 million copies. It won basically every 'Game of the Year Award'. People fucking loved this game.
The new DLC is priced at $39.99 on Steam, which suggests it will be a huge expansion of the original title. People will buy Shadow of the Erdtree because FromSoftware makes good games that are fun to play and offer rewarding experiences. I can't wait to play this game when it drops in June and then have Vaatividya explain to me what just happened.
Ok, I'll stop being a nerd now.
Important News!
Did you know that we're in the middle of an election year?
No, seriously, an election for president of the United States will take place in November of this year. I forget this sometimes. Things are just really fucking crazy these days, you know?
It makes sense that Trump will need to announce his running mate soon. This is kind of an important decision. Not to be macabre, but if he wins, The Donald will be 78 by the time he takes the oath of office. No spring chicken! The person he chooses to run as VP might be someone of huge historical importance!
Not sure how DeSantis would qualify given residency issues. The Twelfth Amendment states that "[t]he Electors shall meet in their respective states, and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves.". Both Trump and DeSantis live in Florida, but I'm not sure the Constitution matters anymore, so . . . who knows?
Tulsi Gabbard is cool for a Bernie-Sanders-esque libtard, but she's still a Bernie-Sanders-esque libtard at heart, so I'm not sure I want her a heartbeat away from the presidency.
Vivek Ramaswamy? No thanks. Same goes for Kari Lake and Kristi Noem.
Tim Scott makes sense. He's basically black Mike Pence. He'll probably be the choice. Who knows. I still can't believe we're less than 10 months from an election. Fuck, it really does feel like we're still in year 8 of the 2016 election. Fuck, this whole year is going to be crazy. Buckle up.
Yeah, I think we all saw this coming. Once AI becomes the new "single source of truth" for Billions of people across the world, they'll be able to reshape facts to align with their desired reality. Want to find some crime stats that refute a tweet made by a retard on Twitter? Better find a book, because Google AI is going to just make up whatever fits the regime narrative, you racist.
It reminds me of a quote from Dune (one of the 7 books I've read in my lifetime):
Yep. That's the one.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Snow Bunny; ‘News’ in the Post-Literate Age and Bad Arguments in Support of Bad Policy
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain shares his opinion on the latest attempt to guilt Americans into sending more money for Ukraine's defense:
"The attempt to turn this into some sort of patriotic referendum — if you don’t support this bill, you don’t love America, we are told — suggests that there are no strictly factual or logical arguments in favor of the current policy. Why would you need to resort to impugning the motives of opponents, if you had facts and logic on your side? And it’s worth pointing out that many Republican opponents of the Biden policy aren’t anti-Ukraine (or pro-Russian), but are simply trying to leverage this as part of a deal to get some kind of action toward securing our own borders. Because, believe it or not, there are actually some Republicans in Congress who are listening to what their constituents are saying: “Why should we keep spending billions to defend Ukraine against foreign invasion if we’re not going to defend America against foreign invasion?”
I am not as anti-Ukraine as some have become (nor as pro-Ukraine as others), but the way that this latest Ukraine aid bill has been positioned has been particularly gross. This is "if you don't support X, then you're pro-Y" shit is Iraq War-type messaging. You were alive for that. You should remember. It didn't end well.
Moreover, at some point, even the most pro-Ukrainian people must ask themselves what the end game here looks like. The counter-offensive did not go well (putting it mildly). Thousands are dying. Maybe throwing more weapons at the situation is not a good thing? Maybe it's time to sue for peace? Or at least begin to take strategic steps to try and make that possible? If not, why not? I'm listening.
Animal Magnetism: Animal’s Hump Day News
The one in which Animal shared a brief history of the Alice Cooper Trashes the World tour, from which this performance of No More Mr. Nice Guy was recorded:
I am a child of the 1990s, so I know Alice Cooper more from his appearance in Wayne's World and various commercials than I do from his work behind a microphone. That's probably more on me than it is on Alice Cooper. I looked up his discography and I am familiar with a lot of his hits, but it does seem that at some point he became comfortable being Alice Cooper, pitchman, more than Alice Cooper, rock star. I could be wrong.
Consider yourself culturally edified.
David Thompson: Role Models, You Say
The one in which David shares news of a new 'traveling exhibition' on display at department stores in London, that will feature . . . eh, I'll let David explain:
"Posting under the alias Ruby Porcelain online, Whitcombe has uploaded hundreds of images of himself in fetish gear, bondage, and lingerie. Some photos depicted Whitcombe in dresses, spreading his legs to reveal himself in women’s underwear, and others show Whitcombe holding sex toys in his mouth.
This is properly fucked.
Important Sports News
Quinton Byfield: Holy shit, what a goal
Football is over. I don't watch the NBA and I don't really care for baseball anymore. I do love hockey, so sit back, relax, and strap it down, because we're gonna be talkin' puck on this blog for the next few months.
And why not? Hockey is awesome. Look at that goal! Byfield took the puck, went end-to-end, almost lost the puck, kicked it back to his skate, deked the goalie, and deposited the puck in the back of the net - ALL at full speed.
Remarkable stuff.
Byfield was the Kings' 2nd overall pick in 2020, he's been up and down during his first two NHL seasons, but he's putting up numbers this year. He's 6'5, he's real fast, he's real good and he's one of the young faces of the NHL. No word yet on whether or not he has a Supportive Significant Other of note.
Connor Bedard: is back
Connor Bedard had his jaw broken by Brendan Smith back on January 6th during a game against the Devils. Poor little guy missed 14 games due to injury, including what would've been his first All-Star Game. That sucked.
But he's back and he's notched six points in four games since his return. That number doesn't even include the two goals that were disallowed after video review. Despite missing nearly two months, Bedard still leads all NHL rookies in points and goals. That's pretty good.
Bedard came into the NHL with insane amounts of hype and he's lived up to his billing. He's really good. He's a reason for hope in Chicago. Too bad the team sucks around him.
Barstool Sports: Patrick Kane Wanted To Be A Blackhawk For Life
From The Athletic:
"If they came to me and said, ‘We want you to be a Blackhawk for life. Can we work something out?’ I think it probably would have been tough to say no, just because of what happened there and the success we had and just the relationship with the organization."
Well fuck. This makes me sad. I miss Patrick Kane. I never wanted to see him play for another organization. The Hawks were terrible for decades before Kane and Toews arrived. Nobody showed up for their games. They hadn't won a Stanley Cup in 49 years. So in many ways, Patrick Kane is the Blackhawks for entire generations of fans. There is also no reason why he can't return next season. It did make sense for him to leave when he did, though. There's some logic in not having Connor Bedard live in the shadow of Kane while trying to establish himself and make the team his own. Still, it fucking sucks to see that Kaner wanted to stay.
Please indulge me while I take this walk down memory lane:
Kane returns to the United Center on Sunday for the first time since being traded last year. It's the game of the year for the Blackhawks. The tribute video will be fucking sick. There won't be a dry eye in the house.
Bring him back, Blackhawks, Bedard needs help and Kaner is still electric.
As I've said on multiple occasions, Flappr is a Jay Cutler blog. During the divorce proceedings, Hay and Kristin divvied up the marital assets and Jay got Flappr. That's all there is to this. We're Team Cutty. Now and forever. Simple as.
But holy shit, K-Cav looks good in this video. We mean no disrespect, Mr. Cutler, but we see what you saw in her. And she's in her prime MILF years right now.
Very nice! It's a shame that things didn't work out for Jay and Kristin! Sadly, it would appear that Kristin is NOT an SSO.
Hotness aside, we're still very much Team Cutty. We cannot, however, ignore covering Kristin in the event she creates more newsworthy content. That would violate our code of journalistic ethics. The people deserve to be informed.
I'm just rambling now. This happens now and again. Moving on . . .
Remember all those times I wrote about how it was immoral and wrong for Outkick (among others) to anoint some new eGirl "The Paige Spiranac of <insert here>"? Well, I'm just going to assume that Paige read my blogs and took my message to heart. She didn't, but I'm just going to assume that.
According to this article from The Sun, Paige says that it's "flattering that everyone sees the path that I have taken and have been really successful doing so, and they want to do the same thing" and that she tries not to be competitive because her goal has always been to have "more women in the game."
Folks, , , that's called being magnanimous. But is she also being strategic? Paige knows she can't actually stop others from ripping off her flow, skirt for skirt, bra for bra. Paige knows that complaining about her copycats would look petty and beneath her. Paige also knows that she has people out there, such as those of us at Flappr, who will stand on that wall and defend her stature as the GOAT of all sport eGirl influencers against all pretenders (for journalistic purposes, of course). Accordingly, the ONLY move here from Paige was to say that she is 'flattered' by her imitators, all the while knowing that systems are in place to ensure that she maintains her crown.
We see what you did there, Paige. Machiavellian Milkers. Well played.
**PAIGE HAIR COLOR UPDATE**
Paige darkening her hair to promote non-blonde visibility is the only type of DEI that I can get behind. Real heroic shit on display here.
You know, I've seen Livvy Dunne's name about a billion times over the course of the year that I've been writing this blog . . . but I don't think I've ever actually seen her do the thing that she's nominally known for - being a college athlete!
She's a gymnast! It's kind of cool to see her do gymnastics stuff! Livvy Dunne is more than just a beautiful Instagram influencer, she's incredibly talented! She's on the number 2 ranked gymnastics team in the country! That's amazing!
My advice? Follow Paige Spiranac's lead post more videos that highlight and celebrate her athletic prowress. It makes it her seem more human, more competent and less like an object that just supposed to be looked at.
Black Sports Online: Watch Goalie Mikayla Demaiter Show Off Massive Cleavage and Hockey Skills On The Ice
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
A week after we dealt with the perplexing and earth-shifting news that Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter is Pivot[ing] To Basketball, Mikayla is back in goalie pads, showing off 'Massive Cleavage' (wrong) and her 'Hockey Skills" on the ice.
All is right with the world. This is a very literal (though inaccurate) BSO headline.
Very Important Meme of the Week
This week's winner comes from @thecaptain_nemo for this Google Gemini slamming banger. There were a TON of memes made about how Google Gemini is woke and generates DEI-inspired imagery this week, but this was the best one. I don't know @thecaptain_nemo, but this meme was so good that Elon Musk stole it and tweeted it without attribution. That's not cool, @elonmusk.
Congrats Mr. Nemo, this was 10/10.
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