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Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 09.29.23

We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news! We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!

 

Very Important News!


Selena Gomez: embraced liberté, égalité, fraternité during trip to Paris.

I mean, , , sacré bleu, right? The French mind cannot comprehend boobs that big. French women are, to my experience, blessed with long (slightly flat) bottoms but are not known to be very busty in nature.


Then you have Selena Gomez's pillowy pontoons rolling into Paris like a platoon of panzers in June of 1940, putting all those feminine frogs to shame. I'm surprised that French women didn't just surrender. It's in their blood. I don't think they can themselves French anymore, they're Vichy Gomez. They may never recover.


Just total udder (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes) devastation.


Did the haters really think that this Massively Milker'd MILF with Siamese Silos of Saline Superiority was just going to. . . what? Fade into the sunset?


Donna will NEVER stop posing in swimsuits!


We are so back. The DDMTE is so back. We might never have been more back than we are right now.


We salute you, Donna DD'Errico (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), our daring, dairy-endowed debutant from Dolton, Alabama for your heroism. We also thank you for all you've done to push the MILF movement forward, both here and abroad.


*I would also note that, based on the photo above, Donna was definitely NOT brainwashed by Murdoch-Hairy-Muff-Gate. HERO!


Sundress Season: has come to an end.


As the official, self-proclaimed, Wardens of Sundress Season, we are sad to report that Sundress Season 2023 has officially come to a close.


Celebrate the season that was and allow yourself to dream of spring with my epic video essay Sundress Nationalism (also plz plz plz subscribe, ffs).


No Context, Beautiful Woman Wearing A Sundress:

May as well squeeze one more of these in before I have to figure out a new bit for fall/winter. That's the unspoken tragedy of the end of Sundress Season - it forces people like me to have to create new content.


Won't someone think of the retarded blogger who makes no money and has to come up with new ideas? Tragedy.


From the article:


"My advice was to try to have sex every day [for seven days]… Then in between actual copulation, send sexy messages, send sexy pictures, if you’re comfortable"


So apparently 150 women took this woman's advice to actively seduce their husbands, have sex with them and then got pregnant by them?


Listen to this woman, ladies! Bone your husbands! Make babies! Babies only severely limit your life for 5 years and completely drain your finances for 18 to 60 after that! Stop being selfish!


Seriously, though . . . go make some babies. I'm talkin' to you. Yes, you. Make sure to raise 'em right too. A generation or two of good, upstanding, Judeo-Christian (or even some of the weird religions) Americans might be just the thing we need to push the commies back into the swamp from which them came. This advice might literally save Western civilization!


So go have some sex, that's an order!


I'll be honest, I didn't read this article, but I would bet that this porn star turned "getting slut shamed into profit" by taking a giant dick in her ass.


Feel like the odds are pretty solid that "giant dick in the ass" is somehow related her $30K a month, porn star income. It is a nice ass, though.



What a fucking headline. . . need to investigate this one further. Let's watch.

Yeah. . . I mean, not sure what I was expecting there. That was pretty much as advertised. That was 'bondage Shrek'. I'm not sure what level of degenerate you have to be to want to see 'bondage Shrek', but thanks to the wonders of capitalism - if you want to see a live action 'bondage Shrek' dressed in latex . . . you can.


Actually, the more I think about it, this weird shit might be the best argument against capitalism. Actually, as I think about this even more, this weird shit might be the best argument against humanity.


Hilary Duff: became a sexy-ass MILF; turned 35

Hilary Duff's career has been an interesting one, she became one of the most famous people in America as a teenager, then her career went into hibernation for a decade or so and she's re-emerged as a certifiable MILF.


At some point in the past few years Hilary Muff (intentional spelling for comedic purposes) started popping up and looking hotter and hotter. She's a rare case where she definitely became much sexier as she's aged.


Apparently she's in a reboot of How I Met Your Mother, which I have zero interest in watching. . . but it has produced some very fascinating scenes.

Happy 35th birthday, Hannah Montana.


'The World's Hottest Lawyer'.


Look, folks, , , , I'm sure this woman is good at her job, but 'hot' isn't a characteristic I care much about when trying to pick the person responsible for keeping my ass out of jail.


I would be TOTALLY content with 'The World's Most Competent Defense Attorney, Who Has A SMOKING Body That She Tries To Hide Under A Tight Fitting Suit Jacket / Skirt Combo, But She Can't Because Her Body Is So Smoking.


Is that too much to ask?


Taylor Swift: is boning Travis Kelce?

As if watching the Chiefs skull-fuck the Bears 41-10 wasn't bad enough, I also had to endure an entire game of cutaways to Taylor Swift cheering for my pain from Travis Kelce's luxury box.


It wasn't enough that this glutally-challenged woman ruined an entire generation of white women . . . now she has her eyes set on the NFL.


Is this even a real thing? Are they really boning? Or is this some incredibly gay marketing stunt? Given that Taylor Swift has a movie coming out on October 13th, my money is on incredibly gay marketing stunt.

To me, driving out of the stadium in that convertible is the giveaway. The convertible screams "what, you think this might just be an incredibly gay marketing stunt, well you're wrong, look at us, we're in a convertible and you can see us both in the convertible together since it doesn't have a roof!"


My guess is that Travis Kelce publicly mentioned that he wanted to meet Taylor Swift on his podcast (and she ignored him). That started a newscycle about how 'Travis Kelce could be dating Taylor Swift?!?!?' which was entirely fabricated based on Kelce's comments on his podcast. At some point, someone on Taylor Swift's PR team gets wind of the fake Travis Kelce rumors and realizes that this is the perfect opportunity for an incredibly gay marketing stunt. Taylor Swift sits in Kelce's box for a game, Fox cuts to her 30 times during the game, they play kissy-face at an after party and she absolutely dominates headlines for an entire week.


Think about it this way: how many dudes that didn't know much about Taylor Swift and would never have bought a ticket to her shitty movie now have seen her name and face everywhere for an entire week? Now, when their wives/girlfriends say "hey, can we go see the Taylor Swift movie?" a fair amount of these dudes will think "the flat-assed chick that Travis Kelce is boning? Sure, why not?"


That's my theory, anyways. It is as fucking brilliant as it is cynical.


 

Less Important News


The GOP: debated.

Let's be honest. . . you already have a preferred candidate and nothing I say will change your opinion. So, instead of pretending like my opinions matter here - please enjoy the following choose your adventure analysis by filling the blanks to reaffirm your priors.


"<insert candidate here> DOMINATED last night, I loved how <he/she> responded to the question on <insert issue here>, it was brilliant! I LITERALLY don't understand how people can vote for anyone other than <insert candidate here>!


Meanwhile, <insert candidate you hate here> got FUCKING OWNED! <insert candidate you hate here> should suspend their campaign to avoid further humiliating <himself/herself> and <his/her> family! What a fucking loser!"


Moving on . . .


Thankfully I can direct you to our chief legal correspondent @jarvis_best for commentary on this indictment, which was provided earlier this week in Torts Illustrated - Sen. Menendez Did Nothing Wrong. Go read that, please.



So, I'm not sure that listing Joe's home address as the "beneficiary address" is the smoking gun that some people think it might be - because wire transfers get sent to an account, rather than an address. But, it's another piece of evidence to throw into the mix to build the case that Joe Biden is a corrupt dirtbag (he is).


It also shows that Biden was unequivocally lying when he said "My son has not made money in terms of this thing about… what are you talking about — China" back in 2020.

This information might be damning for Biden, if the media actually covered the story and/or your average American cared enough to look into it for themselves.


Charles C.W. Cooke / National Review: Bright Warning Signs for Biden in the ABC/WaPo Poll


From the article:


"Among the problems that the president faces — problems that exist independently of Donald Trump, or a head-to-head matchup between Biden and Trump — are that:

  • 44 percent of Americans say they are financially worse off as a result of Joe Biden’s presidency;

  • 37 percent approve of Biden’s job performance;

  • 30 percent approve of Biden’s economic record;

  • 23 percent approve of Biden’s handling of the border;

  • 74 percent believe that Biden’s too old to be president;

  • 40 percent would blame a shutdown on Biden, as opposed to 33 percent who would blame the GOP in Congress;

  • 62 percent of Democrats and Democrat-leaning independents want Biden to step aside in favor of another candidate"

It would be nice to think that Americans have finally begun to see the Joe Biden that the media refuses to portray - a doddering, old, incompetent, fool that isn't in control of his own administration. Let's hope that's the case.



From the article:


"Perhaps this hero does exist. A ruthless capitalist who loves the Second Amendment as much as he hates the IRS, and is doing more than any Republican leader to bring down the Biden administration. We've just been looking for him in all the wrong places. Meet Robert Hunter Biden."


Andrew Stiles is a very funny dude. You should make his columns part of your weekly reading diet.


Lee Enphield / En Bloc Press: Late Night Thoughts on AI


From the article:


"Maybe you think AI might lead to better decision-making by management. You don't want that. The best decision your boss could make is to fire 20% of the company and then use AI to make sure that you don't piss more than once per 8-hour shift. Elon just fired 80% of Twitter and things are fine. You think AI wouldn't have reached the same decision? You think AI is going to decide to put a margarita machine in the breakroom for casual Friday? Guess again, dickhead -- you're going to be brown-nosing a fucking algorithm until you retire at 75."


Lee is one of the funniest, most intelligent and ruthless posters on Twitter. I am a huge fan of his; have followed him for years. Lee runs a website called En Bloc Press, where Lee writes primarily about Second Amendment issues - but also covers other various topics that pique his interest.


Unsurprisingly, Lee's writing is as good, if not better than, his tweets. Somewhat surprisingly, I did not know En Bloc Press existed until this week. Why? Because Lee is, in his own words, "very weak at promoting my newsletter tbh".


This is my long-winded way of saying that Lee is really, talented and you should absolutely go subscribe to his newsletter. You should even pay for a subscription that will give you access to his podcast. Both are worth your time and money.



The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares the almost too surreal to be true story of how Justin Trudeau literally honored a Ukrainian Nazi collaborator who fought in the 14th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS during WWII.


From the article:


"And, because they think of the proxy war against Putin as an expression of their moral superiority, liberals are utterly blind to any problems with their friends in Ukraine. So you have the liberals in the Canadian parliament applauding a literal Nazi, and if you object to this . . . Well, you’re a right-wing extremist and probably racist, too."


Well said.



The one in which Animal reports on how defense contractors have helped bankroll Adam Schiff's campaign for Senate, while Schiff uses his power in the house to hand out earmarks, worth millions of dollars, to those same contractors.


Unsurprising.



The one in which David provides an update on the machete wielding college art professor, who threatened to maim a NY Post reporter earlier this year. Turns out that, after being fired for machete wielding, she's got a new job teaching!


The Left takes care their own. The Right is quick to disown anyone the Left might find offensive. Many such cases!

 

Important News, BUT Sports

TNF: Jordan Love fucking sucks; Packers embarrassed by Lions.

This dude SUUUUUUCKS.


The Lions went into Lambeau last night and kicked the shit out of Jordan Love and the Packers. Love was sacked five times, picked off twice and the Packers were humiliated in primetime, losing 34-20 to the new kings of the NFC North.


The refs even tried to help the Packers win the game, allowing Love to complete a deep pass after he snapped the ball after time expired in the third-quarter - but Love is so terrible that it didn't matter.

Yes, last night was my Super Bowl and I don't care how pitiful that sounds.


The Bears: fucking suck; will lose to the Broncos who just gave up 70pts.


As I prophesized last week, the Bears lost by 14+ points to the Chiefs last Sunday and boy, oh boy, did they get shit pumped.

Up next for the Bears - a showdown at Soldier Fields with the winless Denver Broncos! The Bears are home underdogs for this game (+3), despite the fact that the Dolphins just put up 70 on the Broncos.


That's what we call insult to injury, folks!


And guess what, the Broncos are going to cover that spread and beat the Bears by 6+ points. The Broncos are bad. The Bears are helpless. That's the difference.


The Ryder Cup: starts today; the players' wives are very hot.


I don't watch a ton of golf, but the Ryder Cup is always pretty fun because it's more like a traditional American sporting event. Traditional golf etiquette is abandoned, players get fired up and the crowd gets rowdy and it feels like team competition.


Here's another cool thing about the Ryder Cup - the player's wives are smokeshows and have started thirst posting on social media.


A few examples:


Jena Sims, wife of Brooks Koepka

Internet 1.0 legend, Allison Stokke, wife of Rickie Fowler

Kat Morikawa, wife of Collin Morikawa

So yeah, go Team USA! Go beat those European dickheads and win the Ryder Cup on European soil for the first time in 30 fucking years!


I've got to be honest - I'm not a huge fan of Paulina's decision to chop her hair down to her shoulders. Make no mistake, Wayne's daughter (and Dustin Johnson's wife) still looks absolutely stunning, but Paulina has very sharp, intense, features and I think the short-straight-hair makes her look a little too much like Victoria Beckham.


IMHO, Ms. Gretzky long, blonde, locks help soften those sharp edges and gives her a more fun and playful vibe.


**and this has been another edition of Bart pretends to know what he's talking about when it comes to women's fashion and beauty choices**


I don't know who Brittany Renner is, but apparently she's a big booty'd Instagram influencer that has sex with a lot of dudes (apparently 35 of them). And if we're being honest, she probably said 35, thinking that number didn't sound that THOTish, but the real number is closer to 50.

Ok, the real number is probably closer to 75.



So this one is a little different because it's from the Daily Star (rather than Outkick) and it's technically a "The Next Paige Spiranac" instead of "The Paige Spiranac of", but the concept is still the same. . .


I consider myself a true "The Next Paige Spiranac" expert, so I will now review and rate the accuracy of this claim.

The Next Paige Spiranac Accuracy Rating: Listen, this lady is not even in the same universe as Paige Spiranac. Her entire claim to being "The Next Paige Spiranac" is that men would harass her and say “you got this job because you’re hot” and “so, you’re like the new Paige Spiranac."


I mean, I don't think it's cool that men (allegedly) harass her, but it seems like she's just using Paige's name to draw attention to herself. Shameful.


Speaking of. . .


Paige Spiranac: Team USA supporter.

After looking at this photo . . . is there any world in which I am wrong about my "The Next Paige Spiranac" rating above? God Bless America.



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):

BSO Headline Literalness Rating: Hmmm. . . that is Mikayla Demaiter and she is 'showing off her massive cleavage and bum' in that crop-top-mini-skirt combo. However, that crop top only has three buttons, meaning that it is not 'half-buttoned' but rather two-third's buttoned.


Final rating - this is a mostly literal BSO headline.


What do you think of Mikayla's bum, Al Pacino from the movie Heat?

Agreed, Mr. Pacino, though I would add that her bum qualifies as an ASS for classification purposes.

 

Very Important Meme of the Week

I swear I don't INTEND to give meme of the week to @Richard_Harambe every week, but when he has a week like he did this week. . . there's just no other choice. So, rather than explain why this meme of knife wielding Britney Spears playing Fruit Ninja was so clever, I'm just gonna share more of his S-Tier memes from this past week:

6/6 - very mid.

This Vivek meme goes on for 10 separate tweets, with 10 separate memes of Vivek's hair getting taller.


There are a ton of amazing meme artists out there (@apparentlysteve, @magills_ @HollyBriden, @drefanzor and @midnightmitch, to name a few), you should follow all of them and let them know you appreciate their work. With @Richard_Harambe, just know you're witnessing greatness. The dude is like Tiger Woods at Augusta in 2001 - a meme making machine, playing at the top of his game.

 

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2 Comments


Guest
Oct 04, 2023

Barely alive on account of shortness of breath caused by endless fiery photos of all the busty beautés. Please attach appropriately stern trigger warnings in the future and/or make pull-ready fire alarms a standard feature of your prose, thank you.

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Another fine edition of T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym)!

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