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Torts Illustrated - Sen. Menendez Did Nothing Wrong

Editor's Note: In effort to expand our coverage on topics you care about, we've convinced Jarvis Best to become our Chief Legal Correspondent to help make hide and/or hair of legal matters of the day . . . though we must insist that any opinions shared herein should not be taken as legal advice or advice of any kind, really.

The CORRUPT Biden Department of Justice is back to its old (and new) tricks again, bringing false charges against its political enemies. First, they indicted Trump. Then they indicted Trump again. Finally, they indicted former President Donald Trump. BUT THEN they went full racism (not the funny kind) and came after another target: hero Latinx Senator Bob Menendez.

I've skimmed the indictment and it's bullshit. The feds allege that Sen. Menendez had contacts with Egyptian officials and promised to do political favors for Egypt, and in return, Sen. Menendez would receive bars of gold. As part of the deal, Egypt granted a small New Jersey company with no revenue, IS EG Halal, monopoly rights as the sole halal certifier for food exports to New Jersey - the increased revenue for Halal would then be passed on to Sen. Menendez.

Now obviously, none of this illegal.

In fact, the entire arrangement was extremely halal.

Why has Biden decided that helping a small business get off the ground is a felony? Since when is being nice to Egypt worthy of prison time? I think we all know what's really going on here.

First, as the Senator himself has noted, Sen. Menendez is a stunning and brave Latinx lawmaker who has fought for the little guy his whole career, including for the plucky little Egyptians who simply want to eat halal food imported from New Jersey for some reason. This makes Biden (an Islamophobic white man) furious. The racial angle is simply too obvious to ignore.

Secondively, Biden needed a scapegoat to make it look like his DOJ does stuff other than cover up for Democrats. What better way to do so than to indict a Democrat Senator who had already been tried for corruption a few years back and let off due to a mistrial after a hung jury?

Biden knows that the United States has a long history of indicting people named Menendez who then get off at the first trial due to a hung jury.

So obviously, all of this political. Biden is offering up Sen. Menendez as a sacrificial lamb simply because Menendez challenged the existing political order.

Hey Biden, did you know there was another famous minority leader who made the empire nervous? He too fought for the little guy, came up out of Egypt, and received gifts of gold. I'd be careful about crucifying this guy, because he might just come back more powerful than ever.

To read more of Jarvis' insights, such as "[t]hat chick has huge tits" and "[j]ust once I want to have sex without being indicted", follow him on Twitter, here.

1 Comment

Sep 29, 2023

I did not previously hear of Mr. Best, but this masterful explainer is really promising & puts him on a trajectory towards reaching journalistic heights of a Philip Bump or even Aaron T. Retar very, very soon

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