We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Flappr: released its 2023 Milkers of the Year Award
The Calcium Council convened and assembled the list of the best (and milkiest) boobs of the year. Above you will find the division winners for the Rookie of the Year, IBTC, Most Talked About Milkers, Senior Sandbag and Mommy Milkers divisions, respectively . . . but who took home 'Breast in Show'?
For that answer, my friends, you'll have to click and read the blog - which contains over 45 euphemisms for human female breasts.
It was a tremendous undertaking. It required hours of research. There was much internal debate. But we think we did everyone a great service.
What an accomplishment by Flappr. You're welcome.
Flappr: released its 2023 Big Juicy Booty Award
Similarly, we asked noted butthole enthusiast, @assliken, to appraise and award Flappr's 2023 Big Juicy Booty award. This award was handed out in 2023 as a way to troll AOC (whose booty is neither big nor juicy), but it took a more analytical approach in determining this year's winner.
Paige Spiranac received her first ever nomination for a Flappr Annual award (which is somewhat of a scandal that I hope people don't notice) . . . but did she win?
For that answer, my friends, you'll have to click and read the blog - which contains over 45 euphemisms for human female buttockses!
Given @assliken's struggles with the English language and his penchant for pushing boundaries, this fairly short blog took days to edit and required several editor's noes. And yet, the end product (pun) is a worthwhile read and a service to the community.
What an accomplishment by me. You're welcome.
Listen, I hate ESPN as much as the next guy, but I have to defend them here. If ESPN DIDN'T accidentally air a woman flashing her Bourbon Street Beauties on live television, it would've been a catastrophic failure by the four-letter-network.
I know I might seem to be inconsistent on this issue, given my past condemnations for acts of public thottery - but Bourbon Street is an exception to this the code of conduct. When you go Bourbon Street, you are signing up for local customs familiar to that particular community. On Bourbon Street, you are probably going to see a titty or two.
So, why bother airing a live shot of Bourbon Street during the Sugar Bowl if you're not going to "accidentally" show a hammered harlot dumping out her heavies out for beads? This isn't smut. This is just good fun. Actually, a drunk woman flashing her breasts on live TV during the Sugar Bowl should become a national tradition. I'm somewhat ashamed it isn't already.
Folks, , , , I chose to include this story in this week's edition of T.I.T.S. for two very BIG reasons: 1) to highlight the negative effects that poor tax policy has on a population; and 2) to remind you that purchasing previously worn clothes worn by an Italian porn star is very sad and a terrible your use of your hard-earned money.
Wait . . . what did you think I was going to say?
First off, this Bountifully Blessed Bella provides us with a tremendous, real-life, case study for the Laffer curve, which posits that tax revenues actually decrease after a certain taxation rate has been reached. This is the case here, where an Italian porn star made the economically sensible move of leaving her home country (and its 43% tax rate on earnings over 75k) for the more palatable income tax scheme in Switzerland.
'Why sell my used underwear on the internet for only 67 cents on the dollar?' she must have asked herself - and you know what? I don't blame her. Italy's draconian taxation rates led to one of its most beautiful and milkiest residents to leave The Pearl of the Mediterranean in exile. This would be like Sydney Sweeney leaving the United States for Guatemala. What a literal fucking tragedy.
Also, fellas, , , , I implore you, don't spend your money purchasing used panties from women on the internet. You're better than that! Use that time and effort to join a gym, go to church or find a wife for fuck's sake. You got this, you don't need to sniff dirty underwear to feel a connection to the world, I believe in you.
This Lady: really pissed people off by posting a cake making video
I know literally nothing about Isabella Maria DeLuca other than she pissed off so many people by posting a video of herself being hot while making a Brown Butter Caramel Cake. She has a cute smile, is ample bosomed and seems like an affable young lady in the video. The cake appears to be pretty damn yummy looking too. The video itself is almost three months old. I genuinely don't understand why people decided to get insanely mad over this cake video last week.
So, I had to look this up and, according to the Independent Journal Review, "DeLuca has been criticized on X for the last week over images of her in bathing suits as part of a broader argument about some conservative women who recently chose to pose for a calendar marketed for conservative men."
Hmph. That's the reason she made people mad with this video? Because she's busty, conservative and posted a mild thirst trap video online?
Well, then that's a real fucking dumb reason for people to be mad. People do realize that she's clothed, right? People do realize that she's just baking a cake, right? People do realize that this content is VERY tame compared to 99% of the content posted on Instagram or TikTok, right? Isabella DeLuca has nothing to be ashamed of here, she's attractive and made a video that didn't hide her Conservative Calcium Cannons. Oh, well, life moves on.
Oh, and this calendar outrage is fucking dumb, too. We are living in an era where the media wants us to accept that literal men are sexy swimsuit models and you're mad that some conservative women decided to pose for a hetero-normative calendar? When the calendar was announced weeks ago, I didn't even comment on it for this blog, not because it was offensive, but because the calendar is cringey! The moral crime here is the beer company creating cringe content, not the attractive women posed for photos of themselves being attractive!
What the fuck is wrong with these people?
Now, this is 2024 and I've seen enough "omg, I accidentally showed my butthole in this video I took and then posted to social media" videos to know that this was more likely an intentional 'peek-a-booty' post than a wardrobe malfunction, but let's bathe ourselves in ignorance for a minute and assume it was genuine.
This, folks, , , , is the type of accidental public nudity that is best described as 'the spice of life that reminds us that the human condition is chaotic and beautiful!' If you saw this Franco Fanny walking down the Champs-Élysées, it would make your day - not in a sexual way, mind you, more so in a 'how about that, I just saw an accidental booty' kind of way.
Now, as an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think of that Parisian Pooper, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I think we all could've guessed you'd appreciate that Eiffel Tower Tuchus, Al Pacino from Heat. My opinion? Well, you can't see much in the video, but the cheeks look pretty nice! Alas, I must say that my opinion remains inconclusive due to a lack of credible evidence on the size and density of those Louvre Lady Lumps.
Important News!
This is the tip of the iceberg stuff. This isn't the client list that everyone is hoping to see released. Most of these documents (or at least what was contained in these documents) was already, more or less, in the public sphere. Bill Clinton? Yeah, he's (allegedly) he's mentioned as being into "young girls". Prince Andrew? Yep, he also (allegedly) had sex with a 17-year-old. We knew this, though.
The biggest shockers to me were that Michael Jackson (allegedly) visited Epstein Island and that Stephen Hawking (allegedly) had taken part in an "underage orgy." Those these were surprising for different reasons . . . which I'll leave you to discern for yourselves.
When will we get the full client list? Probably never, but the records to be unsealed are expected to unmask the identities of about 177 people who were connected to Epstein - who definitely didn't kill himself.
So, Claudine Gay has resigned as the President of Harvard. She will still collect her 900K salary. She will still remain on Harvard's faculty. So, I'm guessing she's not TOOO bummed about this news.
Moreover, I think some things remain unsaid that should be said (all my opinions).
Gay was not targeted because she is a black woman, but she was targeted by Christopher Rufo because she is a symbol of DEI culture. Gay was also targeted by donors like Bill Ackman after her Congressional testimony on antisemitism. These folks, among others, did work to discredit Gay and Harvard and are likely happy that they succeeded. Gay's resume was unimpressive as compared to her predecessors. Gay is absolutely guilty of plagiarism. The plagiarism was not minor, and Harvard would have expelled a student if they had done the same. Gay deserved to lose the job she should never have been given because she has no credibility to lead the university. Finally, it's ok to take a measure of joy from making these people to abide by the toxic, graceless, standards that they created.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Happy New Year!; An Inauspicious New Year and Pouncing? Yes, But Also Seizing: GOP Gets Credit for Resignation of Harvard University’s Plagiarist President
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain dissects the media's reaction to Claudine Gay's resignation. From the article:
"Strange as it might seem, some journalists apparently believe it’s a bad thing to force the president of Harvard University to resign amid a plagiarism scandal, which followed close on the heels of Claudine Gay’s failure to condemn anti-Semitism. It was not anything that Gay did wrong, they tell us, but rather “a conservative-stoked firestorm” that brought her down."
Yeah, funny that.
Animal Magnetism: Animal’s Hump Day News
The one in which Animal shared with you one of my favorite musical compositions (Rhapsody in Blue) performed by my favorite pillowy pontoon'd pianist (Khatia Buniatishvili)!
I challenge you to watch this video and not be moved in one form or another.
David Thompson: Friday Ephemera (705); and Breeze Around The Knees
The one where David shares concerns from the Guardian on why more men haven't started wearing skirts.
From the article:
"Possibly because it tends to look contrived and rather silly, even when celebrities do it. A contrivance that suggests, not so much a high-minded “dismantling” of “gendered fashion,” or “a small step towards gender equality,” as Mr Harper would have us believe, but something closer to tedious self-absorption. The kind of thing one might expect from a disingenuous, noodle-legged Guardian columnist, say."
Yeah, and because ladies wear skirts and I'm not a lady.
Important Sports News!
The Chicago Bears: have a chance to keep the Packers out of the playoffs
The Bad News: The Bears fumbled away three games they were winning by 10+ heading into the fourth quarter and were eliminated from the playoffs last week.
The Good News: The Bears are actually pretty fucking good right now?! Since starting 0-4 and looking like they'd never win a game . . . they have gone 7-5! The head coach that everyone wanted fired somehow built one of the best young defenses in football?! They are fun to watch and thanks to the Panthers, they have the number 1 overall pick in next year's draft! This team has never been more set up for future success in my entire life. Oh, and the Bears can piss all over the Packers' season by going into Lambeau on Sunday and stealing a win!
The Sad Reality: The Bears will likely find a way to fuck all of this up. The Bears will find a way to blow this opportunity to either draft a franchise quarterback and/or trade the pick for a stockpile of draft capitol to build a Super Bowl contender. The Bears will find a way to lose to ugly, stinky, Jordan Love and the Packers will continue to shit down my throat.
But then again, maybe not? Maybe the Bears will actually seize this moment and give Chicago a true reason for optimism. Maybe Justin Fields will storm into Green Bay, run for 125, throw for 250 and three TDs and cause rise in domestic abuse cases throughout the greater Wisconsin area (a very sad, true fact). Maybe the Bears will not make me sad for the first time in a very long time.
Nah, I know better. The Bears (+3) are going to lose the Packers by double digits.
UPDATE: The Bears lost, Justin Fields looked really bad, and Jordan Love looked really good. Fuck my life. This is the worst possible outcome. Many such cases.
Jena Sims and Brooks Koepka: are #RelationshipGoals
Look at these two mother fuckers. They're just sexy, rich, in love and having the time of their lives. I am jealous and I'm not afraid to admit that (credit to me).
We should all be so lucky to live the charmed life of Brooks Koepka. Dude has won five major championships (including the Masters, twice), made $100 million to join the LIV tour, married a smoke show actress, who gave him a son last year and here is . . . twirling sparklers on her titties on New Year's Eve.
Brooks and Jena are currently the first couple of all professional sports. What a life.
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: In the Least Surprising Story You'll Hear in 2024, a Server Accuses Brittany Mahomes of Stiffing Her on a $130 Tab
Ooof . . . I generally think Brittany Mahomes gets too much shit from people online, but this is not a good look.
If you're a person of means, you should be generous with hospitality staff. You should do this because open-handedness is a virtue . . but in lieu of that, you should tip self-preservation reasons. Hospitality workers handle your food. They clean your room. They have access to your toothbrush. They are not robots. They have axes and they will grind them.
Not smart, Brittany. Getting outed as a cheapskate was likely the least bad thing that happened to you that weekend (pubes in food, possibly).
According to the video, Paige Spiranac's top 5 goals for 2024 are as follows:
"I want to be a plus handicap again."
"I want to read more."
"[I want to] pick up some new hobbies"
"I want to text back faster"
"I want to post more."
"I want to lean up and feel good with my skin and my body."
"[I] want to do what makes me feel good".
There are seven items on this list, but we are not going to be pedantic here. We will, for journalistic purposes, attempt to track Paige's success with attaining her top 7 goals for 2024.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: I love this headline. My man, Clement, over at BSO decided to call them 'Front Assets'. I feel like he read Flappr at some point and was like 'I should get in on the human female breast euphemism game'. I respect the effort 'Front Asset' effort here. Now on to Demi Rose, who is definitely has 'Massive Front Assets' and is definitely 'topless' in this 'thirst trap' photo.
This my friends, is a very literal BSO Headline. Also, I have no idea who Demi Rose is, but she might require additional coverage in 2024 . . . for journalistic purposes.
Very Important Meme of the Week
This meme from @apparentlysteve is topical, clever and such a banger that Madison Cawthorn, who is wheelchair bound and claimed that he was invited to an orgy during his time in congress, had to smash the retweet button.
If you make a meme that's so good that the subject of the meme shares it on their own page. . . that's meme of the week material.
Some Flappr Blogs
While you're here, why not go subscribe to our YouTube Channel and enjoy some of our fine videos: