We've curated our weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
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Very Important News!
This lady makes a lot of sense. There have been literal scientific studies performed that show that 90% of men prefer C and D-cup-sized breasts over their less bountiful counterparts. It's not that we don't like medium or smaller-sized breasts, in fact, breast size to body type proportionality is vitally important. And yet, on average, it's the bigger ones that trigger something primal within our being.
It's not personal, it's genetic!
Humans (men AND women, but more so men) are wired to be attracted to large breasts. Big breasts are a visible anatomical indicator that a woman is producing sufficient levels of estrogen and progesterone - the hormones needed to reproduce successfully. In the earliest stages of human evolution, malnourishment was a problem, meaning that not every woman had access to the nutrients necessary to make enough progesterone or estrogen (and therefore reproduce). The instinct to gravitate towards bigger breasts is coded in our DNA and has been passed down, through our genes, from generation to generation of milker-loving men. We are powerless to resist millions of years of evolution.
All that being said, we are humans, not animals and we live in a society. This means that we must 'do the work' to reduce big boob privilege in all its insidious forms. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but members of the IBTC should not suffer from pendulous-pontoon-based prejudice. We must do better.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all boobs are created equal. I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, that Mommy Milker'd Maidens and Fair Sized Fräuleins will be able to sit down together at the table of sisterhood. I have a dream that women will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the size of their breasts but by the content of their character. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every crop top and every sports bra, from every sundress and every bikini, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, Bodacious Bazookas, Humble Honeydew Headrests and Lilliputian Lactoids will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old booby hymnal: Free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty, those gozungas are free at last.
Editor's Note: OK, even I'll admit that this whole section was a bit much, but I was cookin' and just had to see the whole thing through.
What the fuck, NY Post? Are we posting Magic Eye illusions now? Do you do this now? Have you lowered yourself to Boomer Facebook Group status? Alright, fine, I'll give this a shot, but I've never been able to see these hidden images. I just don't have this talent. I cannot cross my eyes. My wife and kids make fun of me for this regularly. But whatever, let's see if I can pull this one off.
***puts nose to screen and stares directly at image for 2 minutes***
I can't see anything. Fuck this stupid shit. Who came up with these stupid fucking eye tricks? This seems like communist bullshit. I hate these.
***puts nose to screen and stares directly at image for 5 more minutes***
Seriously, what the fuck? How are you supposed to see something through all these wiggly lines?
***puts nose to screen and stares directly at image for 10 more minutes***
Do you think you're better than me because you can cross your eyes and see some stupid fucking animal? Well, you're not. Fuck you, you cross-eyed fucks. Stop laughing. This isn't funny. I hate you.
***puts nose to screen and stares directly at image for 20 more minutes***
I hate the NY Post for re-opening this wound from my youth. These things are stupid and only stupid people enjoy this very stupid thing. Fuck off. Also, if you can see the animal, please answer in the comments below (it's a cheetah, right?)
Moving on . . .
Do I agree with the trolls on this one? I mean, it is a bit startling to think of a 20-year-old being stepmother to a 15-year-old. She is 20 years younger than her husband. That age gap is pretty, uh, non-traditional?
Generally, yes, I do agree with the trolls . . . but with a caveat. If you are a divorcee with school-aged children, I think it is a good idea to find a partner that helps maintain some level of normalcy, or continuity, in an already strained situation for the kids. Marrying a woman that's 20 years your junior (and within 5 years of your oldest child) violates that rule. Yes, it might be fun to canoodle with a college co-ed, but you're a dad and the interests of your kids have to come first.
I could imagine a scenario where this young lad's (using lad, cuz bri'ish) schoolmates see his busty and virile, 20-year-old, stepmom and begin probing him questions about her bathing habits and attire. That's not fair to that lil' bloke. Similarly, I could see a situation where the kids' schoolwork suffers after bonding with their new stepmom over a shared love of cartoons. That's no good either.
And yet, (here comes the caveat) after watching this young woman describe a day in her life on TikTok, I can't help but feel that she's trying to be a good stepmom. What she lacks in experience, she is attempting to make up with effort. That's a good thing. So, as is often the case, the application of rules can be situationally dependent. Maybe this woman and her husband have things figured out? Let's hope that things work out for all involved (especially once the lads enter the wanking phase of their adolescence).
Moving on . . .
The Classically Abby Substack: is ending.
Well, the paid version of Abby's newsletter is ending anyway. Subscribers learned of this news in a post to the Classically Abby Substack, where the author shared the reason why she was shutting things down:
"So why am I closing my paid Substack? For a few reasons. Now that I have two children, I need to make sure I’m giving them my full attention. That means cutting back on work to make room for homemaking, cooking, playing, and teaching. And as my Substack grew, it became clear that it was encroaching on the time I needed for my family. As well, I am redirecting my focus to Classically Abby on Instagram, where I can share my thoughts on stories, reels, and posts for you all to see for free."
I'll give you a moment to collect yourselves after reading this depressing news.
I'm sharing this story tongue in cheek, obviously, but I do think what Abby did here was noble, and, in a way, I can relate to her internal struggle. I have kids. I have a family. I have responsibilities. Flappr is a hobby, not a job. I don't make money from Flappr (the site literally costs me money). I enjoy doing Flappr, but as a hobby . . . it can be a time-consuming one.
Sometimes, I feel guilty that I spend time on this project. I never do Flappr stuff when I'm in dad mode, but it does cut into time when I could be doing anything else for the benefit of my family. I rationalize my Flappr efforts by telling myself that a man does have to have passion projects' and that this site is my outlet for my creative energy. There is a truth to that but, like Abby, there can come a time when balancing competing interests becomes too much.
For me, I haven't reached that point yet.
I respect Abby for knowing when to shut down her paid Substack. She could've kept charging people and cranked out a lesser product. It takes a measure of decency to resist the urge to continue to milk an audience. Many other content creators wouldn't have been so decent. So, I respect Abby for that.
Wow. . . things just got serious for a minute. Let's get back to the fun!
According to the article, this quite lovely woman turned 39, but people 'can't get over her real age'. I mean, I don't know. . . she looks like a fit and attractive MILF in her mid-to-late thirties to me? How old do people think she looks? She doesn't look like she's in her mid-twenties. I suppose that she looks like she could be in her mid-thirties, but that's basically how old she is.
Is that mean to say? Is it a bad thing to look like the elite version of your actual age range? Look, getting old sucks. It just does. But, we all get older and if you still look as good as this woman at age 39, you've earned this massive W through hard work (and some luck from genetics). It's OK to embrace your age.
And yet, people showered her Instagram post with comments like "No way you are 39! Hell no they got your birth date wrong darling!'. I suppose that this is just how some folks exchange birthday pleasantries - by giving compliments they believe will make the recipient feel good. Which is a good thing. People should be nice to each other. There is no harm in telling someone they look younger than their age. . . so, I guess there is no real point in this whole section of the blog.
Now I'm struggling to remember why I chose to include this story . . . OH! Right!
As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think of that nearly Forty-Year-Old Fanny, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I think we all could've guessed you'd appreciate that MILFy Man Pleasing Mound, Al Pacino from Heat. My opinion? Well, we agree on this one. She's really pretty and her appropriately sized, toned tush suits my preferences. Not too big. Not too small. Proportionate to her body size. A Goldilocks booty, if there ever was one.
Editor's Note: Yes, I included this story to keep the Al Pacino from Heat bit going. Which means I wrote about 300 words just to get to this point. Looking back at that choice, I have begun to reconsider some of my life choices. But I can't help myself, I enjoy entertaining you (or trying to, anyway).
Important News!
The Iowa Caucuses: are on Monday
America's first opportunity to voice their opinion on the next president of the United States arrives this Monday. From the looks of things, the party is still firmly within the grip of Donald Trump. The polling certainly suggests that Trump is poised to conquer Iowa on his path to a third straight GOP nomination:
But who knows? The caucus system is weird, polling has never been more unreliable, and this election cycle has been . . . umm, non-traditional. Still, it's probably just going to be Trump . . . by a lot.
Nikki Haley: wants you to visit a website.
CNN held the final GOP debate before the Iowa Caucuses in Des Moines last night, though the GOP frontrunner was busy holding his town hall on Fox News.
I watched parts of the debate and thought DeSantis was the more impressive candidate. My biggest takeaway? Nikki Haley wants you to visit DeSantisLies(dot)com. Like really wants you to visit that site. She mentioned the address sixteen times. I'm not sure what she was thinking. She looked like a desperate YouTuber who stops a video every 5 minutes to remind the audience to 'like, subscribe, and smash that notification bell'.
It was very cringe. I'm not sure I understand the Nikki Haley appeal. It feels like she was a compromise made by the anti-Trump coalition and didn't get critically examined until the rest of the field thinned out.
She wouldn't be my first choice. Your preference may vary.
Not sure what I can say here without getting into trouble, but . . . this is some weird shit.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Coffee, please; Crazy People Are Dangerous and Big Trouble for Fulton County D.A.
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain shares news of Fulton County, District Attorney, Fanni Willis and her alleged lover . . . who she hired to prosecute Trump:
"Not only is this revelation about Willis and Wade’s “improper relationship” likely to cause the RICO prosecution to be abandoned, but it bids fair to get Willis driven out of office, disbarred and perhaps even sent to federal prison.
Has irony ever been more delicious?"
Not sure I'm as optimistic as Robert about how these accusations will impact the RICO case. These people don't care about impropriety. They can rationalize every bad thing they do by saying that it doesn't matter because Trump is that big of a threat to democracy.
Animal Magnetism: Animal’s Hump Day News
The one in which Animal shared with you his story of seeing Led Zepplin in concert during the 70s.
David Thompson: The Other Majority Of The Time and The Thrill Of Word-Policing
The one where David shares concerns from the Scientific American on needlessly violent and inaccurate language in the field of astronomy:
"Apparently, the word collision is, for Dr Madrid, much too brutal and masculine when referring to the unstoppable convergence of two galaxies, and the ultimate merging of the supermassive black holes at their centers – an event that will entail the sling-shotting of countless stars and their orbiting planets, and which may release energy equivalent to around 100 million supernova explosions, and subsequently be detectable halfway across the universe."
Oh, ffs.
Important Sports News!
The NFL Regular Season: is over, let's review my preseason predictions!
From the looks of it, my prognostication performance was . . . mixed. The biggest miss I had was the AFC South Division Champion, Houston Texans, finishing last - though, I don't think many would've guessed that C.J. Stroud would be so good or that the Jags would play so poorly down the stretch.
I'm taking a mulligan on the AFC East, where my choice of the Jets was heavily dependent on Aaron Rodgers not exploding his Achilles three plays into the season. I'm tempted to do the same with the Minnesota Vikings, who I believe would've won the NFC North if Kirk Cousins hadn't suffered the same fate as Rodgers in week 8.
I did correctly predict the final standings of the NFC East, including that the Cowboys would unseat the Eagles in an upset - don't think many people saw that coming when the Eagles were 10-1. Likewise, I did predict that the Niners would dominate the NFC West and still think they will win the Super Bowl, with Flappr-endorsed, All-American Boy, Brock Purdy, under center.
However, I no longer believe they will play the Chiefs. Nor do I think the Ravens' style of offense will carry them to the Super Bowl. My updated prediction is that the Bills will ride a wave of momentum to SBLVIII and lose for a 5th consecutive appearance. Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants?
Bill Belichick: fired.
I have been a Patriots admirer for the past 23 years, I rooted for Brady and Belichick to shit pump the league - mainly because my team (the Bears) has been dog shit the majority of my life. I cannot fathom what Kraft is thinking here.
Yes, the last two years haven't been pretty. Yes, his drafting has been very suspect (at least on the offensive side). Yes, the roster is in shambles. But the Patriots will not find a better person to pull them out of this quagmire than William Stephen Belichick. Bill is the best there ever was and the best there ever will be. He's the greatest COACH of all time, irrespective of sport.
This motherfucker won the Pats' SIX Super Bowls! He got them to NINE overall! They went to the AFC Championship THIRTEEN times! They won the AFC East SEVENTEEN times! He won 11 games with MATT CASSEL at QB!
I hope Bill Belichick moves on to another team, breaks Don Shula's all-time win record and finds a way to win one more Super Bowl - to quiet the retards who say it was all Brady (it wasn't) and to shove it up Robert Kraft's ass for his disloyalty.
Nick Saban: retired.
I have never been an Alabama fan, but holy shit did Nick Saban make college football fun. He's the greatest to have ever coached at the college level.
297 Wins. 7 National Championships. 11 SEC Championships. 49 players (and counting) taken in the first round of the NFL draft. He did this all in a highly competitive era of college football.
This will never be duplicated. A dynasty to end all dynasties.
This is lame and the reason why so many people were worried when McAfee announced he was moving his show to ESPN. When you go corporate, corporate politics get involved. ESPN and ABC, which airs Kimmel's terrible, unfunny, show, are both owned by Disney. Rodgers goes on McAfee and jokingly says that one of ABC's most highly paid, terrible, unfunny, hosts might be on the Epstein flight logs.
I'm guessing that Disney was probably like 'Yeah, we can't have our highly paid, terrible, unfunny, host being accused of being a sex criminal on our network'. I don't even blame them! I would've done the same thing! But Rodgers was talking shit about Kimmel, who started talking shit about Rodgers and his stance on vaccines. Kimmel could've been a man about it, but I'm guessing he went crying to the bosses at Disney.
Corporate synergy is the death of comedy. Very lame.
Jake Browning: has a very supportive girlfriend.
You might be asking yourself, why am I looking at the girlfriend for the backup Quarterback of the Bengals, what is she wearing, what is the deal here?
Well, I'm glad you asked. That folks, is Stephanie Niles, she's wearing what appears to be a custom-made performance spandex ski suit, Stephanie is a supportive significant other (an "SSO") and this is very moving imagery. It's not often you see a significant other be so supportive, but Jake is a very lucky man. Fellas, if your girlfriend is willing to seek out a fabricator to custom tailor her a bodysuit with your jersey number and wears it publicly to show her support of you . . . that's a woman you should marry.
Take note, young Mr. Browning.
Interestingly enough, with Stephanie bouncing around in a skybox, Jake had one of his better games of the year on the field, throwing three touchdowns and leading the Bengals to victory. Should, Joe Burrow, whose girlfriend has not dressed herself in a customized "Burrow" body suit, be worried? Time will tell.
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: Kelly Stafford Calls Bullshit on the Proposed Ban of Her Husband's Jersey at Ford Field Sunday
Listen to this woman, Kelly Stafford is a true OG, ride or die, NFL SSO. She's been on the "oh, his wife/girlfriend is hot' scene since Stafford's days in Georgia. She survived cancer. She's a MILF. She is not happy that Lions fans are dumping on her husband. I don't blame her! Stafford did a lot for Detroit! He deserves better!
I'm rooting for the Lions to make a run in the playoffs. Lions fans have, somehow, had it worse than Bears fans throughout my life. They deserve a little playoff success, you know? I want them to beat Matthew Stafford and the Rams on Sunday. But a fan proposal to ban people from wearing his jersey to the stadium? That's pretty gay and has me reconsidering my position.
Matthew Stafford is the second-best player in Lions history (Barry Sanders being No. 1). Stafford was the best thing about a whole litany of shitty Lions teams during his 12 years in Detroit. He took a fucking beating and still played through injury for your sorry-ass franchise. He holds every meaningful Lions franchise passing record. He has 30,000 more passing yards than Bobby Layne, the only other good QB in Lions history.
Yes, he was traded and won a Super Bowl with the Rams. Yes, this is his return to Detroit and yes, this is a playoff game. He still deserves a pre-game moment of appreciation. Then the game starts, you hope he comes down with a bad case of diarrhea and that you kick the shit out of the Rams. Stop being such little pussies, Lions fans, you're better than that.
And be nice to Kelly, she's cute and I like her.
Would you look at that? Taylor Fritz, who plays tennis I guess, has a girlfriend who has flown all over the world for him! In all honesty, that much travel has to be a drag sometimes. You're never taking a home-field dump in your toilet (not that women perform such bodily functions).
You know what we call that sort of dedication? Yep, it's called being an SSO. Morgan is an SSO. Kudos to you, Morgan. Very moving stuff.
See how we did that? Make SSOs a theme of this blog? What an accomplishment.
BSO: didn't blog about this Mikayla Demaiter video and I've put them on suspension this week
Black Sports Online has written approximately 71 blogs about "Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter" and this week, we see her strap on her pads and BSO is silent. Seriously, what the fuck, gentlemen? This is the journalism I look to BSO to cover!
I've criticized BSO in the past for referring to Mikayla as "Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter" as a marketing gimmick since she hasn't played hockey in several years. And here she is, wearing her goalie pads on the ice, with her Nurturing Netkeeping Nukes on full display, making me look like a fool! This was gift-wrapped for you, BSO! You fumbled the bag here!
Unfortunately, I have no choice but to suspend "This is a Literal BSO Headline" for one week. This is the only way we can ensure this doesn't happen again.
Very Important Meme of the Week
Again, not sure what I can say here to avoid getting in trouble . . . but that tunnel footage was as shit and this meme from @Richard_Harambe is pretty damn funny.
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