We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news! We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Paige Spiranac: says her boobs fluctuate in size depending on her weight gain and lady cycle; loves showing the off.
I'll be honest, in a normal week I might not have selected this clip for the blog. But the headlines this week were total basura (that's "garbage" for my friends out there who don't speak Español).
So here we are, enjoying a little anatomy lesson from Paige Spiranac.
Not the worst place to be, all things considered.
It would appear that Tiffany (or someone acting on Tiffany's behalf) called TMZ and told them she was going to the airport. She wore the same outfit from her viral clip and gave an extremely bland interview where she refused to share the only information that might care about.
You know, I like TMFINR lady as much as anyone - but this feels like a particularly desperate attention to extend her fifteen minutes of fame. She doesn't even seem completely comfortable with this arrangement. I hope there's not an OnlyFans in the offing.
Also, yes, the topics this week were so shitty that I had to read Dextero.
Carla Gugino: turned 51.
You may not instantly recognize the name Carla Gugino, but you should recognize her face. Gugino's pretty damn impressive career includes Watchmen, Entourage, Night at the Museum, American Gangster and many more big and small parts over the course of the past 25 years.
If you don't recognize her face, you'll very likely recognize her. . . ummm upper torso from her scene stealing role in the film Sin City.
Yes, THAAAT Carla Gugino.
Carla feels like she's part of the last generation of actors that became successful before social media. Actors that were good, took acting seriously and actually cared about their craft.
I don't know why, but I've always had soft spot for her. Anyways, she's 51 now.
Why did the NY Post choose a woman's pain riddled rectum for the cover art on this story? I think we all know who's responsible for the rise of aching anuses across America. . . and it ain't sexy soccer moms wearing form fitting Levi's.
In fact, if you have any family who work in emergency medicine - ask them if they've ever had someone come to the ER with something stuck in their asshole.
I bet they have.
Then, while insisting they comply with all HIPPA laws, ask them if there was a common characteristic shared amongst these sphincter spelunkers.
It's gay dudes. Gay dudes shove things their butts.
Big Boobs: are the true universal language.
"Tette Gigante Bellissima" *chef's kiss*
I don't speak a lick of Italian, but I know exactly what this Big Boobbied Bellissima was talking about.
The Mirror: Woman proves bikini snaps aren't always 'perfect' by showing how she looks '99% of time'
A good reminder that Instagram is not reality and of the importance of good posture. I actually kind of respect that this woman, Molly Ava, was willing to pull back the curtain and just be a normal human being on social media.
Molly is doing a public service by letting people know that a lot of the perfect bodies you see online are what people look like under peak conditions. Not that there is anything wrong with that - who wants to post photos of themselves looking like shit?
Still, this was good a dose of reality for everyone.
Alternate headline: Third Wave Feminism and its Consequences.
No Context, Beautiful Woman Wearing Sundress:
There has been a morning chill in the air around these parts. . . it's becoming clear that Sundress Season is coming to a close and the existential dread of seven months without sundresses will soon be upon us.
Say a prayer. For all of us.
It wouldn't be a weekly episode of T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) if a Rupert Murdoch owned media outlet hadn't published a story about a woman who's proud that she stopped shaving her pits n' bits.
In fact, between The NY Post and The Sun, this is the TWELVETH straight week they've published a story promoting a hairy women agenda.
Let's see what fur-goblin the Murdoch Media empire is pushing this week. . .
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I was not prepared for that. . . fuck. fuck. fuck.
Other Important News
The Maine Wire: Flappr’s Docu Series on the Chinese Revolution is Perfecting Counterprogramming for the Brainless Communist in Your Life
It was insanely cool to see that Steve Robinson (the former and best ever producer of the Kirk Minihane Show) has watched our series on The Chinese Revolution and enjoyed them so much that he was willing to share them with his audience.
We spent months making those videos, we love them and it's nice when someone gives a shit about the work we've done.
Big thanks to Mr. Robinson (who you should follow on Twitter) and The Maine Wire (whose e-mail list you should go subscribe to)!
From Professor Jimbo's Blog 'On the Comically Stupid C*nt Teacher Who Thought the Gadsden Flag Was Linked to Slavery':
"This so-called educator is imposing her own vile tyranny for no better reason besides her own egregious stupidity. I'd say this teacher should be ashamed of herself, but by now it should be clear to everyone that these people have no souls and feel no shame.
Jesus, what a comically stupid cunt."
Go read the whole thing.
Hurricane Idalia: did some damage.
Dude in this video seems like kind of a mad lad.
Say a prayer for the people in the Southeast who were affected by Idalia. I know they're used to hurricane season, but it seems like it sucks and will always suck.
Prigozhin: not dead?
We can't even get a wholesome story about a brutal autocratic dictator assassinating a disobedient chef turned warlord anymore without it turning out to be a weird hoax or something.
Why is everything so fake and gay these days?
National Review: Justice Thomas 2022 Financial-Disclosure Form Clears Up Past Errors, Undermines Corruption Allegations
Well, that's the end of that! Can't see Sheldon Whitehouse and the other Dems on the judiciary committee continue their efforts to ruin Justice Thomas and undermine confidence in the court.
*phew* Glad that's over.
Charles C.W. Cooke / National Review: KJP’s Description of Joe Biden Is Preposterous and Disrespectful
The one in which Charles C.W. Cooke watched the clip from the tweet above and, justifiably, concluded that Karine Jean-Pierre laid it on waaaay too thick.
From the piece:
"She knows what she’s saying isn’t true. And she knows that everyone knows that what she’s saying isn’t true. 77 percent of Americans — including 69 percent of Democrats — believe that Joe Biden is “too old to be effective for four more years.”
Mr. Cooke is, of course, correct. Running 82-year-old Joe Biden reflects very poorly on the state of our country. Then again, so did running 78-year-old Joe Biden (who, even then, was clearly impaired) back in 2020. . . but that didn't stop anybody.
The Blaze: Biden admin cancels another $72 million in federal student loan debt for 'misled' borrowers
If you can't convince them that you're not an 82-year-old, cognitively impaired, kid sniffer - then just give them free shit. You have to admit, it's a pretty wise strategy.
Andrew Stiles / The Washington Free Beacon: Letter from Fulton County Jail
The one where Andrew Stiles cleverly writes a satirical letter from Donald Trump in the spirit of Martin Luther King, Jr.
Tucker Carlson: says media covered up Barack Obama having "sex with men" and smoking crack; is probably correct.
It's pretty indisputable that the media did, in fact, ignore Larry Sinclair's allegations about doing drugs with and performing oral sex on then state legislator, Barack Obama, back in 1999.
The allegations were definitely incendiary and unproven - but so were the claims made against Brett Kavanaugh and the media had no problem running with those.
Just another sobering reminder that the corporate media is the enemy of the people (and that there is a non-insignificant amount of information out there that suggests Barack Obama is at least bi-sexual).
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Vengeance Bikinis; Best Mug Shot Ever and Crazy Coaches Are Dangerous
The one in which Robert Stacy McCain tries to decipher why the Patriots cut Bailey Zappe and currently only have one quarterback on their roster.
From the article: "Bill Belichick is to football coaching what Oppenheimer was to nuclear weapons."
A rare time an author can actually make me LOL.
Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily Backup Plan News
The one in which Animal analyzes the recent spate of media interest in Biden succession planning and is unimpressed by his prospective replacements.
Thompson, blog: Not that Kind of Diversity and Why Don’t You Welcome Further Degradation?
The one in which David Thompson examines the media's defense of failed progressive policies as they relate to shoplifting and looting.
From the article:
"The general idea, presumably, is that the rest of us, the law-abiding, should resign ourselves to ever more inconvenience and social degradation, and being increasingly alienated from our own neighbourhoods, because punishing habitual criminals, even those armed with machetes, is terribly unfashionable."
Yeah. . . that sounds about right (even if his British spelling of 'neighbourhoods' makes me slightly nauseous).
Make sure to go give David a follow on Twitter and make his blog a part of your weekly reading list.
Important News, BUT Sports
Justin Fields: has a girlfriend?
According to Black Sports Online, Justin Fields has a girlfriend, her name is Gianna Carmona and she was in attendance at the Bears final preseason game against the Buffalo Bills.
While concerns over Fields' accuracy throwing the football remain, his accuracy with choosing sexual partners appears unimpeachable.
The Jets: did a Sopranos intro on Hard Knocks.
I know people are jizzing themselves over this intro and I get it. . . the Jets play in Jersey and the Sopranos was set in Jersey - but this video it's cringe as fuck.
The Jets stink as a franchise. Robert Saleh is 11-23 in two seasons as head coach of the Jets. In no way is Robert Saleh a Tony Soprano like mob boss. The only way you earn an intro like this is by winning a Super Bowl.
Andy Reid could have an intro like this one. Bill Belichick could have an intro like this one. Robert Saleh? No.
Connor Bedard: is going to be so so so good.
I am definitely in Football mode, but I saw this video yesterday and it's fucking crazy. As someone who played hockey for 35 years, watching Bedard move so seamlessly (ON HOCKEY SKATES, ON THE ICE) is very humbling.
This kid is only 18 years old and he's going to be so much fun to watch.
Barstool Sports / Jerry Thornton: Peter King Says Belichick Hasn't Spoken to Him Since Spygate in 2007
Bill Belichick is the GOAT of coaching, but he also might be the GOAT of treating the media with the disdain they deserve.
I've never understood why Peter King attained the status of "dean of NFL writers". King's writing is bland and uninteresting and his analysis is often just fucking stupid and wrong.
I hope the next time Bill Belichick sees that doughy Libtard he pokes him in his fat belly to see if he will giggle.
The "Does Jordan Love Sucks-O-Meter":
Did Jordan Love suck this week?
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, no, he did not suck. But it's just preseason, so I am not sounding the alarm just yet!
Actually, that's a lie I am nearly certain that the Packers are going to absolutely shit-pump the Bears on opening day. The alarm has been sounded. Full sounded.
This is just my fate. I've come to accept that I'll never see the Bears consistently beat the Packers in my lifetime. Seppuku is the only honorable choice.
Jimmy Garoppolo: flew an F-16; is too sexy to be good at QB.
This dude may not win many games for the Raiders this year, but he is going to soak so many panties in Las Vegas. Jimmy G is the real Hurricane Idalia, flooding the basements of an untold number of female victims.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: Lololol yup, that's massive cleavage in a tiny black top. Yes, this is a very literal BSO headline!
Your Weekly "The Paige Spiranac Of": Emily Harrigan — the Paige Spiranac of the Pitch
As I've mentioned before, the phrase "The Paige Spiranac of <blank>" gets thrown around a lot these days and that label is almost always applied inappropriately and to unworthy candidates.
I consider myself a true "The Paige Spiranac of <blank>" expert, so I will now review and rate the accuracy of this claim.
The Paige Spiranac of <blank> Accuracy Rating: Just a week after I eased off my criticism of Outkick for being too loose with their "Paige Spiranac of" standards . . . they completely embarrass themselves. They embarrassed me too - I should've known better!
Listen, Ms. Harrigan is very, very attractive and I'm sure she's great at soccer, but she's not on the "Paige Spiranac of" level. That's NOT an insult - she's a perfectly fine Emily Harrigan!
The real villain here is not me, it's Outkick and its non-existent standards for anointing someone "the Paige Spiranac of"!
We love you, Emily. Good luck on your forthcoming soccer season.
Very Important Meme of the Week
Our meme of the week this week was a no-brainer. Not necessarily for the meme itself, but for flurry of replies that came AFTER Kathy Griffin quote tweeted @SirajAHashmi and called him an anti-LGBTQ, misogynist, monster.
Behold:
Basically, all of Siraj's loyal Habibi followers jumped into Kathy Griffin's replies and, instead of defending him, trolled Siraj by pointing out that he can't be anti-LGBTQ because Siraj is a homosexual who is "gayer than AIDS".
In reality, Siraj is married to a beautiful woman and only pretends to be gay for Twitter humor and engagement ( . . . I think).
This continued dogpiling went so next level that someone actually appended a community note to Griffin's tweet, suggesting that Siraj's homosexuality was important context:
This day long saga was truly inspirational. A true testament to the power of extremely esoteric inside jokes among Twitter mutuals and for how much people love Siraj (and making fun of Siraj).
10/10, we should all be so lucky to build a following of fans that will savage you mercilessly instead of defending you against accusations of being a bigot.
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