Editor's Note: Our ongoing series, The Flappr Rules of Etiquette, is designed to be an informative guide to help you learn ways to stop behaving like a total unmitigated asshole all the time. If you would like to submit your own rule of etiquette, shoot us a DM on Twitter! This edition of The Flappr Rules of Etiquette focuses on what times are socially acceptable to schedule work meetings.
I live in the Mighty Midwest, home to corn, soybeans, dunes, the Great Lakes, deep dish pizza, Steak 'n Shake and, unfortunately, Wisconsin.
Most of the Midwest resides in the Central Time. This means we get to watch sports or shows at a normal time, instead of having to watch too early (Pacific Time) or too late (Eastern Time). This is a very good thing, most of the time, anyways.
Living in Central Time does, however, come with downside. Namely, people on both coasts take advantage of the time difference when schedule meetings with you.
For example: on Monday evening at 8 p.m., I received a calendar invite for a meeting at 8 a.m. Tuesday morning. Then I realized that the meeting was scheduled in Eastern Time, meaning this meeting, which I could not realistically decline, would take place for me at 7 a.m.
Do you know what I'm typically doing at 7 am? Sometimes sleeping, but most times trying get my kids fed, cleaned, clothed and off to school.
Do you know what I'm not ready to do at 7 am? Talk to you about literally anything, let alone anything important.
Yet, East Coasters routinely schedule these early meetings without any due respect for the fact that:
1) My first Monster Energy Drink of the day has barely started to take effect;
2) I have a house full of screaming children;
3) My dog begging me to take him for a walk so he can take a dump; and
4) I'm silently contemplating drowning myself in the toilet.
Listen, East Coast people, just fucking chill with these insanely early meetings. Give me a breather, let me take my morning constitutional and respond to a few e-mails first. You know, let me get into the flow of the day.
If you slide that meeting back to 9 am and I'll hate you much less when we talk, I promise.
This dynamic applies to West Coast people too.
Yes, West Coast people, my calendar says I am free at 6:30 pm. No, West Coast people, I do not want to meet with you instead of going home for the day.
These folks have zero fucking respect for the fact that I probably just got off back-to-back-back calls, my eyeballs hurt and I'm about to suffer a psychotic episode from the other assholes who've already ruined my day.
I get that you're on Pacific Time and it's only 4:30 pm, but it's 6:30 pm here and I can barely fucking function.
So just fucking chill, West Coast people. If you slide that meeting back to 10:00 a.m. tomorrow I'll hate you much less when we talk, I promise.
Foreigners working on Foreign People Time? Don't get me started on those meetings . . . those people can fuck right off.
Anyways, Happy Tuesday and God Bless America.