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Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 12.22.23

TITS Christmas
Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!

We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!


We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!

 

Very Important News!


Christmas: is on Monday.

This is the last edition of T.I.T.S. before Christmas, so I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for making Flappr a part of your lives. Whether it's this insanely stupid blog or our slightly less insane, slightly more serious, documentaries - you, my dear Flappr community member, have embraced us in a way I never really thought was possible.


It means a lot to me and everyone who volunteers their time for this silly little outfit. I hope you spend this Christmas with people you care about. I hope you open your heart and allow yourself to be optimistic, cheerful and empathetic to those around you. I hope you get as much satisfaction out of the gifts you give as you do the ones you receive. I hope that you stand athwart a very dark world and choose grace instead of cynicism. I ask that you embrace these values because your support for Flappr has instilled the very same in those who run the site and make the videos. I love you and I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas.


More Christmas: Paige Spiranac is Mrs. Claus?

Ok, enough sappy shit - back to what you came for . . . Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects. And I can think of no topical subject that is more tremendous and/or intriguing than Paige Spiranac posting GOAT-Tier photos of herself dressed as Mrs. Claus on Instagram. I mean, holy shit, right?


I think we're all extremely lucky that the actual Mrs. Claus (who is absolutely a real person) doesn't look like Paige, because if she did, then Santa would never get around to delivering that new Flappr Milk Truk shirt you've been asking for.


No, if Mrs. Claus looked like Paige, I'm pretty sure Santa would spend his days indulging in a different kind of milk and cookies. He'd be jingling a different kind of sleigh bells. He'd be too busy trying to shove himself down an alternative type of chimney. He wouldn't be kissing your mom, because she'd be way less attractive than what was already sliding down his north pole.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that Paige has incredible holly jolly jaw droppers and it's a wonderful thing for you, me and the world.


Wait, what? Holy shit, we really dodged a bullet here. Who knows what type of butterfly effect would have occurred if Sydney Sweeney had desecrated those pendulous pleasure pontoons? If Sydney went from EE to B, she may never have been noticed by Hollywood agents, never experienced a meteoric rise to fame, never captured the imagination of nation, which would've caused millions of men to lose hope in humanity and ignited WW3! (just go with it).


Lisa Sweeney, who is ample bosom'd herself, is a literal fucking hero and deserves to be treated as such. . . which is why I made this video.



Folks, , , yes, Lisa Sweeney, a beautiful MILF and mother to an A-List actress with big natural shoulder boulders, saved humanity from nuclear annihilation. You may not like this truth. You may not be able to handle this truth. But it's fairly, certainly, probably the likely outcome of events had Lisa Sweeney not intervened and advised her daughter against a breast reduction, saving us all from damnation.


Thank you, Lisa Sweeney. Thank you very much.


Yes, we're doubling up on Sydney today, because it's Christmas and why the hell not? And yes, the story itself is basically the same as the New York Post story above . . . but I wanted to focus your attention to one quote from Ms. Sweeney:


Flaunt what you got. Own it. Love them. . . . They’re my best friends. Everybody’s body is beautiful. When you are confident and you’re happy within is when it really shows to other people.

Is it dusty in here, or is it just me? I mean, I'm not crying, I'm just a little bit emotional, you know, over Sydney's beautiful paean to her pendulous pleasure pontoons. Did you read what she said? 'They're my breast friends' (misquoted for comedic purposes). That's so fucking wholesome. This is what we're fighting for, folks, , , for sexy, naturally endowed women, to feel good about themselves!


Make no mistake - boobs, especially the big milky kind, are under attack. Our way of life is under attack and Sydney's untainted umlauts are standing (nicely nestled on her chest) athwart history and saying "no, these are beautiful beacons of hope and I will not the communist ass enthusiasts win the day".


We are winning. We will win. All is well. Merry Christmas, Sydney Sweeney.


Editor's Note The Daily Caller published this article. The Daily Caller, not Flappr.net. Remember that the next time you're ready to pull the trigger on a tweet that slanderously refers to Flappr as a "sm*t blog", you animals.




FOLKS, , , I'm going to take this opportunity to explain to you your role when attending your husband/wife's Christmas work party. Spoiler alert: it ain't about you. No, your job is to go to the party and be the best partner you can be, to make your significant other look good and to avoid, at all costs, embarrassing them in front of their boss and co-workers.


So, no, don't wear that "inappropriate sweater" to your husband's holiday work party. I don't care if you think his co-workers know your "s****y personality" and if you think they'll get a big kick out of your 'feel my tiddy' sweater'. You're not being silly; you're being cringe and now his entire office will think his wife is: a) a total retard; b) a slut looking to cuckold him; or c) some combination of both.


Instead, wear something that makes you look very pretty, but not like a trollop. A dress or something that lets people know your husband must be a good dude because he was able to score a hot chick like you. Tell his boss that your husband speaks fondly about him when he comes home from work (even though this is almost undoubtedly a lie).


And fellas, , , if you're invited to your wife's work party, don't drink too much, don't get political, don't talk about your wife like she's some irascible nag (though, this may be true). Be her champion, talk her up, let people know how lucky you are.

You're not there for you. You're not even there to have fun. You're there to be a multiplier for your spouse. That's your job. Nothing else.


Moving on . . .




Yo, what the fuck? I already said 'moving on . . .' why is there another story about a wife purposefully embarrassing her husband at his office Christmas party?


What is going on with these women? Ladies, , , you're not ALWAYS the main character for a given situation. Go read what I wrote above.


Even more galling is that this (attractive) narcissistic wife seems to think her only questionable behavior (which she clearly thinks was funny but was actually lame) is that she whipped out some faux awkward dance moves at the party.


No, that dress exposes too much tiddy dress for an office Christmas party, especially if you're the companion of the invited guest. Office Christmas party cleavage should be pretty limited, in my opinion. This is not the time to wear a dress with a plunging neckline - you shouldn't be able to see the inner cleavage at an office Christmas party. Her husband's co-workers definitely judged him for his wife's choice of attire that night (sad, but true).


I would say that her dress is more suited for 'Christmas Season Girls Night Out' where a group of friends meet at a bar for holiday cocktails, one of them drinks too much and then makes a regrettable decision (has unprotected extra marital sex) with a bus boy (sad, but true, not for me, though).


Moving on . . . (for real this time).



Good grief, you too, Lifetime Christmas Movie? Can't anything not involve sex these days? You know who watches these movies, right? Mature women. Usually VERY mature women (in their 70s). Do we really need grandma gawking at shirtless Christmas Cowboys, all horned up by their perfectly defined cum gutters (look it up)? If this trend continues, Christmas productivity rates will plummet.


What's that, Junior? You're sad that we don't have those almond cookies with the powder sugar on them? The kind that we only get during Christmas? Well, sorry son, Grandma was preoccupied by the movie where the sexy Cowboy movie spends half the movie pounding co-eds in the barn. Maybe next year!


This is troubling. I like my Lifetime movies starring John Stamos or Mario Lopez or a woman in a wheelchair! The plots are supposed to involve some type of contrived plot device that teaches the main character the true meaning of Christmas! Like, oh, I was selfish, but then I saw this homeless guy give his blanket to his homeless dog and now I need to find a way back to my girlfriend and propose in front of her entire family to prove I learned my lesson! If that isn't already a plot of Lifetime Christmas movie, it should be.


Leave Lifetime Christmas movies as they were, tacky and lame!




I don't get this one, folks, , , is there a contingent of men (or women) out there who fantasize about fucking the Grinch? I mean, Donna Lou Who? Sure, who (pun) hasn't imagined being the masculine savior for that working-class-sexy, single mother of three?


But the GRINCH? It's a fucking green, hairy goblin creature that eats weird shit and doesn't appear to put much stock in personal hygiene. It probably smells like Kathy Griffin. I'm not sure why this porn star would go through this much trouble to sexualize the Grinch. Feels like wasted effort for 99.9% of the population (the 0.01% being degenerates named Kevin).


(*sigh*) As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think about those gargantuan grinchy glutes, Al Pacino from Heat?


great ass al pacino

You're a real sick fuck, Al Pacino from Heat, you know that, right?

 

Important News!


Professor Jimbo: released a new video!



A few weeks after releasing the Chinese Revolution video, the most I could get the Professor to commit to moving forward was that he'd take a nice, long, hiatus and we'd re-evaluate in 2024. And that remained our plan until . . . a former student of his released a book Democracy or Republic?: The People and the Constitution.


Upon reading Jay Cost's fifth published work (which you should go buy), The Professor sent me a faxed note to let me know that he would be preparing a formal review of his former pupil's work and that it would be, in his words, "a scathing takedown of this little dweeb".


When I contacted Mr. Cost to inform him of Professor O'Flannery's forth coming critique, he responded with the following: "What? Who? Ohhhh f*ck." and "That miserable old sob?! I'd have guessed he was dead by now!" (an actual quote).


We hope you enjoy and encourage you to BUY Democracy or Republic?: The People and the Constitution.  I've purchased it myself. It's a pleasurable read with important lessons and a sobering message.


The Colorado Supreme Court: kicked Trump off its ballot.


Fuck. We're really doing this shit? They're not tired of escalation yet? It would appear that they are not. I believe that this will eventually (and rightfully) be overturned by the Supreme Court - and maybe that's the point? Send a clearly partisan and erroneously decided case to SCOTUS, make them overturn it and further delegitimize the court in the minds of libtards?


Who knows, but this shit is getting tiresome . . . and dangerous.


Gay Butt Sex: happened in the Senate Chambers.


Not much to say here and NOOOOPE, I'm not sharing any images or videos.


This story was dropped last Friday by the Daily Caller and this is one time where I'm glad (oh so glad) that a story is already stale by the next time I publish TITS.



Releasing the list, after all this time, feels like a move that is made for a specific purpose - it's probably been sanitized, or it was never as relevant as we made it out to be. I've read that most of the names are already publicly known? I guess three names will remain redacted? I'm sure that won't lead people to theorize who those three people might be!


I don't know, I'm glad that the list is being released, but I've seen these type of 'big reveals' happen before and they're usually fairly underwhelming.


Charles C.W. Cooke | National Review: Joe Biden’s Poll Numbers Are Not ‘Unacceptably Low’

The one where Charles Cooke dissects WaPo's latest attempt to explain to people why they should, actually, like Joe Biden, instead of hating him:


Look at the Post‘s language: “frustrated,” “unacceptably low,” “upset that they are not making more progress.” Clearly, President Biden thinks that he should be more popular than he is — and so, evidently, does the press, which has taken in some quarters to the most preposterous conspiracy theorizing. Week in, week out, this topic is covered as if the public is failing the president, rather than the other way around. He’s a good leader, we’re informed, but, for some reason, the public just hasn’t noticed it.

Yeah, that's about right. There is nothing better than when libtard journos try and tell people their wrong about the things they clearly see with their own two eyes.



The one in which Robert Stacey McCain shares his thoughts on the senate butt sex video and it was a very, very, funny read:

Look, I can’t say that everybody who worked on Joe Biden’s campaign habitually engages in what used to be known as “crimes against nature,” but on the other hand, I can’t rule it out. They’re just bad people. The activity that was recorded on video is a metaphor for what they’re doing to America, and they expect us to enjoy it.

I never heard gay butt sex called 'crimes against nature' before, butt (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes) that is a pretty funny way to describe the act.


Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily Lardass News

The one in which Animal shares this pearl of wisdom:

Being a big fatass is not healthy.

True fact! Animal then goes on to share news of how four “social media influencers” claimed that "it is, in fact, healthy to be a gigantic land-whale. The problem is that they all died. Before they turned 45." The body positivity movement might be more unethical than the tobacco companies got doctors to testify that smoking didn't cause cancer. Seriously, think about it.


David Thompson: G-String Blues


The one in which David shares with you a video of, well . . . I'll let him describe it:



I wasn't going to share this video, but David made me see it and tis' this season of giving, so . . . enjoy.


Seriously, David, what the fuck?


 

Important Sports News!


TNF: Rams pound Saints; might be dangerous?



The Rams beat the Saints 30-22 last night, but the game was never really close. The Saints are a very, very, mediocre team and they're a painful team to watch. Derek Carr is kind of a bummer to watch these days and yet, somehow, they're 7-8 and still have a chance to win the NFC South. For entertainment purposes, let's hope the Bucs win that division and we get a chance to watch Baker sling the rock into triple coverage (and lose) in the playoffs.


The Rams are the polar opposite. Despite having a roster of guys few have ever heard of before . . . they're kind of good and fun to watch. Matthew Stafford still has an electric arm and attempts throws that few in the NFL ever could. They have a dude named Puka Nacua, which is just a fun name to say. Try it with me. Poo-kuh Na-coo-uh. Fun, right? He's also really good. And yet, somehow, they're only 8-7 and could miss the playoffs.


For entertainment purposes, let's hope the Rams find their way into the playoffs and we get a chance to watch Matthew Stafford return to Detroit for the Lions first home playoff game since 1991. That would be fucking lit.


The Bears: found a new way to break my heart.



Somehow, this photo depicts the moment before the Bears officially LOSE a game, instead of the moment before the Bears officially WIN a game.


The photo above is 10000x more upsetting to me than whatever happened in the Senate chamber between those two homosexual men.


Just know that your snide comments cannot hurt me. My three decades of Bears fandom has been crueller than you could ever be. I am numb.


Rashard Mendenhall: wants to play blacks vs. whites in the Pro Bowl.


Sure, an All-Black team vs an All-White team sounds extremely regressive and dumb, BUT it would make the Pro Bowl a LOT more interesting.


Given the current state of our nation (which seems to find new ways to tear itself apart on a weekly basis), I would venture that the Race Bowl (my trademark, call me, Commissioner Goodell) would probably be the most watched sporting event in World history. Or at least top 5, right? I know I would watch.


I think Team White might actually stand a chance? I mean they'd have to have Cooper Kupp and Christian McCaffery play both offense and defensive back, but Whites head coach Bill Belichick will have some tricks up his sleeves for those vexatious Blacks! And if we get Patrick Mahomes (white mom), then I think we might be able to put up some numbers?!


Plus, Team Black doesn't have a kicker! We have like 32 of them! Good luck trying to line up for a game winning 52 yard, field goal with Kadarius Toney kicking the rock! Dude can't catch, let alone kick, you dummies! Then again, that probably won't matter if Justin Jefferson, Ja'Marr Chase, Tyreek Hill (if he can find baby sitters) and the loaded Black receiving core scores on 80 yard touchdowns all day.




If you recall what I previously shared with you in my BIG TDs Football Blog: Quarter Season Review, Tyreek Hill's teammate, Xavien Howard, allegedly, impregnated FOUR women at the same time earlier this year. At this rate, the Miami Dolphins might be America's only hope to rectify its failing birth rate. The Dolphins 53 man roster has already, as a unit, passed by Japan's terrifying low replacement rate.


For Tyreek, this is a particularly wild time. He literally just got married. It feels like these paternity suits were well timed to humiliate him. Not that he shouldn't take responsibility for his kids, but it does seem like a cold legal strategy to maneuver.


Moreover, his new wife is the sister of former Saints Safety, Kenny Vaccaro. That dude used to fuck dudes up. How do you think he feels about all this? Not sure I'd want to explain to him why I got two other women pregnant while planning to marry his sister. Oh well . . . I hope this doesn't effect his play on Team Blacks.


Merry Christmas, Tyreek Hill, Mrs. Hill, and Tyreek's (alleged) seven children.



Karin Hart is undeniably gorgeous, but has she attained 'Paige Spiranac Rival' status? Folks , , , it's the season of giving, so I refuse to tear anyone down.


Yes, sure, she's Paige Spiranac's Rival. Also, I think I did say Karin Hart is worthy of Paige Spiranac 'Rival Status' in a pervious blog and I'm not ready to pull the trigger on rescinding such a title.


Merry Christmas, Karin Hart.




She did WHAT?! SEVEN?! At the same time? Well according to the article. . .

Asked for details about the wild romp, she told the No Jumper podcast: "My birthday is memorial day weekend, on my birthday, I seen them all at Drai's, like this one team. And I don't know, I was getting f***ed in a hotel room and they all showed up and I sucked their d***s."

Uhhhhh . . . that's REAL gross. That's girl with a neck with a neck tattoo level gross. Ugh. I feel bad for her father. I hope he doesn't listen to the 'No Jumper' podcast. He would be so so so disappointed.


She does have big boobs, though, so . . . NO NO NO, stop that brain! She's still very very bad for all blowing seven dudes in one evening stuff. GROSS!



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):



BSO Headline Literalness Rating: I'll be honest, I don't see much cleavage here from Ms. Taylor. I don't really think she's 'showing off cleavage' as the headline would suggest. She's also not really 'going wild' either.


Oh well, who cares, let's just call it a very literal BSO headline and get on to the holidays, shall we?


I will say, though, that Joy Taylor is very pretty, but I genuinely have never seen her on TV. That's probably partly because she's on FS1 (which nobody really watches) and partly because I'd rather watch a random sports YouTuber than anything on ESPN or FS1. That's the state of media today, folks.


Joy is really pretty, though, and I appreciate that she didn't go too suggestive with her holiday video. It is, perhaps, a tad on the masculine side for my taste (the cigar especially), but there is something irresistibly attractive about a woman wearing suspenders. Alas, I've already shared too much.


Merry Christmas, Joy Taylor.


Merry Christmas, other dudes who dig chicks in suspenders.

 

Very Important Meme of the Week

MEME OF THE WEEK!

This week's winner is none other than the man, the myth, the legend, Doctor Cock n' Balls, The Man with the Golden Dick, @Richard_Haramabe. This meme deservedly savages Boston Mayor Michelle Wu for her clearly racist "Coloreds Only" Christmas party. Which, you know, is actually another thing you should not do at your spouse's office Christmas party - only invite one race of people. That's a call back to the jokes made above, you'd know that if you did the reading.


Merry Christmas, Richard Harambe.


Merry Christmas to you all and God bless America!

 

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4 Comments


Merry Christmas to you and yours, Flappr!


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Guest
Dec 22, 2023

Insightful and funny as always. Keep up the good work. Merry Christmas!

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PizzaCzar
PizzaCzar
Dec 22, 2023

Merry Christmas Flappr. Thanks for the break in a crazy world.

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Guest
Dec 22, 2023

Merry Christmas to all our internet friends at Flappr!

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