The 2025 President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee
- bartleby
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 7 hours ago
The IBTC President
Past IBTC Presidents: Megyn Kelly (2024), Anna Paulina Luna (2023), Tulsi Gabbard (2022)
An IBTC President is not defined not by volume, but by mentality - hard-edged, unapologetic, and worn without concession. IBTs are no consolation prize or aesthetic compromise; they are miniature mission statements.
The IBTC Presidency is where confidence outruns cup size, where presence matters more than padding, and where women with Pygmy Pokies refuse to be sidelined prove that power requires conviction.
2025 IBTC President: Sophie Cunningham
The choice for this year's IBTC President was an easy one. No woman better represented Petite Patriot Pokies than this Maverick Missourian with Modest Mirabelles. Sophie Cunningham was the lo-key right-wing (?) face of small-breasted women in 2025 - strong, fearless, toned, gorgeous, confident, and defiant.
Her championship run started during the WNBA season when she came to the defense of her similarly small-chested teammate, Caitlin Clark, throwing herself into a fist-flying fracas against what I suspect were giant, breast-hating lesbians. That act of bravery, all posture and without apology, launched Cunningham from role player to recurring viral presence almost overnight.
But Cunningham was just getting started.
In the summer of 2025, throwing green dildos onto WNBA courts became a fashion. Cunningham herself was clipped by a plastic phallus during a game in LA, and rather than melt down, she laughed it off, joking that fans might want to resist launching long latex love logs, lest they injure one of the players. That kind of humility is rare and desperately needed, in sports and in the country writ large. If the WNBA hopes to extend its moment of cultural relevance, it would be wise to cultivate cute, charismatic, competitive, conservative-leaning court dwellers like Ms. Cunningham (rather than giant, breast-hating lesbians).
Sadly, Cunningham's season was cut short after she tore her MCL battling for a ball against, what I suspect was a giant, breast-hating, lesbian. Undeterred, Sophie started a podcast and turned to social media, posting content about her recovery and elite thirst traps of her Succulent-Sized Saucers. Why? Probably boredom. But also probably because that’s what champions do.
Sophie Cunningham, 2025 IBTC President, we speak your name.
IBTC Honorable Mentions: Katie Miller, Margaret Qualley, Ann Michael Maye
Katie Miller
Katie Miller earns a spot of distinction for standing firm beside her husband, United States Homeland Security Advisor and the Duke of Deportations, Stephen Miller. Katie is as ride or die as they come, defending her husband through every smear cycle, media pile-on, and threat that comes his way. This mother of three started a podcast last year where she unloads on lying libtards while looking lovely with her lilliputian lactoids.
Katie's Modest Maraschinos appear perfect for Stephen, who appears absorbed by his admirable autistic quest to deport as many illegals as possible. A man on such a mission cannot suffer from the distraction posed by Mammoth Milk Wagons, making Katie's Bijou Blossoms an ideal fit. Thank you, Katie, for your service to this great nation.
Margaret Qualley
A naturally small-chested woman, Qualley willingly strapped on prosthetic pontoons to play a younger, more voluminously vesseled version of Demi Moore in 2025's The Substance. Margaret understood the assignment; she swallowed her pride and leaned into the physical transformation required to make the story work. In a culture obsessed with "body positivity," this Montana native, with model good looks, chose professionalism, embracing the moment and giving the audience what they wanted. That kind of confidence and dedication to one's craft deserves your respect and our honorable mention.
Ann Michael Maye
The supportive significant other to Patriots quarterback Drake Maye has become an internet darling during his breakout season. Over Christmas, Ann became a social media sensation after she started a TikTok video series where she baked something every day leading up to Christmas. The videos were very wholesome, and the internet has fallen in love with this North Carolinian and her Cozy Cardigan Cupcakes. "Bakemas" became so popular that Mrs. Maye has been hired to host her own baking show on local Boston TV, giving this blue-eyed beauty with Itty-Bitty BonBons the chance to catapult herself into an elite-class of NFL WAGs.
Dishonorable Mention: Megyn Kelly
The 2024 IBTC President entered the year in a position of strength. She had a unique voice, a microphone, and our attention, but squandered them due to a bad case of Podcast Brain, a condition whereby one becomes consumed by podcast-universe drama, half-baked theories, and conspiratorial rabbit holes. Podcast Brain was the leading source of cringe in 2025 and claimed Megyn among its victims.
You're only supposed to take one red pill, Megyn. Not the whole bottle.
More disappointing still, Kelly turned her fire inward and sewed discord among our ranks, aiming at Sydney Sweeney, the reigning 2024 Milkers of the Year Champion. In October, Kelly publicly criticized a sheer red-carpet dress worn by Sweeney that dared to highlight her Golden-Ratio Globes, saying it was too risque, showed "areola", and called it a "rare misstep".
As if attacking a fellow champion wasn't bad enough, Kelly took things further, blasphemously comparing Sweeney's outfit to the recently deposed Despot of Dumpers, Kim Kardashian. This was nearly unforgivable. MOTY winners are meant to defend the flank, not collapse it from within. Stewardship, not scolding. In 2025, Megyn lost her focus, and we hope she finds it again soon.