The 2025 Comeback Milkers Of The Year
- bartleby
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 hours ago
Comeback Milkers Of The Year (CMOTY)
Past Winners: Kate Upton (2024)
The CMOTY Division exists to honor a beautiful phenomenon: rediscovery. These Overlooked Orbs are not new revelations, but timeless truths briefly forgotten and then remembered all at once. CMOTY is where long-standing assets get reevaluated, old opinions quietly reversed, and the culture collectively slaps its own forehead and says, “Oh right.”
This is where dormant admiration awakens, where old photos circulate like sacred texts, and where familiarity ripens into appreciation. No campaign is required. No explanation is offered. Sometimes it’s a new movie, sometimes a show, sometimes a red carpet run or an unexpected viral moment, but the result is always the same: Bouncy Bygone Beauties snap back into relevance.
The 2025 CMOTY Winner: Anne Hathaway
Something strange happened in 2025: people remembered or finally realized that Anne Hathaway is a beautiful woman. There was no identifiable catalyst for this phenomenon, as she didn't star in any new movies in 2025, and he most recent roles haven't made the type of impact to garner new attention to her career. It is as if someone stumbled upon a photo of her from 2005, posted it on social media, and then, collectively and suddenly, everyone decided "Anne Hathaway is gorgeous, actually," and then photos of her started appearing everywhere.
I think I saw more appreciation of Anne Hathaway in the final months of 2025 than I had in the decade prior. Post after post, generating thousands of likes and millions of views. I'm actually a little worried that this may have been a psyop, and it worked to perfection.
Regardless, it's kind of maddening in a way, as this porcelain-skinned, doe-eyed, New Yorker with Nature Given Neptunes, has always been uniquely beautiful in a Snow White kind of way. I suspect much of the disrespect given to Hathaway comes from 2013, during her pursuit of an Oscar for Les Misérables. While Hathaway did take home her first Academy Award for the role, she came across as ambitious, contrived, and maddeningly cheerful.
While true, this never changed the fact that Hathaway has always been a true specimen with Irish-American Eye-Catchers, as research into films such as Love and Other Drugs, Havoc, and One Day will confirm for you. Brokeback Mountain includes such findings as well, but it's best to ignore that one for obvious reasons (gay). Regardless, it's nice that people saw the light here.
Anne Hathaway, 2025 Comeback Milkers of the Year, who'd a thunk it?
Honorable Mention: Malin Akerman, Margot Robbie
Malin Akerman
Akerman, a veteran actress, probably most known for her turn as Silk Spectre II in the 2009 film Watchmen, showed up on Netflix in 2025, starring alongside Brittany Snow in The Huntington Wives, a black-comedy thriller that was among the most-streamed shows of the year. The show itself was pretty dumb and bad and had a pretty predictable portrayal of conservatives, but Akerman makes it watchable by putting on an admirable performance and getting nude a crazy number of times. Like every episode, she's banging someone new. She was almost too naked, to be honest. I can't even remember what the show was about.
Yes, this Stockholm native put on a proverbial Smörgåsbord of Supple Saffransbullars and reminded everyone that she has never been afraid of showing them off on screen. Like when she was on the show Billions, or in the movie The Heartbreak Kid, or when she showed off her Seductive Swedish Sliders in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.
Yes, I remember all of these scenes, so what? I'm not counting or anything, but she just seems to be comfortable being nude on screen.
I just have a photographic recollection of some movies, big deal! It's not like I have a database cataloging the nude scenes of every actress I've ever watched. You act like having a good memory is some sort of crime.
You're reading this blog, and YOU'RE GONNA JUDGE ME?! Pffffft.
Margot Robbie
The Wolf of Wall Street star has never been known for having particularly large bosoms. That changed in 2025, when this A-Cupped Aussie showed up on the red carpet sporting Crocodile Dun D-Cups. Or big B-Cups or small C-Cups, whatever, the joke was too good to pass up.
Motherhood looks good on Margot Robbie, and seeing her with Nourishment-Filled Nebulas is worthy of celebration. She is glowing, and it is commendable that she put her impressive career on hold to have children with producer husband, Tom Ackeley, a lucky SOB whom I've never heard of before.
Let us hope that they stick Margot's Milk Fountains hang around for a while.