We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news! We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Virginia Democrat Candidate, Susanna Gibson: performed sex acts with husband on webcam for ‘tips'
Who is Susanna Gibson? Well, she's a mother of two and a democrat candidate in a tight (giggity) race in the Virginia House of Delegates. She's a MILF (a liberal one, sadly) who posted videos of herself getting railed by her husband on Chaturbate.
She did so entirely of her own free will . . . and for profit! Susanna, who allegedly described herself as "ethically non-monogamous" and admitted that she had her husband had "tried swapping partners" had 5700+ subscribers. She solicited "tokens" from such subscribers in exchange for performing lewd sex acts online.
She is now claiming that she's the victim of "leaks" and an intimidation campaign, despite the fact that she publicly recorded herself getting stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I haven't seen the videos and have no desire to watch them. It sucks that this woman's private moments are being shared online, but she literally posted them online for people to see. She invited people to see this very thing happen! She is no victim - she was a proud, public, degenerate up until the point where it became a political liability. Either the people of Richmond will ignore her degeneracy because they approve of her political "positions" (giggity) or they won't.
Regardless, her public escapades are newsworthy and voters deserve to know who they're voting for next year.
What's that? You're crediting Flappr for potentially ending the period of prolific poopers and ushering in a new age of mammoth mommy milkers? You're saying that Flappr's tireless efforts in celebrating dense dairy dumplings has helped Gen Z finally embrace dense dairy dumplings and turn away from titanic turd-cutters?
You're too kind. I don't know if we can claim credit for such a monumental feat, but I will anyways.
You're welcome, America. We are winning. We will win.
Selena Gomez: chose violence; unleashed the cannons.
Selena Gomez is someone who came up after my pop culture relevancy years. I think she was on a Disney show as a kid? Then she turned into a singer? And now she's back acting again? Were those always so big? I mean, they're REALLLLY big. Tremendous Texan Traffic Stoppers, if we're gonna be honest.
Feel like I would've known that they were that big.
Anyways, apparently she attended the VMAs last night and decided to humiliate every other woman in attendance with her dense dairy dumplings.
Speaking of. . .
The VMAs: happened, apparently.
This is a very "Bart reveals he's old now" type moment. . . but remember when the VMAs meant something? I remember watching the VMAs as a teenager and they were a cultural event. The VMAs were the first thing talked about at school the Monday morning after they aired.
"Did you see Lil Kim's titty dress?"
"Did you see Britney Spears perform with that fucking huge SNAKE!?"
Well, apparently only 705,000 people watched the live broadcast of 2022 VMAs?
That's fucking pathetic! The US was a better place when we had more things in common. The VMAs were always dumb, but they were a dumb thing that a lot of people watched together.
According to the Flappr Institute of Anatomical Research, aesthetically pleasing breasts feature nipples that are located somewhat near the center of the middle third of the booby and nipples that point in the same general direction.
The nipples on our surgically enhanced siren (pictured above) are unevenly distributed on the booby tissue and are pointed in completely opposite directions. These silicone-filled sweater stretchers suffer from what's called "Igor Syndrome", a condition where boobs too closely resemble the eyes of Dr. Frankenstein's ocularly challenged lab assistant:
This woman's plastic surgeon is a butcher and/or has TERRIBLE eyesight!
She should ask for a refund. She should sue for malpractice. What a tragtitty.
Meet Mint Salad: a star is born.
This video skyrocketed around Twitter last Friday. Our titular heroine ranting on how Disney has ruined Star Wars franchise. She has gone very viral. She was featured on Barstool.
Flappr was tagged no less than 20 times on this video. I was interested in learning more about @autisticboobs, who goes by Mint Salad and reviews movies on YouTube for the channel ASE Presents.
Ms. Salad has been reviewing films and making content on YouTube for over 3 years. She has posted nearly 1000 videos. The videos have production value. She does cosplays for her reviews. There is effort. She's been grinding, trying to build out her audience for years. As a content creator, I have a ton of respect for that.
You should subscribe to her channel and give her videos a chance.
NY Post: I breastfeed my husband to spend more quality time together — our marriage is stronger than ever
From the article: "It’s such a nice experience and I am so glad we started doing it. We aren’t embarrassed about it at all,” she said. “Alexander felt so much more energized when he was drinking my milk and he said that he even felt in a state of medication while he was latched on."
Not to brag, BUT I have unclogged Mrs. Bart's titty duct before. Titty duct unclogging is not a particularly romantic act and while titty milk is not terrible tasting. . . it's not something I'd order at a TGI Friday's.
My man, Alex, is not sucking on the titty for the palliative effects of titty milk consumption. That's my main issue here. Alexander and his wife are pretending like his thirst for titty milk is something other than a sexual kink. This isn't the most depraved sexual kink, but it's definitely a sexual kink.
Alexander is either a genius, enjoying a year 3000 standard of living or he's a real sicko. It's probably the latter, but I'm not ruling out the former.
No Context, Beautiful Woman Wearing Sundress:
Embrace Sundress Nationalism.
That video is pretty great and I agree with a lot of what the milkmaid says, but I am wary of how "trad wife" has become an online shtick for some clever smokeshows. It's certainly a better message to send than "be a whore", but the underlying message can become toxified if it the concept is cartoonishly portrayed.
To me, at least, it's not that women should not have a career, it's that too many women feel like stay-at-home mom is beneath them. That motherhood can't be enough. That raising children is somehow a less worthy pursuit than working 70 hours a week for Deloitte.
Destigmatizing motherhood as a career choice is the most important step and stay-at-home mom a realistic option for more households should be a conservative policy platform.
A lot of people are celebrating the headline without looking at some of the other. more troubling, responses.
Yes, it's a good thing that 64% of young men don't want to date communists. . . but nearly as many young women don't want to date conservative men, or men who say there are only two genders, or men who listen to Joe Rogan(?).
Oh, and young men would prefer to date a liberal over a conservative woman? These young bucks seem to be under the false impression that there is a discernable difference between the modern liberal and communist.
The only possible way this poll is a W instead of a huge L is if these numbers are trending in a positive direction from previous years. If not, the kids are not alright.
It wouldn't be a weekly episode of T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) if a Rupert Murdoch owned media outlet hadn't published a story about some hairy broad.
In fact, between The NY Post and The Sun, this is the FOURTEENTH straight week they've published a story promoting a hairy women agenda.
Let's see what fur-goblin the Murdoch Media empire is pushing this week. . .
I mean, what the fuck? She's got a hairier chest than I do! She looks like Carl Weathers in Predator! This is the sickest shit they've posted yet. Fuck. Disgusting.
PUT AN END TO THIS RUPERT!
Other Important News
Hunter Biden: was indicted on federal gun charges (for real this time).
If convicted, Hunter could face up to 25 year . . . I'm not even gonna finish this sentence. You know and I know that Hunter is going to get probation for this one - which is probably the correct outcome for THESE charges (lying about being a drug addict on his gun application).
The real question is what will come of the FARA violations (if anything). I wouldn't hold your breath, though.
Megyn Kelly: interviewed Trump.
This was a better interview than the one Trump did with Tucker. You may not like it, but it's true - she actually asked him questions that people might care about.
Whether or not you like Trump's answers is up to you.
My only take: Megyn Kelly looked very MILFy.
Senator John Kennedy: should consider narrating smutty audiobooks.
Just pure sexual magnetism anytime this dude opens his mouth.
Also very funny how anytime libtards actually hear the content from books they want in children's libraries. . . they can't help but agree that it sounds pretty fucking inappropriate. It's unfortunate that polarization has made it impossible for people to agree with the "other side" on things they know are undoubtedly true.
So apparently Boebert and her date were kicked out of a performance of Beetlejuice because she was vaping, singing and causing a disturbance.
Loud? Talking? Singing? Vaping? In a theater? Disturbing everyone who just wants to enjoy the show?
. . . . .
Lauren Boebert might win some votes from an unexpected demographic in 2024.
Barstool Sports / Jerry Thornton: Mexico's Congress Just Unboxed Two 1,000 Year Old Mummified Alien Corpses on Live TV
I did not have Mexican alien corpse reveal on my 2023 bingo card.
What the fuck is going on? Why all this alien reveal shit right now? Feels like we're being prepped for something.
Shit doesn't even look close to real. It looks like bad papier-mâché. Bad, Mexican, papier-mâché, actually.
Noah Rothman / National Review: Democrats Should Not Be So Confident the Biden Impeachment Inquiry Will Be a Bust
Do you think the average American knows that $20 million in payments were directed to the Biden family members and associates through various shell companies?
I don't think they do. What would Biden's already dreadful approval numbers look like if they did know? That's what's at risk for the Democrats.
Charles C.W. Cooke / National Review: A Little Crack in the Media
From the piece:
"By and large, the press is still insisting adamantly that the Republican House has absolutely “no evidence” of any wrongdoing by President Biden — or, in the case of terminally dishonest figures such as David Frum, pretending that the GOP wants to impeach Biden purely because his son is a drug addict. But, at the margins, I’m seeing a few signs that these positions will not hold for too long.”
My take: I think Charlie is being too optimistic. Journalists are scum and will eventually fall in line when push comes to shove.
The Other McCain: The Destructive Force of ‘Equality’; Rule 5 Sunday: Swimwear, very nice and Escaped Murderer Now Armed
The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares the insane story of Danelo Cavalcante, a man convicted of stabbing (and murdering) his girlfriend 38 times and who later escaped a Pennsylvania prison.
From the article:
"He’s an illegal immigrant, who fled Brazil as a fugitive wanted for murder and somehow made it into the United States, where he apparently went unnoticed in the suburbs of Philadelphia for more than three years before he killed his ex-girlfriend."
Funny how CNN didn't mention that until the very end of the story. Maybe Danelo should've never been allowed in this country! Thankfully, Cavalcante was found and arrested on Wednesday.
Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily NORK Submarine News
The one in which Animal shares news of how "North Korea, that isolated Stalinist dictatorship run by a stunted little gargoyle with bad hair from a long line of stunted little gargoyles with bad hair, that Communist shithole that can’t even feed its own citizenry, claims to have launched a nuclear ballistic missile submarine."
Thompson, blog: Cosmetics Were Applied
The one in which David Thompson shares video of a preschool teacher who says she teaches her students to be gay and that they can find another family if they don't like their parents.
From the article:
"Well, it would be nice – refreshing, even – if these people worked out their serious mental health issues on their own time. Rather than, as seems to be the fashion, inflicting them on other people’s children."
Make sure to go give David a follow on Twitter and make his blog a part of your weekly reading list.
Important News, BUT Sports
The Green Bay Packers: took a giant shit on my cornflakes (again)
I didn't think the Bears would be good this season. I don't think Justin Fields will ever be a good quarterback. I just didn't want them to get embarrassed (again) on a nationally televised game against the Packers.
They were. They were thoroughly embarrassed (again). The Packers (only) won by 18, but it may as well have been 1800. The Bears got DOMINATED (again) by our cocksucking neighbors to the north.
Bears fans are the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet. They actually believed this Bears team was going to make the playoffs this year! You'll still see many of them defending Justin Fields and pretending like Jordan Love wasn't good last Sunday (he was good, not GREAT). This fanbase (myself included) is full of retards who endlessly beat their heads into a brick wall, expecting something to change.
That being said. . . I'm picking Justin Fields and the Bears to rebound with a win in Week 2 in Tampa vs Baker and the Bucs!
I'm kidding, the Bears are going to lose by 10+ points. Lock of the week.
Aaron Rodgers: fucked me (again); ruptured his Achilles tendon.
My only true excitement going into this NFL Season was the hope that Aaron Rodgers (who I've hated until very recently) might win the Super Bowl and make Packers fans miserable.
That hope lasted 4 fucking plays. Aaron Rodgers found a new way to fuck me. Now when I see my Wisconsin family, they're going to shit down my throat again.
Thanks a lot, asshole. (Also, please heal up and win the Super Bowl next year!)
The "Does Jordan Love Sucks-O-Meter":
. . . . no, Jordan Love does not suck.
The 49ers: shit pumped Kenny Pickett and the Steelers; won 30-7.
I picked the 49ers to win the Super Bowl in my 2023 NFL Season Preview, so it was at least nice to see them get off to a good start. Brock Purdy is the new easiest guy to root for in the NFL.
Purdy (the last pick of the 2022 draft) will face off against Matthew Stafford (the first pick of the 2009 draft) next week. First time that's ever happened before. Kind of cool in a useless stat kind of way.
Barstool Sports: US Open Beer Chug Girl Megan Lucky Showed Up To MNF After Being Denied At This Year's Tournament ....Still Got It
Last week I shared with you the story of Megan Lucky, a smokeshow who gained notoriety after chugging beers at the US Open and who was denied an opportunity to continue her efforts at this year's tournament.
Well, it looks like Megan found a away to be hot and chug beers at a sporting event to entertainment the masses and soak up internet clout. A happy ending.
From the article:
"I was a gymnast before I switched into golf, I was so comfortable wearing spandex and very little of it because that's just what you wear when you're wearing a leotard and you're competing. When I switched into golf, we were struggling a little bit financially and so I didn't have the luxury to go out and buy a whole new golf-appropriate wardrobe."
She dresses in spandex because it was all she could afford when she switched to golf. Are you happy now, haters? I bet this video makes the haters sick!
God bless Paige Spiranac, hero of middle-class gymnast to golf converts everywhere.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: Lololol oh yeah, that's Jordan Poyer's wife, Rachel Bush, and she's definitely twerking on vacation! Yes, this is a very literal BSO headline!
What do you think of that video, Al Pacino from the movie Heat?
I'm guessing Alicia made more than a few towers lean during her time in Italy. A little Leaning Tower of Pisa erection joke for you to close out this Friday.
Very Important Meme of the Week
Our meme of the week goes to @Nessakins_ for this dead on characterization of John Fetterman as a Jiffy Lube oil technician. To be fair though, Jiffy Lube oil technicians provide a valuable service to their communities. Fetterman only serves as a sobering reminder for the current tragic state of our republic.
10/10, no thanks, I don't want the air filter changed.
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