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Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects - 6.28.24

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.


It’s Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!


We will deliver T.I.T.S. (a coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday if you subscribe to our blog!

 
Very Important News!



The 'Hawk Tuah' Girl conquered the internet last week and provided Americans from across the political spectrum a momentary respite from our ongoing ideological warfare. She really did. Blue Wave Shitlibs, Marxists, Populists, and BoomerCons all took a break from being insufferable to enjoy Hawk Tuah's southern drawl and enthusiasm for phlegm-based-fellatio.



It was kind of nice. We don't have many moments like this anymore. Our culture is less communal and more siloed to esoteric internet subcultures and shows that we stream at different times and dates. Thankfully, this Naughty Kneepad-Wearing Nashvillian stumbled upon a guy doing interviews for his YouTube channel and was drunk enough to share her expertise in the art of eggplant expectoration. This 10-second clip is perfect for the social media age - short, features a cute blonde talking about something spicy, and includes a catchy phrase for people to repeat ad nauseum. It's like this video was designed in a viral meme lab.


I must say though . . . the concept of the 'Hawk Tuah' maneuver is disgusting, right? Guys don't really want a woman to hock a loogy on their love muscle. The idea behind the 'Hawk Tuah' seems inspired by Zoomer porn culture that emphasizes weird humiliation shit. Ladies, , , , here is some free advice - you don't need to 'spit on that thang' - the key performance metric in this arena is old-fashioned enthusiasm. If you're enthusiastic (or at least pretend to be), we're having more than enough fun.


Yes, I just over-analyzed this meme. I am more of a Crazy Plane Lady or Wholesome Oilers Flasher Girl type guy, though. You know, viral internet people of a more sophisticated, less smutty, type. So sorry for having standards.




Unexpected boob glimpses, caught in the wild, are the best kind of boob glimpses. Yet, there are different kinds of flashing. Not all public flashing is created equal. Some flashing is more acceptable than others. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Allow me to explain with examples.


Example A: a blue-collar hockey fan goes to a watch party after barely eating all day, has a few too many hard seltzies, and, amid pure, unbridled, joy, exposes her Artificial Alberta Aoogahs after her team qualifies for their first Stanley Cup Finals since 2006.


Example B: a naked news reading host from Toronto exposes herself repeatedly all over New York in broad daylight and posts the photos on social media, not out of exuberance or jubilation, but to promote her brand and as an act "rooted in justice" for "equality" or something.


Do you see the differences here? A woman who becomes overwhelmed by excitement and exposes her bosoms is fun and somehow wholesome and very different than a professional naked person who pollutes her nakedness with "messaging". One is for fun, the other for-profit and politics. One invites you to share in her excitement, the other feels shameful and uncouth. Context matters.


Thank you for coming to my TEDD Talk (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes).



Not to brag, BUT I have tasted titty milk before - straight from the tap. I cannot lie, Mommy Milk tastes fucking good. It's very sweet, like nectar from God. So, I can understand why this "bestie" added "drink tiddy milk" to her bucket list, but the manner and form by which she achieved this goal is unacceptable.


You see, my breast milk consumption was an act of heroism. A clogged tiddy duct had befallen Mrs. Bart and my pursed lips and instinctive suckling liberated her from achy, swollen, and overfilled dairy dispensers. This was not an act of degeneracy, but an act of compassion with the added bonus of a tasty, refreshing, treat. I did not ask for seconds. I didn't just ask for glass. I earned the privilege to experience the forbidden nectar through courtship, marriage, cocksmanship and gallantry . . . and then I memory banked that experience so that I could one day share it with random strangers on the internet.



The woman in the video above did nothing of the sort. She didn't earn the experience of tasting breast milk (which she could have by . . . getting pregnant and making her own), she requisitioned it like one would order a Shirley Temple at a wedding. Tiddy Milk is not a "mocktail" consisting of grenadine syrup, ginger ale, and maraschino cherries. Tiddy Milk is sacred and should be consumed from a nipple (either human or bottle form), not from a stemless wine glass.


Carefree consumption of human calcium is a slippery slope that none of us want to find ourselves tumbling down. Breast milk must be kept sacred - a blessed byproduct of motherhood to be shared with babies (and husbands when unclogging ducts). We live in a society, dammit.




This is not me. I did not get a tattoo of Paige Spiranac's autograph on my bicep and I condemn those suggesting otherwise.


Furthermore, I detest the implication that these slanderous accusations insinuate. I am not a simp. Yes, I do find Ms. Spiranac and her Gorgeous Golfing Globes to be charming and worthy of praise . . . but I am first and foremost a journalist. I write about Paige Spiranac out of a duty to uncover and report truth to the public. The life and adventures of Ms. Spiranac are newsworthy. That's where my journalistic curiosity begins and ends here. Nothing more. Nothing less.


This biceps tattoo is very cringe. I am not cringe. It's peak simpism. It's similar to the type of dude who goes to porn conventions to meet his favorite "actresses" to get a picture with them (and likely to purchase prosthetic human stimulation devices fashioned based on molds of their genitalia). It's a bad look. You don't need to do this fellas. You can be a fan without being a puddle of pitiable lust. Save your money. Find a woman. Treat her kindly. Get married and start a family.


Again, the man in the photo is not me. I am not a simp. Thank you.

 
Regular News!

The Debate: Wow.



That was ugly for Joe Biden. Real ugly. Uglier than even the most ardent Trump supporter could've expected. It was the rare terrible performance that nobody watching could ignore. It was so bad that CNN and MSNBC had absolute fucking meltdowns in the post-debate aftermath.


Just look at Van Jones, mfer looked like he was about to start weeping on live TV:



So, what was so bad about Biden's performance? Well . . . just about everything. His voice was hoarse. Like "uhhh, should we take grandpa to the ER" level hoarse. When he walked out on stage, he waved to an audience that wasn't there.


Biden was incoherent. It took him 19 seconds to ramble aimlessly about healthcare before bizarrely proclaiming that "we finally beat Medicare".



He made weird faces all night. Rather than staring at the camera, he was often staring off-stage or down at his ding-dong. He started a fight with Trump over who was a better golfer. These dudes called each other criminals for over an hour, but things didn't get heated until they insulted one another’s golf swings. Trump ended that spat by saying "Let's not act like children". SOMEHOW Biden made Donald FUCKING Trump look like the adult in the room.


Speaking of, Trump was as prepared, calm, and in control as I've ever seen him. More often than not, he did not take the bait. Trump often answered questions he wanted to answer, rather than the ones asked . . . which is a smart debate tactic. The former president wasn't perfect, but he was poised and presented a very stark contrast to the blob of goo vibrating next to him. Trump landed the kill shot about 35 minutes or so into the debate:



Simply put, this was Trump's best debate performance. He was charismatic, he was Trumpy, in control and it's encouraging to see that he might have learned something from his last go 'round. I Didn't think this old dog could learn new tricks.


Where do things go from here? Who knows. Literally every Libtard on CNN and MSNBC were openly calling for Biden to be replaced on the ticket. MSNBC was begging Gavin Newsom to step in and run in Biden's place. The donor class has to be losing their minds right now. I don't know if they can pull off a hot swap this far into an election cycle, but if they do, their options do not inspire confidence. You have to believe they'd choose Kamala Harris to replace Biden - lest they alienate black female voters (their most loyal constituency). The problem there is that Kamala is less popular than Joe. There just isn't a good option for them (though I'd keep an eye on Hillary, she makes sense for a lot of reasons).


What we do know is that the media was in lockstep last night - ringing alarm bells and sounding trumpets for an open convention this fall. The next few weeks will be fascinating to watch as pressure mounts on Biden to "step aside".


The Polls: Trump still leads the battleground states.



These numbers are somewhat worthless after last night's debacle but do serve as a baseline for pre/post-debate polling. These numbers will look different next week.




This one sucks. The high court ruled that two states and some social media users did not have standing to challenge the government's coordinated censorship efforts with social media companies. This was a 6-3 decision, with Kavanaugh, Barrett, and Roberts siding with the three liberal justices. The majority opinion, authored by Barrett, seemed to buy the DOJ's claim that they weren't "coercing" Facebook and Twitter when they sent them things to censor and since the government itself was not coercing or directly censoring Doctors Jay Bhattacharya, Martin Kuldroff, and Aaron Kheriaty - they did not suffer an injury to qualify them for standing before the court (if you don't have standing, you can't bring suit).


Justice Samuel Alito's dissent captures my feelings (and fears):


"The Court . . . permits the successful campaign of coercion in this case to stand as an attractive model for future officials who want to control what the people say, hear, and think. That is regrettable. . . . It was blatantly unconstitutional, and the country may come to regret the Court’s failure to say so. Officials who read today’s decision together with Vullo will get the message. If a coercive campaign is carried out with enough sophistication, it may get by. That is not a message this Court should send."


To my understanding, the justices did not rule on the merits of the case, only whether or not this set of facts was sufficient to confer standing on the plaintiffs. Some other cases are making their way through the system right now that might have better luck in this regard . . . but still, this sucks and sets a chilling precedent for the lengths our government can go to silence dissenting opinions.




According to the article, a study conducted by McKinsey showed that "46% of EV owners in the U.S. said they were “very” likely to switch back to owning a gas-powered vehicle in their next purchase."


This is surprising only to people pushing EVs. The infrastructure for charging stations sucks. The battery life on most EVs is unsuitable for long daily travel. Charging a vehicle takes considerably longer (40 mins to an hour?) than just filling up at the pump and driving off. Some EVs are pretty cool (only the Tesla, actually), but there is no way around the fact that EVs are much less practical than gas-powered cars. Instead of embracing this fact and pushing gas-powered hybrids, Libtards have attempted to socially engineer interest in EVs and that is failing.


To be fair, of owners who plan to return to owning a gas-powered vehicle, their biggest complaint was the lack of available charging infrastructure. Good thing the Biden Administration gave Mayor Pete 2 Trillion Dollars to build (at least) 500,000 but so far only having built seven charging stations! Unfortunately, however, the admin has only succeeded in installing only seven federally funded chargers. Biden has taken "the California Model" nationwide. What a fucking joke.



The one in which Robert Stacy McCain reports on the downfall of fire alarm-challenged congressman, Jamaal Bowman:


"Progressive Rep. Jamaal Bowman, D-N.Y., lost his primary Tuesday to a moderate challenger who was backed by pro-Israel groups, NBC News projected, following a bitter and expensive race that exposed the party’s divisions . . . . Nearly $15 million of that spending came from the United Democracy Project, a super PAC linked to the powerful pro-Israel lobby American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), which backed Latimer.


One group spending $15 million in a congressional primary? Wow. I guess they were trying to send a message."


I'll be honest, I don't particularly love that a lobbyist group advocating on behalf of a foreign nation is spending this type of money in a US election. I feel the same way about Soros buying DA elections in blue cities (like my own) to have them stop enforcing laws. That being said, Bowman is a clown who seems more concerned about Palestine than his constituents so . . . **shrugs**.


Seems like our modern politicians care about anything other than the best interests of their constituents.



The one where David shares news from the University of Sheffield, in England, where researchers are using taxpayer money to ‘decolonise’ folk singing:


"Obviously, activities that are chiefly indulged in by white people – in this case, folk singing – must be deemed suspect and found problematic with great urgency, and then probed for hidden wrongness. At taxpayer expense. . . . Those interviewed – and subjected to this no-doubt-gruelling test of word-association – included “36 women, 21 men, and 2 non-binary people.” The researchers thereby deduced that “male associations are more prevalent than female ones.” By which they mean, members of their tiny, rather incestuous sample were slightly more likely to mention Bob Dylan than Joan Baez. And to mention “beards” slightly more often than “long dresses with red trim."


It pains me to type this, but it appears that the United States' most prominent cultural export over the past decade is cultural Marxism. We used to make rooskies want to eat McDonald's and buy blue jeans, but now we've just spread a virus that leads to studies about white supremacy in folk music. Very cringe and gay.



 
Sports! Sports! Sports!

The Florida Panthers: are Stanley Cup Champions



What a weird fucking series. The Panthers dominated the Oilers through the first 8 periods of this series. Then the Oilers nearly came back and stole Game 3, went on to score 18 goals combined in 4, 5, and 6, but only scored one in their Game 7 loss. I don't think I've ever seen a final that was quite as topsy-turvy as this one.


I picked the Panthers to win the series, but they looked COOKED by the end of Game 6. They had no gas left. The Ps probably should've lost Game 7, the Oilers had more shots on goal, won more faceoffs, and had several more quality scoring chances. Based on the analytics, the "Deserve To Win O'Meter" says the Oilers win Game 7 62% percent of the time. Bobrovsky made some great saves, and the Panthers' willingness to block shots with their bodies (and some puck luck) saved their bacon. The Oilers were so close to tying this game on several occasions, but couldn't pump one back Bobrovksy:



If these teams played another 10 times, the Oilers probably win 8 of them. But Game 7 was one of the two where the Oilers struggled to penetrate the Panthers D and Bobrovsky recaptured his dominance from earlier in the series. That's what happens sometimes. Womp. Womp.




If you grew up playing hockey in Chicago during the 1990s (which I did), Jeremy Roenick was very likely your favorite player. Kids on my team used to squabble over who would get to wear Roenick's No. 27 during the season. The dude was electric to watch. He was a rare offensive star who was also willing to take the body. His highlights from that era are filled with jaw-dropping goals and hits you can feel through the screen:



JR was brash, cocky, and one of the best American-born players of his generation.

He was also kind of an asshole at times. He feuded with other guys. Took some cheap shots (Mike Modano most notably). He was the recipient of several cheap shots (Darien Hatcher brutally injured him - twice). He made a lot of enemies over the years (with guys he played with on Team USA for some reason) and that's probably why it took so long for him to hear his name called for HOF induction.


Roenick finished his career ranked 5th all-time in points (1216), 4th in goals (513), and 7th in assists (703) among American-born players. He’s (finally) getting inducted into the HOF. It’s about damn time.


This will likely be the last time I talk about hockey until next fall. I promise.




I am the self-appointed Omboobsman of the boobie blog-o-sphere, duty calls and it would appear that my work must continue this week because Outkick continues to make critical errors in its blogs.


Misleading Headline: This headline states that Gia Duddy is 'working on her buns', which suggests that the blog would include thirst traps of Ms. Duddy performing some type of exercise or tanning of her bottom. Upon inspection of social media posts embedded within the blog, the 'buns' alluded to refer to Ms. Duddy's hair 'bun' - a clever, but misleading, play on words that was likely crafted to entice bum-enthusiasts to click the blog for ass-related content. We have provided readers with a graphic of the 'buns' to make up for this deception:



Factual Error #1: Gia Duddy is the FORMER girlfriend of Tennessee Titans Quarterback, Will Levis. To my knowledge, she is not currently dating any professional athlete, meaning she is no longer a WAG and should not be referred to as such in the headline. Former WAG would have been appropriate.


Factual Error #2: The section of this blog dedicated to Miss Duddy bizarrely includes text quoted text about Bill Belichick from a TMZ article. This text was likely included in error and suggests a lack of proofreading before publishing.


Stylistic Error: Outkick should stop using "WAG", an uncouth and demeaning term that stands for "Wife and Girlfriend" and instead adopt the Flappr-created term "SSO" ("Supportive Significant Other"), but that's a battle for another day.


Ms. Duddy seems like a lovely woman and we wish her luck in her pursuits to find a new partner and reclaim her SSO status. We will continue to monitor these blogs until their journalistic standards improve. We are unpaid and perform this task as a service to the boobie blog-o-sphere reading public writ large.




Look at these two beautiful motherf*ckers. They're almost too good-looking to set eyes upon like I'm breaking some medieval-era law that prohibited the small folk from gazing upon nobles. I am happy for them. I have documented Olivia Culpo's elite SSO career over the past year and there has been much to celebrate. Let's take a walk down mammary lane, shall we?


During her husband's playoff run, Culpo had a custom 49ers bustier made to celebrate McCaffrey's success on the field. Then, after the team beat Detroit to advance to the Super Bowl, Culpo posted a video of her in a lover's embrace with her champion, having just slain a Lion, with a caption that read "[w]atching the love of your life live out his dream is the best feeling in the world." Finally, Culpo took to TikTok to say that she wanted to have McCaffrey's babies and followed that by saying “The day after my wedding, I’m just gonna rip out my IUD and start trying immediately”, which is the sexiest thing a woman can ever say to a man.


Dear Lord, these two are about to embark on a newly-wedded f*ck fest for the ages, aren't they? Good for them. We need more love in this world and these two stunning SOBs are going to make gorgeous kids together.


And for those wondering, I never received an invitation to their wedding. Sure, it would've been nice if they had invited me - I have, after all, been the biggest supporter of their union on the internet, but whatever I'm not mad or anything. A little disappointed, I suppose, but only because I knew we'd become fast friends. I'm a good 'hang'. I do great impressions! I make funny, alliterative terms for boobs! Culpo's Calcium Congas! She would've loved that one . . . sigh . . . oh well, I hope their wedding day is blessed with good weather and no members of the bridal party suffer from an illness that prevents them from attending.


That would be a shame.



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):



That is Volleyball Star Kayla Simmons and she appears to be "teasing fans with her assets in a very tiny bikini', so this BSO headline rates as a literal one.

Sadly, however, BSO does still appear to be using AI prompts to generate the text of its blogs. Let's review this week's output from ChatGPT (or some other LLM):


"Fans were quick to take to social media to express their awe and admiration for Kayla’s hotness and confidence. Comments poured in, with many calling her the queen of bikini. Some even joked that they needed to hit the gym to achieve a body as sculpted as hers.


But it’s not just her looks that make Kayla a standout star. Her dedication and determination have earned her numerous accolades and a loyal fanbase who admire her not only for her athletic prowess but also for her wild thirst traps.


Next time you’re scrolling through your feed and come across a picture of Kayla Simmons rocking a tiny bikini, take a moment to appreciate not only her beauty but also her strength, resilience, and passion for the game. After all, she’s not just a pretty face – she’s a fierce competitor who knows how to work hard and play harder. And that’s what makes her the sexiest volleyball star in the world."


There's just no way that the BSO boobie bloggers wrote this sterilized prose. That's not their style. I miss their original work, like in 2023 when they wrote "Kayla Simmons isn’t down with showing off what her mama gave her as she keeps flaunting them hot to keep her thirsty fans glued to her Instagram page." That sentence is poorly written and doesn't even make sense, but it at least reads as engaged and spirited. No LLM will ever match that sort of human authenticity.


Oh well.


 
Meme of the Week!

This week's winner is none other than the man, the myth, the legend, The Man with the Golden Dick, Doctor Cock n' Balls, @Richard_Haramabe. The man posts nothing but bangers. Sometimes I wish he'd miss once to let us know that he's human. . . but it just never happens. This meme went very viral. It was stolen without attribution by @OldRowOfficial (garnering 9.4M views) among countless others. Doc's post collected 14.3M Views, 8.3K RTs, and 142K likes. A monster.


This meme was so popular that TMFINR lady reposted a screenshot of the tweet to her personal Instagram story:

When the subject of a meme embraces the meme, that's usually a sign that it was pretty damn funny. And this one was funny. It's simple and accessible - the exact type of meme has the most potential to go MEGA viral.


When asked for comment on his win this week, @Richard_Haramabe shared the following for publication:

So true. Well said.

 
Some Flappr Blogs!



3 Comments


Guest
Jun 30

I can't believe you misspelled the good doctor's X handle... twice. At least you got the underlying link right.

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Guest
Jun 29

Outstanding edition this week. You even have me reading about sports now, which is no small feat. Notice someone burned the midnight oil to cover the presidential debate last night. Always thinking of your readers, we appreciate it.


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PizzaCzar
PizzaCzar
Jun 28

The Jarskey case was weird in that the SCOTUS agreed to hear it then said it didn’t have standing. Hello why didn’t they do that during oral arguments? I like Doc’s short answers.

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