It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.
It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!
Editor's Note: Please do not search for "Nancy Mace Boobs", "Boebert Boobs", "AOC Gazongas" or "other words for boobs". Thank you for your consideration.
Editor's Note Part Deux: This was a busy week around Flappr HQ (holidays and all), so this episode of S M & U T will be shorter than usual (which means still much longer than necessary).
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Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!
Calcium Caucus Convention: Mace x Luna
Nancy Mace has been on a non-stop X-a-thon over the last fourteen days, posting with stunning frequency (some might say posting a bit TOO much). This tweet storm culminated early Tuesday when she posted the above photo of herself and Anna Paulina Luna, thanking the Florida Congresswoman for introducing a resolution condemning the death threats that Mace has received for her request for the implementation of a rule to ban penis-havers from women-only spaces.
We love to see camaraderie among members of the Calcium Caucus. Moreover, we cannot recall any crossover social media moments between competitors in our annual Milkers of the Year competition. As some of you might recall, Rep. Mace took home the highly competitive Mommy Milky Division in 2023, while Rep. Luna was our IBTC Division Champion. While neither claimed the coveted Breast In Show Award (won by Boebert, Lauren, as a result of her titular theatre adventures) this image reminds us of photos of other rivals showing each other respect while competing at the highest level of their sports - Magic and Bird, Gretzky and Lemieux, Lebron James and literacy.
This visage is one that will not soon be forgotten, but the photo has raised some questions and controversy within the MOTY community . . .
Nancy Mace: Dairy Docking and Allegations of MOTY Manipulation?
While this photo might be a rarity in this space, it was no accident. Deploying this photo a little over a month before the MOTY Awards are scheduled to be announced was a diabolical move from Mace. Mace knew what she was doing. Mace knows that MOTY judges are fiercely debating the merits of this year's candidates. Mace knew that posting a photo of herself with Luna would catch their attention. Likewise, Mace knew that her Mammoth Milk Fountains would mog Luna's Liliputian Lactioids when captured side by side. This was a textbook Machiavellian Milk Wagon Manuever if we've ever seen one . . . and it worked.
MOTY deliberations are shrouded in secrecy, however, sources familiar with such discussions shared with me on the condition of anonymity that Mace's MOTY 2024 candidacy was in jeopardy until this photo catapulted her back into contention. The judges were particularly fond of how this pokie portrait featured the subtle touching of bosoms - a practice colloquially known as "Dairy Docking".
I reached out to Sarah, a subject matter expert in the field, to learn more about this rod-raising-ritual. More specifically, I asked Sarah if large-chested women "Dairy Docked" with their more diminutively endowed counterparts to absorb their power and increase the size of their bosoms, similar to the way Highlanders absorb the life force of decapitated foes via "The Quickening".
Sarah explained that "Dairy Docking is not a real thing" and that this was "just some perverted thing" that I had made up and that just because she was busty did not make her "a subject matter expert on boobs". Fascinating insight from an authority in the field, yet I remain fair certain that this is a real thing, even though I literally just invented it for this blog . . .
Likewise, Vanessa, a human biological female with large breasts, was asked if the gland grazing in the photo should be ignored as accidental. Vanessa replied by stating "No, this was no coincidence" and that "women can tell when their boobs are touching each other".
Oh, and Nancy Mace followed Flappr this week (tee-hee) in perhaps the most aggressive act of MOTY Mammary Manipulation we've seen to date.
Will Mace's belated, but deserved, acknowledgment of Flappr's greatness pay off with MOTY glory? Only time will tell, but . . . probably because I value affirmation.
Your move, Sydney Sweeney!
Editor's Note Trois: I wrote about a thousand words here to slyly brag about how Nancy Mace followed us this week. Don't pretend like you're not impressed. Suck it, Jarvis!
News! News! News!
Thanksgiving - Good Thing, Bad Thing?
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving has this delightful simplicity to it. It’s not about how much you spend, but how much you cherish. There's no need to empty your wallet; instead, you fill your heart and your stomach with as much love and butter-basted meats and carbs (until RFK, Jr bans them) as your waistband will allow. Food and Football take center stage, but the true soul of Thanksgiving is the idea that we should pause, take a day, reflect on how fortunate we are, and spend time with those dearest to us. You may invite your scumbag cousins to Christmas, but not to Thanksgiving - this holiday is reserved for the true VIPs in your life.
I like that. I think that's beautiful.
While Thanksgiving is the quintessential American holiday, its roots are intertwined with the European autumnal festivals - where farmers, particularly in England and France, celebrated the end of the harvest season with festivals like Samhain. These pagan feasts were, more or less, celebrations of the fact that these would not starve to death as winter loomed.
America improved upon those festivals, though. There was no football in the Middle Ages. There were no parades of giant floats featuring random cartoon characters. There was no dish comparable to sweet potatoes baked with little marshmallows on top. No, capitalism, consumerism, and American culinary innovation brought those to the table, you damn, filthy, pagans!
Thanksgiving became an official holiday in 1863 when President Abraham Lincoln, amid the American Civil War, declared it by proclamation, stating "with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience ... fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation...". Those words, perhaps, provide a road map to our current state of political polarization.
Maybe this is the year you DON'T talk politics at the dinner table. Maybe this year you choose to ignore your libtard mother-in-law when she inevitably parrots something she heard Rachel Maddow say about Trump. Maybe this year you beg your dad to refrain from starting any sentence with "Well, Alex Jones says . . ." Maybe, just maybe, this year we put down our rhetorical weapons and just eat.
LOL, I bet you believed that bullshit. Good heavens, you people will fall for ANYTHING! You're so gullible! Comity? Really? Now, after all they've done? We'll have "Comity" after James Comey-ty gets a tan from breaking rocks at GITMO!
WE WON THE ELECTION! WE HAVE TO RUB THEIR SMUG LIBTARD NOSES IN IT! I HOPE YOU TOLD YOUR LIBTARD AUNT THAT THE BEST SHE CAN HOPE IS THAT TRUMP WILL LET HER KEEP HER CAT WHEN HE THROWS HER ASS IN A CAMP! SORRY, AUNT JULIE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED HIM DRUMPF ON FACEBOOK!
I kid, I kid (I think), moving on . . .
What are YOU grateful for this year?
I assume that most families ask each other this question during Thanksgiving dinner - I know mine does. So I posed this question to the community this week on X and felt like sharing some of your responses would be a nice way for all of us to celebrate together! This also is a convenient way to generate content for this blog based on your labor! Less writing for me! I am grateful for that!
Very wholesome.
Who, me? Awww, shucks.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thankful for this as well - and not necessarily even because of Trump. No, I like that despite being subjected to 8 years of non-stop media propaganda, a pandemic, lawfare, and every trick in the book, America proved it was still the most based country in the world. We spit in the face of the regime and elected a man they told us was Hitler - not because we believed him to be, but because we were rejecting them and their toxic institutional Marxism.
At a minimum, I view this as the FIRST time any of these fucking tyrants faced consequences for what they did to all of us during COVID. I'm still not over what they did to my children and your children and you.
That can never happen again, this election result is hopefully a first step towards ensuring that it never does.
We love Dot and her husband and are thankful for her courage and the wisdom of the doctors who helped her conquer this treacherous plague.
Ah, yes, Rep. Boebert, our reigning MOTY Champion. How could we be anything other than thankful for her? We wish she'd let us send her official 2023 MOTY Award Winner Hat/Shirt combo!
There are only mere weeks remaining to her reign as Champion! The 2024 MOTY Awards will be announced on December 31st!
This is a fascinating way to show appreciation for one's significant other - with insanely detailed knowledge of her breast size fluctuations. It's almost as if he's been taking measurements and documenting them in his journal.
Cy is a true Calcium Connosieur. Very wholesome, if not a bit braggadocious.
Men showing appreciation for their wives is always a good thing. I bet her apple pie is delicious! And like Cy, I believe that Mr. Thompson is also bragging about the size of his wife's breasts, which, you know, is quite a flex.
Yes, yes, I've written about this before!
Sydney Sweeney, naturally.
Big ol' honkin' tiddies, naturally.
BBMs, naturally.
Lots of people seem thankful for large breasts this year . . . it's almost like a certain website helped shepherd in an era where the most feminine of feminine attributes are finally getting the respect they deserve?!
We saved the West. You're welcome, America. You're welcome, world.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Nothing’s Fishy; and Happy Thanksgiving to All!
A heartwarming message from the boys over at TOM:
"Despite the fact that not all our offspring will be here for Thanksgiving this year, we are nonetheless grateful for the many blessings we do enjoy. And we will try not to grumble about such misfortunes as today’s pro football schedule, with the NFL serving up such turkeys as the Giants versus the Cowboys. We understand that the league officials in charge of scheduling could not have predicted how bad those teams would be. The Cowboys were coming off a 13-win season last year, but now they’ve completely collapsed and the Giants are so awful they cut their former “franchise” quarterback and will now be starting Tommy DeVito.
Probably most readers don’t care about the NFL, and you came here expecting some kind of political commentary. Well, how about Kamala as your alcoholic aunt rambling incoherently at Thanksgiving?"
This video was bizarre. It starts almost mid-statement like maybe this was a longer clip that was edited down or something? No intro, no outro, no graphics, just this strange segment posted on a random Tuesday for no reason.
She also seems drunk. Not "Haha, I'm a Republican and Kamala looks drunk" but like "No, this woman looks like she's actually drunk". Why even post this? Was this a message that encouraged or inspired any libtards? Even I don't think they're that pathetic. This almost feels like sabotage. Oh well.
Getting High on X
Elon Musk called Vindman a traitor and suggested he be punished accordingly.
ForestMommy was showing off again.
AmericanBarbie was too.
People want Nero to start taking drugs.
Izaboo, a Packer-backer, enjoys my suffering as a Bears fan.
Krissa has a fascinating vision for the future of America.
Allen Covert liked our documentary on The First Thanksgiving.
Penny is psychotic and hates turkey.
Siraj accurately explained the Pete Hegseth allegations with a meme.
I am not "TiddyDaddy69" nor do I run any website named "tiddy.com".
Sports! Sports! Sports!
THANKSGIVING BIG TDs FOOTBALL BLOG:
Lions 23, Bears 20
Matt Eberflus is a fucking retard. And I don't mean figuratively - this man should not be able to have a driver's license. I do not think he can consent to having sexual intercourse and I assume his shoes are of the velcro variety. He's retarded.
The Bears had one timeout and had the ball on the Lions' 25-yard line with 43 seconds left on the clock, but somehow didn't even attempt a game-tying field goal. Caleb Williams took a sack on second down, pushing the ball back to the 32-yard-line, with 35 seconds left and the clock running and a timeout in their back pocket, the Bears . . . let the clock run down to 6 seconds before calling the final play of the game - a pass that fell incomplete. The Bears ended the game with a timeout that they never used. Unmatched levels of retard.
There are only a few teams in the league that could manage to fail in such glorious fashion. Sadly, the Bears are one of them, but I am not sad that they lost because Matt Eberflus is a fucking retard and another inexcusable loss helps ensure that he will be fired.
Plus, Caleb Williams played well! That's all I care about and all that matters this season! Listen, I get that he's effeminate and cocky and that the majority of the country wants him to suck. If I was not a Bears fan, I would be right there with you! But I am a Bears fan and I hate to break it to you - he doesn't suck, he's pretty good actually, and only getting better.
Williams has been overcoming adversity this whole season. He's playing behind a bad offensive line that is not bad and severely injured. The Bears have no running game and have been playing from behind in almost every game this season - allowing opposing defenses to pin their ears back and pass rush on every drive. This has led to Williams being sacked a league-worst 49 times. Oh, and his head coach is fucking retarded. A literal fucking retard coaches the Chicago Bears.
In this game, Williams went 5 for 15 in the first half but went 15 for 21, 222 yards, and three TDs in the second half. He started the final drive of the game on his 1-yard line and drove the offense into field goal range. That's the 4th time during the Bears' current SIX GAME LOSING STREAK that Caleb Williams has led his team on game-winning / game-tying drives (the Bears lost all four).
On the season Williams has completed 61.6% of his passes for 2,612 yards, 14 TDs, 5 INTs, and an 86.1 passer rating. I know you want him to suck, but he doesn't, and while this game made me want to blow my fucking brains out . . . I am somewhat hopeful that the Bears might have found a franchise QB.
Fun Fact: 221 coaches have had 20+ career games decided by one score or less and Matt Eberflus' .227 win percentage in those games (5-17) ranks dead last.
Fun Fact Duex: Caleb Williams now has the most passing TDs in franchise history among rookies and he just set the rookie record for most consecutive pass attempts without an INT (212).
Fun Fact Trois: Matt Eberflus is so stupid he thinks a quarterback is a refund.
Cowboys 27, Giants 20
What is there to say about two teams that entered today's game with 6 total wins and starting Drew Lock and Cooper Rush at quarterback?
Does anything need to be said? Their uniforms looked slick. Cowboys-Giants is a great uniform matchup. Oh, and this pick-six was cool:
Yep, there you go.
Packers 30, Dolphins 17
The Dolphins forced a punt on the first drive of the game and then proceeded to muff the punt and give the Packers the ball on the 9-yard line.
Green Bay scored 3 plays later and the game was basically over.
It would be nice if teams (like the Bears) didn't gift these Cheese Curd Eating Communist Cunts easy wins. I counted 2 or 3 dropped interceptions on Jordan Love too. That guy sucks. I hate him. He's ugly and looks like he has a TERRIBLE case of gingivitis. I bet his breath smells like Mike McCarthy's desk chair (his desk chair smells like rancid ass due to all of his coffee farts).
You know who else I don't like? Josh Jacobs - I drafted him in the first or second round of my fantasy team last year and he fucking SUCKED! This year, he goes to Green Bay and he's done nothing but score touchdowns. HE HAS EIGHT THIS YEAR! He only had 6 last season on 865 yards rushing. This year he ranks third in the league in rushing. Fuck that guy. Fuck the Packers and fuck all of my in-laws from Wisconsin who texted me after the Bears lost today.
Oh, and sorry Dolphin fans, your team is officially fucked for the season.
Fun Fact: Jordan Love's breath is so bad that when gives his coach a blow job, Matt LaFleur is the one that gags! ZING!
Bill Belichick: MOTY Contestant?
Bill Belichick is such an Alpha Male that he might just win Milkers of the Year.
I know, I know, I did not see this coming! I do not like biological males invading female spaces, but just look at them! They're dense, shapely, and intoxicating to look upon! Bountiful Bouys of Belichick Supremacy!
This man revolutionized football and now he's changing the way we look at human breasts. THERE IS NOTHING HE CANNOT DO!
Seriously, though, please get this man back on an NFL sideline. I hate seeing him become a meme that's not some version of "evil genius plotting to circumvent rules and destroy his opponents". We need Bill Belichick in the NFL and STAT!
I cannot wait until the Bears refuse to even interview him this offseason because they're afraid he'll be too mean and call them all retards (deservedly so).
Moving on.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
Upon closer inspection, that does appear to be Josie Canseco wearing a "stunning two-piece dress", but did it cause fans to go "bonkers"? For that, we will need to go to the comments to find out!
Borderboy_riotcity513 seemed to think Josie (who dated Johnny Manziel?) looked stunning, posting "Your (sic) perfect 😍😍😍" in the comment section of Josie's post.
Meanwhile, mdill3 dropped a reply that referencing Josie's father, Jose Canseco, creepily stating "Wow, amazing something so beautiful could come from the HR king" (Flappr Fact Check: Jose Canseco ranks 38th all-time with 462 HRs).
And finally, pshik_seen_screen just replied "Hubb hubb hubba hubba 🔥🙌🔥".
So, yeah, I suppose Josie Canseco did drive fans "bonkers" with her "two-piece red dress" and this is a literal BSO headline. Well done, gents.
Meme of the Week!
This week's winner is none other than Flappr's Big Juicy Booty of the Year Award author, @assliken for this ethnic accent mocking meme.
I know it's not nice to mock people for speaking in broken English, but it's funny. I'm sorry, but it's funny. It's always funny and mocking people for butchering your native tongue is not unique to America. Go to Paris sometime and ask them where you can find the nearest McDonald's in French and absorb the looks they give you. Order a "quesa-dilla" at a Mexican restaurant and make sure to tell them "grassy-ass" when the waiter brings it to your table - trust me, the staff is "jajajaja-ing" their asses off in the kitchen at you.
Yes, it's insulting. Yes, it's just a joke. No, it's not cruel. Yes, Kamala did adopt a new accent each time she spoke in front of a different ethnic/socio-economic group. That's why this won this week's award.
I reached out to @assliken for comment on this week's meme of the week and here's what he shared with me for publication.
Ha. ha. ha. Real funny, asshole! This is meaner than the ching-chong meme!
I am thankful for a Lions win.
Mike McDaniel could also be mentally challenged. He hasn’t been able to beat a winning team except for once in the past 17 meetings.