As the old proverb warns, it's all fun and games until someone breaks their dick off.
This sage advice would've come in handy for Isabella and Rob in a couple from Liverpool, England whose vigorous intercourse resulted in a trip to the hospital for a shattered shlong.
According to Isabella, the couple decided celebrate their third anniversary by having a good, old-fashioned, fuck-fest in a rented cabin in the country.
In anticipation of a debauchery-fueled weekend, Rob, who like Joseph Y. Biden works as a rental car manager, decided to pop some Viagra to help ensure his Bald-Headed Butler was up to the challenge.
Things were going as planned until Isabella "jumped" on Rob's One-Eyed Monster and well . . . I'll let Isabella explained what happened next?
According to the New York Post:
“It was mortifying when they arrived. In all the drama, we’d forgotten to hide all the sex toys, whips and chains.
She heard a crack and saw "lots of blood"?
What the hell does she have between her legs, a meat pleaser or a meat grinder? It's difficult to even imagine the scene in that bedroom that led to a fractured Family-Flute.
I'll give it a shot though, because I'm weird like that.
*very thick British accents*
"Ey, Izzzzzy, you ready for another roll in the hay"
"Oyyy, Rob, trow me up in da swing and let me plop down on that tumescent man-missile!"
"Oyyyyyyy, Izzy, com 'ver ere, you know just what to say to make me trouser trout harder than Chinese algebra!"
"'e're I come, Rob"
This is what I warned you about in my controversial blog, The Sexpert Fallacies. People are so inundated with deviant sex advice these days that they believe they're missing out on something if they're not indulging in overly kinky, wild and destructive sex.
You don't need to break your dick off in order to get your rocks off.
So the next time you decide to slide it in while skiing down the slopes is Switzerland, just remember - you might end up breaking your Baloney Pony and having to explain to an ER nurse why your Muff Marauder currently rests at a 90 degree angle.
Be safe out there. Get well soon, Rob.
Happy Wednesday and God Bless America.