Merriam Webster defines "Pull a Boner " as Make a blunder, as in I pulled an awful boner when I mentioned his ex-wife. This expression is derived from the noun bonehead, for “blockhead” or “stupid person.” [Slang; early 1900s]
Flappr is proud to present the Anthony D. Weiner Memorial Boner of the Year Award. The award itself is dedicated to the memory of one of the biggest boners in modern history (not really that big, tbh), Anthony David Weiner.
Mr. Weiner's trailblazing horniess was an inspiration to extremely horny men everywhere and he pulled such a boner (not really that big, tbh) that he brought down his own political aspirations along with those of Hillary Clinton as well.
There may be no bigger boner (again, not really that big, tbh) than Anthony Weiner - thus his name adorns this prestigious award.
Now onto this year's nominees - and let me tell you - this was a strong field.
Rudy Gobert, for example. When a pandemic is raging across the globe and dominating headlines, the 27 year old Utah Jazz player thought it would be funny to make light of the global panic by licking a microphone during a press conference. Later in the week Gobert tested positive for COVID19WuhanChinaFlu and the NBA immediately suspended their season.
In September, while holding a press conference with Nancy Pelosi, New Jersey Democrat Jerry Nadler shit his pants right there in front of everyone. Jerry very slowly and carefully shuffled his feet to move him away from the spotlight while also attempting to keep his crisis contained in his tighty whiteys.
Eric Swalwell’s boner didn’t happen in 2020, but we all learned about it in 2020 therefore making it eligible for consideration. Our favorite dork developed yellow fever and got himself some red sun. Unfortunately for him, he was banging a Chinese spy who was milking him for information. She must have really put that thing on him good because he even allowed her to place an intern in his office.
Like Swalwell, the next boner didn’t happen in 2020, but news of the boner broke in 2020. This boner is Robert Hunter Biden’s laptop. For one reason or another, Hunter Biden’s personal laptop ended up at a computer repair shop in Delaware and nobody went back for it. The computer contained photos and videos of sex and hardcore drugs. It also contained emails that showed us how Hunter and “the big guy” conducted deals abroad. The left didn’t know how to respond, so they (along with a compliant media’s help) tried to kill the story like they killed Seth Rich. Yeah, I said it.
A recent and still developing boner centers around Alec Baldwin’s wife, Hilaria. In a bid to seem more exotic (less white) among her Manhattan socialite friends, Hillary from Massachusetts got caught trying to pass herself off as Hilaria from Spain. Conservative commentator Stephen Miller pointed out that as a woman from Massachusetts lying about her ethnicity, ‘Hilaria’ is qualified to run for Senate now.
These boners of 2020 were fun to watch unfold, but none of them can stand up to the winner.
The winner of Flappr’s Anthony D. Weiner Memorial Boner of the Year Award goes to none other than Jeffrey Ross Toobin. While on a Zoom call with members of New Yorker Magazine and WNYC radio, Toobin accidentally broadcast himself strangling the cyclops. At first I thought the story was a joke, a bad rumor. Then reputable news outlets started reporting that it was true. One article showed some of the women who were on this Zoom call, and they were clearly granola eating lesbians who have never had an interest in watching a man explore his body. The New Yorker has since fired Toobin and his future with CNN remains uncertain.
To quote the old timers back in West Virginia, “that fellar done shit in his dinner bucket.”
Congratulations to the winner and the nominees. I know they’ll never forget this honor.