It has been almost one year to the day since I last published a blog on the digital pages of Flappr.net and, ironically enough, it was my Song of the Year award post.
During my hiatus, Flappr emerged as one of the leading smut blogs on the internet (Editor's Note: We are NOT a smut blog). As a top smut blog, it seems fitting that we hand out an award for the most amazing, eye-popping, tongue-wagging mommy milkers of 2021!
Now before I hand out the award, I want to pay homage to some of the most supreme swag-bags that fell slightly short of the top prize.
Honorable Mention #1: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Her politics are vile.
She is dumb as a brick.
She makes a fool of herself every time she fires up Instagram Live (though yields incredible meme material).
But hooooooo boy, AOC is packing some serious socialist sweater globes!
When it comes to AOC, I think the great philosopher, Silvio Dante said it best:
Honorable Mention #2: Jen Psaki
They say gingers have no souls, and given Psaki's daily pressers and presence in this soul-less administration, I would have to say we finally have proof of that theory.
But credit where credit is due - the Psaki Bombs are legit, our red-headed propagator of progressive propaganda is packing two pillowy pyramids of persuasion.
Dishonorable Mention: Nancy Pelosi
Now that you all have the mental image going, I will spare subjecting you all to an actual image of the pendulous papayas sitting atop the chest of the 168-year-old Speaker of the House, who was first elected to Congress during the Rutherford B Hayes administration.
Or was it James Garfield? Who can even remember at this point?
Pelosi was actually nominated by Flappr's very own Stacey Shepard (@nonpromqueen). The quote that sold me - "They're huge, they have to drop past her belly button by now!" Yikes.
Ok, I lied - get a load of these knee knockers, her brassiere must be lined with rebar to keep those bronze-age fun bags afloat:
Runner Up: Abby Shapiro
A long-time fan favorite in some circles, Abby is relatively unknown in others.
She is the sister of conservative pundit Ben Shapiro, who is perhaps best known for winning Flappr's Song of the Year Award in 2020 for his infamous rendition of 'Wet Ass Pussy (WAP)'.
Abby does bear an unmistakable resemblance to her brother... but only from the neck up!
Now, before you get all huffy about how I am "objectifying" this beautiful woman, I must share that Abby seems like a genuinely good and decent human being who is much more than the sum of her. . . parts. We appreciate what she does to promote conservative causes, we enjoy her open appreciation of a traditional lifestyle and the way she makes libs big mad on Twitter:
Moreover, we're happy for Abby and her husband as they prepare to welcome their first child into the world. Now, with that being said, we had to dock Ms. Shapiro a few points as her mommy milkers are currently enhanced by her pregnancy.
If her nourishment-filled knockers had not been loaded with performance-enhancing pregnancy hormones (or PEDoubleDs, if you will), she might have taken the top prize. Alas, she will have to settle for taking second place and a special place in our hearts.
Now for the winner.
Maestro . . . . drumroll please:
I am proud (actually, the opposite of proud) to award the 2021 Flappr Milkers of the Year Award Winner to...
Ghislaine Maxwell!
Is this one going to be controversial? Oh yeah.
But topical, timely, and a no-brainer if you ask me!
The Maxwell trial (which ended on Wednesday with 5 out of 6 guilty verdicts), was kept under wraps by our corporate media, but it did produce a pair of bombshells...and they both belonged to the defendant.
At the start of the trial, a photo of Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile sidekick and Steve Jobs' widow began circulating on Twitter and this pic proved to be the award winner.
*enhance*
Now, Ghislane might have a butterface and the same moral sensibilities as the Taliban, but she has two unmatched mounds of misbehavin' man pleasers that cannot be ignored.
What a waste! Why would those, I mean she, choose a life of utter evil that will surely land her in hell with her friend Jeffrey Epstein, Hitler, and nearly every member of the Kennedy family?
She could have run the world with those things leading the way. Thankfully, however, she and her bountiful offerings will spend the next 20, 30, 40(?) years in prison for her heinous crimes (or until she commits suicide at the hands of Hillary Clinton).
To be clear, this award is NOT an endorsement of Ghislaine Maxwell's sick behavior, for which she was found rightly guilty in a court of law.
But this award is not for the recipient's humanitarian efforts, it is bestowed based only on the enormity, girth, and shape of one's milkers.
Alas, the monstrous Maxwell mammaries left us with no choice but to abide by our code of ethics and give her the award, despite our condemnation of her crimes.
We repeat this is only an endorsement of her bodacious bazookas.
So congrats, to Ghislane Maxwell, our 2021 Milkers Of The Year Award winner. We will send your award to Leavenworth.
It's great to be back. And as always, the best is yet to come.
-JAC