• Nero

Why You Should Always Bring a Hooker to a Wedding

The passive aggressiveness on Twitter is getting out of control. Earlier today Rick Wilson sent this tweet, posting a screenshot because odds are some of you have been blocked, that is clearly a subtweet directed at me.

Don't be selfish bring at least three hookers. The more the merrier

Rick has a lot of nerve just throwing this tweet out there like that. First of all it was three hookers not one. I mean I am a classy man after all and it would be rude to bring just one. Think about how boring weddings are. Sure you might get the one fun wine aunt giving lap dances during the Cha Cha Slide but other than that they are fucking lame. Well if they have an open bar at the wedding it’s not totally lame but what goes better with an open bar than some hookers? Nothing that’s what.


Hookers are basically brand ambassadors for Cocaine Mitch's Special Reserve

Also do not for one minute discount the positive influence hookers can have on bridesmaids. One group visit to the ladies room with a hooker and those bridesmaids will be lit up on the finest powder Cocaine Mitch can provide. Nothing says a fun party like a group of women who have been holding in their hostility over not being the one getting married combined with an open bar and cocaine.


With the right combination of jealousy, cocaine, and free liquor a full on lap dance competition will break out on the dance floor the minute the DJ presses play on “I Will Survive”. The single wedding guests and couples that have been married for sometime and are looking to spice things up will be extremely thankful you brought hookers to the wedding at this point.


So now you are probably asking yourself why is Rick Wilson acting like a tough guy and trying to claim that bringing a hooker to a wedding is a bad thing? Well the truth is that Rick Wilson is the kind of guy that no amount of free booze and cocaine can make attractive to women. Any hooker of quality prices herself out of his budget. Rick Wilson is the kind of guy who no woman without a severe meth addiction would even think of touching. Which pretty much goes for the entire Lincoln Project now that I think about it. Which kind of explains the whole thing doesn't it.


There is no amount of money that would make any self respecting woman even give one of these assholes a handy jay


THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU COMMENT

  • Facebook
  • Instagram

©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib