I Guess I'm Gutter Shit?

One of the perks of being (more or less) wholly irrelevant in the grand scheme of internet discourse is that we don't get a lot of hate mail.


Sure, we get a little hate every now and then - but typically, when someone decides to shoot us a DM, it's very pleasant. It's usually one of our hardcore followers (maybe you!), sending us a funny tweet, or a meme, or a video of a woman with massive breasts because all of you assume we're unrepentant degenerates.


Sometimes you nice people shoot us a message complimenting the Good Thing, Bad Thing documentary videos we made for your enjoyment! We like those the best!


It's not usually hate messages, though. And yet, early this morning someone crawled out from under their cum crusted pit of woe and dropped this doozy in our DMs:

"Youre (sic) a piece of gutter shit."


I'm not sure what prompted this message. I suppose we do post some spicy things on Twitter. We do post things that are provocative and may upset certain groups that struggle with humor.


Still, I just don't understand the mindset behind sending a message like this one. This applies to anyone, on any side of the cultural wars that are waged on Twitter. Why would you "hope" terrible things happen to people I'm close with? What do they have to do with any of this?


Was the purpose to try and make me feel bad? If that was the case, then the author failed. In fact, I got free content out of this message. Check mate, Libtaxd!


Moreover, what exactly is "gutter shit"?


Is it somehow different than excrement evacuated into a toilet? Is it worse? Is it better?


Is it a particularly smelly turd?


Maybe gutter shit is a BM that is expelled by a opioid addict? Now opioid addict poop is unique poop, as the drug slows down the movement of stool through your bowels. The result is often a painful, sometimes lethal, expelling of dehydrated feculence through the anus. It probably smells, truly, truly, awful.


If they really wanted to insult us. . . they should've called us a "dry heroin shit".


Frankly, "gutter shit" doesn't even make sense. According to Google, a gutter is a "shallow trough fixed beneath the edge of a roof for carrying off rainwater."


What shits on a roof? Are they calling us "bird shit?" That might make sense since Flappr's logo is a bird, but bird shit is small, fairly odorless and rarely more than a minor nuisance. Not a huge burn, if I'm being honest. Squirrels climb on roofs, maybe they're calling us squirrel shit? Squirrel shit is presumably consists of acorns and other type of tree nuts, so maybe they're calling us "nutty" or "crazy". If that's the case, then well. . . guilty as charged. We do some wild stuff around here so "nutty" is an apt descriptor.


We're still not offended, though.


No, perhaps the only way this makes any sense is if the insulting party intended "gutter shit" to mean feces that originated from a homeless opioid addict, that somehow gained access to a ladder, (let's be honest, he stole it) climbed on top of a roof and managed to discharge a massive dry, chalky, drug riddled shit into the gutter. A shit so massive that plugged up the down spout, causing rain water to fill the gutter and create a shit-laden stew atop the roof.


Stink lines added for comedic effect.

The resulting kombucha style shit-brew would be so malodorous that our house would be borderline condemnable by local authorities. Imagine having to unclog the unholy mess. . . unfathomable misery.


So "dry heroin gutter shit", now THAT is an insult.


Anyways, I hope the people reading this got a laugh or two. I also hope that you don't send hateful, menacing or threatening to DMs to people or in their replies or in real life. It's weird and shitty behavior.


I know that omnipresent insane takes on Twitter can feel overwhelming and bring the worst out of people sometimes, but there is truth in "being better" than those you view as your adversaries.


Don't let them turn you cynical. Don't let them turn you into "dry heroin gutter shit". Don't let them win.


Happy Tuesday and God Bless America.


THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU COMMENT