As the purveyor of a website that occasionally publishes s̶m̶u̶t̶ romantic adventure novels, I was stunned to learn that Stacey Abrams, the self-proclaimed Governor of Georgia, used to dabble in e̶r̶o̶t̶i̶c̶ romantic fiction herself.
In fact, according to the NYTimes, a new publisher is reissuing three of Abrams' books, "which were written under the pen name Selena Montgomery and have long been out of print."
Apparently, knowledge of Stacey Abrams' smut writing endeavors has been known for awhile and I'm just learning of this now. . . hmph.
I guess I have to see what these books are about, right? It's kind of my duty, given what we OCCASSIONALLY do here as satire, right?
All right, fuck it - let's check out some excerpts originally posted by The Federalist from a heroine named Emily Jashinsky who bravely skimmed some of Abrams' novel at the time back in 2018:
From Hidden Sins (2006):
Watch me love you, he commanded silently. Know that I will always be a part of you. By design, he flowed over every inch of gossamer skin in voracious, tender assault. By turns he stole at her soul, destroying her with a generosity she scarcely understood. . . . When he could take no more, when she tasted of him, he slid inside in a long, endless thrust that shattered them both. Sighs and pleas and moans mingled in enthralled chorus. Before they were ready, too steeped in the passion of tenderness to stop the night, oblivion broke over them, around them, through them. Limbs entwined, hearts beating in wondered unison, Ethan wrapped her to him and, at last, they slept.
Hmph. This isn't TERRRRRIBLE, there is some merit to the writing, but it's flowery suburban wine-mom shit for sure. I mean, what's the point of writing about your characters bumping nasties if you're not willing to share some details of the act itself?
And what's this "watch me love you, he commanded silently" bullshit? Who says that? This Ethan character sounds like a real fucking creep. "Know that I will always be a part of you" sounds like something a serial killer would say before he repurposes your skin for a new pair of culottes.
Ethan?
From Deception (2009):
She propped herself up, gave herself the satisfaction of studying him. Such a beautiful man. Lean, muscular, and amazingly agile. Twice more, he’d driven her to madness, pleasured her into a torrent of release. And she’d returned the favor; his fevered groans and inventive suggestions still rang against her overly sensitized flesh. The last one had nearly toppled them off the bed.
*Yawn*
This is the smut equivalent of a Hallmark Channel movie.
In fact, didn't Hallmark Channel make a movie just like this one? Something like Christmas almost ruined by a cold hearted corporate type (probably played by Dean Cain) who wants to force all of his employees to work on Christmas Eve, but then things are saved when he discovers one of his employees - a smoking hot single mother (probably played by Lacey Chabert) - is really amazing and has a great son, who needs a father figure, so the guy pleasures her into a torrent of release, they fall in love, something happens to break them apart (maybe he pleasures a bitchy, mean-girl character into a torrent of release and the single mom finds out) but the dude realizes that the single mom is the best, he decides that Christmas is great, he pulls off some great holiday themed gesture (like maybe he dresses up as Santa and gives out gifts to the community center where the single mom brings her kid on Christmas, because they're poor and can't afford stuff) and then the two main characters kiss and the movie ends with a shot of everyone celebrating on Christmas morning?
Oh wait, does that only exist in my head? They should totally start Hallmark After Dark and make that movie . . . just sayin.
From Secrets and Lies (2006):
‘This isn’t right. You don’t know what you want. What you need. I can’t take advantage of that. I won’t—’ She cut off his denial. ‘No, I’ve never been with anyone before. Because I’ve never wanted anyone before.’ ‘Which is why this is a mistake. You need time. More time.’ His appeal was desperate. ‘Stay, and I may never let you go.’ ‘I’m yours.’ The words were erotic threat, voluptuous promise. Erin watched him with glittering eyes, waiting for his reaction. Dragging her up, he fused his mouth to hers. Inside, his tongue streaked over and under, drew out ragged moans of pleasure. Their lips mated, parted, sampled. He bound her to him, and he plunged and devoured. Undaunted, she slid her arms around the hardened body and consumed. He tasted and grew impossibly hungry. He feasted and demanded more.
Ok, I don't mean to cast aspersions, but adult virgin woman begging a dude to bang her. . . . sounds like . . . someone is trying to tell us something.
I'll let you figure out what I am alluding to here, but that passage seems . . . personal . . . like someone didn't lose their virginity until a little bit later than other people in her group of friends. . . . maybe she fantasized about what it would be like. . . . and wrote out how she thought that special night would go down . . . in a book or something.
So, based on the extremely small sample size of what I've read so far - it seems that Abrams wrote soft-soft-soft-soft-core romance novels and she is going to cash in a bit, given her new found fame.
Good for her, her politics still suck.
Who knows, maybe I'll have to buy a copy of one of these books and give it the review it deserves.
May God have mercy on my soul. . .
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