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Why Are People Saying I'm Goth?

I'm not goth.

So why are people online, many of them current or former contributors to THIS website, calling me goth?

I don't get it, but it more or less started last Friday, during our customary "Flappr Week in Review" thread on Twitter. In this thread, I post all of the blogs from the week that was and cap things off with a "hey go follow some of these great people!" tweet. It's designed to help promote our blogs, the people who write them and some of the people who help support our little community (that doesn't sound like a very goth-like thing to me, just sayin').

It's a nice thing, so how did it end up as "hey everyone, call Bart goth"?

I'm not sure (since I'm not goth), but here is how it went down:

What does this even mean? I don't look like that in real life. I don't even look like that in my profile photo on Twitter! I didn't get it, but this set off what can only be categorized as an online smear campaign against me:

No, that's not me.

Nope, I'm not goth.

I do NOT dance like this. . . I don't dance at all!

Actually, I DON'T have a "sicc" trench coat collection. I don't even own a single one!

No, "Goth Bart" is not back, because Goth Bart doesn't exist and never existed because I'm not goth. In fact, would a "goth" person participate in this game with his own good natured, self-effacing, meme? I think not:

Seriously, though . . . what evidence exists that I'm goth? What, because I post things like this on Mondays?

Who likes Mondays? Hating Mondays doesn't mean I'm goth, it just means I'm a normal human being who hates the most universally hated day of the week. That's some weak sauce.

Am I goth because I lament the failures of the Chicago Bears?

Seriously, you try being a Bears fan and see how you cope with the unrelenting disappointment every season brings. You try rooting for a team that has never had a modern age franchise quarterback, while your rivals have enjoyed back-to-back hall of fame players taking snaps for them.

Seriously, if you're not me, you don't get it and you WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!

Am I goth because I occasionally stare out the window when it's raining, watch the raindrop pool and cascade down the drain and ponder the pointlessness of everything? I mean, sure you can say that's "goth" or whatever, but that's also just like more proof that everything is hopeless and nobody will ever be able to empathize with my never internal turmoil over being misunderstood by everyone.

Whatever, I am going to light some candles, turn on some My Chemical Romance, close my eyes and silently lip-synch the words to "Welcome To The Black Parade".

You guys stink. I am not goth, stop saying that about me. It hurts my feelings.

Have a whatever Monday. God Bless America.


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