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Stop Making My Husband Write Your Obnoxious Filth

To whom it may concern,

My name is Gladys O’Flannery. It has come to my attention that my husband, James, has been contributing editorials to your web-magazine for almost a year now. I don’t know how he kept this secret from me, but after noticing an unfinished article on his word processor program and confronting him about it, he has told me everything.

Now, there is nothing wrong with having a hobby. Before this, I would have been thrilled to learn he has found some way of staying productive during retirement. However, after perusing the Flapper web-page and reviewing its backlog, I was struck dumb with horror. I am beyond appalled at what I discovered.

One item in particular caught my attention, a work entitled Mask Me, Daddy. This work is quite simply pornographic and I cannot believe there is anything remotely like this on the internet. At the very least, it must surely violate any number of public obscenity laws. I am not exactly sure how much my husband had to do with it, but I am sure he got a kick out of it. Do not doubt that he is in big trouble.

While it is my wish that your web-magazine be completely scrubbed from the internet and that criminal charges be brought against you, I will say only this. Please do not encourage my husband to do any more writing for your publication.

James is a sick man and needs help.

I have tried my best, my whole life, to keep this ugly side of him from getting total control. You can imagine how painful it was for me to find you cheering him on. You can imagine how troubled I was that you find his personal demons “amusing” or “rad” or “cool”. Let me assure you they are not. They are self-destructive and offensive.

If your web-magazine had any decency, it would stick to traditional political commentary, or better yet, find some other, more rewarding topic.

Why not start a web-magazine focused on interesting recipes?

I think there would be a big market for that. Lots of people are always looking for some new dish to prepare in the hopes that it will become a “hit”. You could even spend a little time researching cuisines from different countries. There could be a “French Cuisine” issue with different sorts of pastries, or maybe an “Italian Cuisine” issue with different sorts of pastas. Or even one for more exotic cuisines like “Chinese”, “Indian”, or “Mexican”.

I could even be a featured author on this type of blog, I know countless recipes for each!

At least, I think that would do some good in the world. As it is, I don’t know what you’re trying to do. Who is your web-magazine even for? Who would read such obnoxious filth? Certainly not me. And not my husband either. His computer privileges have been revoked. I’ve already thrown it in the garbage. Don’t know why we even bought one in the first place.

In closing, please stay away from my husband and I. We are decent Midwestern people and do not care to fuss around with the sorts of things you do. Good day and, I hope, goodbye.


Gladys O’Flannery


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