(Editor's Note: Welcome to Earth-69, a parallel universe where Donald Trump was re-elected to a second term in office.)
This morning House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, followed through on her promise to present articles of impeachment against President Donald J. Trump after Trump ordered his CDC to sign an order extending a controversial moratorium that Trump originally instituted back in 2020.
"This president has no respect for the rule of law and no respect for the Constitution of the United States" Pelosi said prior to presenting the articles on the House Floor. "What Donald Trump did in signing this eviction moratorium, after the Supreme Court had previously ruled against him, is in direct violation of his oath of office and might constitute treason - which as you know, is punishable by death" Pelosi added.
Critics of Pelosi swiped back at the Speaker, saying that the President was exercising valid powers bestowed upon the Executive Branch and that Pelosi has made a mockery of impeachment.
"Listen, she impeached him immediately after his second inaugural for "rigging the election". She impeached him for allowing the FDA to grant emergency use authorization for the "Trump Vaccine". Now she's impeaching him for trying to keep people from living on the streets. It's remarkable how little this woman cares about constitutional norms." Said one GOP congressional staffer, speaking on the condition of anonymity.
President Trump, fresh off a successful withdrawal from Afghanistan back in May, appeared to be unfazed by Pelosi's announcement. "Listen, I just got off the phone with President Ghani, the Afghan government is doing huge things and Crazy Nancy is just - she's crazy. President Trump said, adding "That's what she is - a crazy, vengeful woman, who can't get enough of witch hunting. Do you remember 'Russia, Russia, Russia?" The president then pointed to a reporter from CNN and said dismissively "you probably don't because you're fake news."
When asked if this latest impeachment worried him, Trump responded with a grimace and shrugged, before departing on Air Force One to meet with his controversial nominees for the newly expanded Supreme Court, Diamond and Silk.
