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What if Sinema Had to Poo?

If you're a normal person and don't spend time online all day, you may have missed that crazy people followed Arizona Senator, Kyrsten Sinema, into a bathroom to protest amnesty for illegal immigrants or something:

These people are stupid and this is absurd behavior. It's also illegal in Arizona!

These people are stupid, this is absurd behavior and also the type of thing that gets generally ignored by our corporate media so long as the people engaging in such absurd and unconscionable behavior have the correct politics.

Imagine for a second that the woman filming Sinema in the bathroom was wearing a red hat and that hat had the words "Make America Great Again" emblazoned across the front and was confronting Sinema from a pro-life perspective - now imagine how the corporate media would be covering such an interaction.

My guess is that the words "rape", "treason" and "insurrection" would be used by media-types without much consideration for what those words actually mean.


But I digress, those topics are already discussed online by people more dignified than myself.

Instead, I'd like to focus on an issue that nobody seems concerned about - what if Sinema had to poo?

I mean, based on the limited time Sinema spent in the stall, I'm assuming this was a only pee-stop (it's possible that Sinema is some type of next level speed-shitter, but I have my doubts). And since it was pee-only, Sinema in and out of the bathroom pretty quickly, under a minute or so.

But what if it HADN'T been a pee-only stop? What if Sinema had gone to the washroom to drop the kids off at the pool, what then?

Is she supposed to sit there and have her morning constitutional with a person standing right outside the door, filming and yelling at her?

I mean, that's not cool. THAT'S NOT COOL AT ALL!

A person's time spent birthing a loaf is time that should remain private and without interruption. You shouldn't have to worry about the offensive smells coming from the stall just because some asshole thinks it's their opportunity for five minutes of fame.

Guess what, sometimes women poo (shocker) and their poo stinks!

Sometimes people can be self-conscious about having stinky bowel movements and Sinema could've been subjected to a scenario where she drops anchor and the whole room smelled like barn. That's embarrassing!

What, is she expected to give a courtesy flush for the benefit of people being so uncourteous?

Fuck that!

Alternate scenario - lets say that Sinema ate Chipotle the evening before, woke up feeling pretty decent but then felt sudden intestinal distress?

Such occasions often result in a swift liquidation of assets, typically accompanied by a vociferous offering to the porcelain throne.

Is it fair for some lunatic to follow Sinema into the bathroom and capture the corresponding groans, splashes and regret that comes with indulging on both black AND pinto beans in your burrito bowl?

NO, that's not cool! THAT'S NOT COOL AT ALL!

Final scenario for consideration - what if Sinema went in to the stall for a poo, saw that psychos had followed her into the bathroom and changed her plans to pee-only, to allow herself a quicker exit.

If that's the case, Sinema missed her prime poo-time and you can never recover from missing a poo. Your body knows when it's time to poo and if you miss that window, you're not releasing your pay load for the rest of the day.

Sinema likely spent the rest of her day suffering from a dull intestinal ache - caught somewhere in the middle between I have to shit and I know if I sit on the bowl, nothing is like to come out.

If you miss poo-time, you're most likely poo-stponed (get it?) until the following day. Unleashing a two-day pile up may cause straining, which caused one woman to lose ten-years of memories after a severe battle with a particularly stubborn sewer missile.

That's not cool and to me that sounds like TRUE domestic terrorism.

So to recap, leave people alone - yes, even reptilian U.S. Senators deserve a moment to use the washroom without someone screaming at them.

This shouldn't be something up for debate. Everyone desires a peaceful poo.

Happy Monday and God Bless America.


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