Today is Friday and Rome is burning while our nominal, demented, leader acts way too late on the baby formula shortage, our elected officials authorized FORTY BILLION DOLLARS in aid to Ukraine and our southern border continues to set new records in "migrant encounters" (234,088 in April, to be exact).
But if you're looking for more doom and gloom, you can go read The Washington Post, an outlet that employs T*ylor L*renz, a literal r-word, who recently published an "exclusive" which explained that ACTUALLY the decision to "pause" what many critics have called "The Ministry of Truth" was actually due to "far-right" influencers - not the fact that it was a horrible idea and terribly launched.
What a fucking loser.
Anyways, here at Flappr, we're intent on covering stories that uplift, stories that inspire, and stories that YOU care about. . . like the story of Cait, a 31-year-old MILF from Vancouver, Canada, who stormed out of her house on Wednesday to save her pet goose from a bald eagle (aka a normal weekday in Canada).
Oh and she was very topless and in the midst of breast feeding her 4 month old daughter when she leapt into action - almost left that part out.
No, seriously. . . watch:
First things first - I am a red-blooded, freedom-loving American and as such I am #TeamBaldEagle now and forever. There is definitely a part of me that was rooting for the bald eagle to rip that goose to shreds.
Second, having a pet goose has to be the most Canadian-fucking-thing I've ever heard (aside from Canadians preferring the doggy position during coitus to allow both parties to watch the hockey game).
These fucking Canucks and their Tim Horton's, geese and mooses (meese?) are just soooo fucking extra sometimes, you know? Be normal people, Canadians, buy a dog and leave the geese where they belong - living near big corporate campuses and/or condo complexes, where they shit all over the sidewalks.
Despite my disdain for Canada and Les Habitants thereof, I am a supporter of MILFs and consider myself to be #MILFSTRONG. So despite Cait's unwarranted attack upon my nation's national symbol - I very proud and impressed by her courage.
It takes a special woman to go tits out for the boys (err. . .geese) and Cait went full Niagra Nips to protect her pet goose, Franky.
I mean, just look at her!
Half-a-wedgie, her 4-month-old daughter mid-feeding, her Poutine Pontoons exposed and ready to punt that quarrelsome eagle from here to Manitoba.
What a woman!
When asked by Canada’s Chek News to explain the encounter, our Voluptuous Vancouverite offered this:
“I was in the middle of feeding her, so that’s why I didn’t have a shirt on and was kind of getting ready for the evening,” she recalled, laughing. “I just ran outside and when Mike [her husband] came out he was like, ‘you’re topless.’ And I’m like yeah, no, I’m very aware. Sorry neighbours.”
I'm going to ignore the dumb way that Canada spells "neighbors" and just say what needs to be said: This. is. heroism. This. woman. is. a. hero.
You can imagine the conversation that followed the video, right?
"Sorrey neighbours, had to fend off an eagle attack, again! Didn't mean to flash the neighbourhood, but was feedin' the babe and Mike was busy watchin' the Canucks! SORREY!"
I can't lie, I am pretty enamored with this Maple Milker'd MILF. You're a lucky man, Mike.
Fellas,,,, find you a woman who will give you a baby and protect your homestead without regard to the cloth on/off status of her Massive Molson Moo Moos.
In a world where people want to you to believe that men can have abortions and that the term "mother" must be replaced with "birthing person" for the sake of inclusivity - choose instead to be a badass mom who will do whatever/whenever to protect that and those she loves most.
Be a Cait - a woman who loves her family, her stupid fucking pet goose and embodies all of the virtues that make MILFs special and worthy of your celebration.
You can follow Franky the Goose on TikTok and Cait on Instagram - where she shares content on normalizing motherhood, like this:
We salute you, Cait. We salute MILFs everywhere. We will stand with you. We will be #MILFStrong
Happy Friday, Cloth Off and God Bless America.