If I have repeatedly made one simple request of this internet publication, it is this: DO NOT refer to me as “Professor Jimbo”. My name is James O’Flannery. You may call me Professor O’Flannery, or at minimum, Mr O’Flannery, and nothing else.
Now, it is true that my grandson – who assists me with the technical aspects of my columns – will sometimes insert “Professor Jimbo” into my work, just for kicks. He is being dealt with as we speak. But as for the rest of you: Stop calling me by that name. I DO NOT like that name. It is like a slap across the face every time I read it.
With all that said, there is another Professor Jimbo on the internet and it infuriates me beyond belief. Who might this imposter Professor Jimbo be? So glad you asked. He is, in fact, this total prick:
How dare this man steal my name! I have been known as Professor Jimbo for fifty goddamn years! It doesn’t matter whether it was against my wishes or not – that’s entirely beside the point! The point is you just can’t waltz in here with your fruity little credentials and steal my goddamn name! What kind of balderdash is that?
I demand he cease and desist at once. If any in the readership knows the number for the cyber police, I’d be most obliged if you could send it to me in electronic form. He must either pull all identifying materials off the internet, or he must change his name to something else, possibly Masahito Johnson (or whatever). I frankly don’t much care what it is, but this outrage cannot stand!
Of course, if the cyber police prove reluctant to take action, then I hope the readership is mature enough NOT to repeatedly call this man’s office and ask if the refrigerator is running. Yes, I trust that no subscribers would EVER do such things as, say, send him a dead racoon in the mail. No, no, you youngsters are far too “nice” and “mild-mannered” and “goody-two-shoes” to do anything like that.
In the meantime, I’m on to you Masahito Jimbo. I’ll be watching your every move. And if you slip up – just once! – then it’s curtains for you, pal. That’s it. Consider yourself warned.
(The “Original” Professor Jimbo)
P.S. I’ll be returning to my regularly scheduled GTBT and Octo-Review columns after a brief hiatus to deal with… family matters…