• Prof. James O'Flannery

Kraving Kavanaugh (Woke FanFic)

Note: I ran across some “woke” fan-fiction the other day, and boy, was it something. I thought I’d take a crack at it myself, since there’s gotta be a way to monetize this stuff. Tell me what you think!



Hi.

My name is Amelia Susan Macklemore-Dupree. People usually call me Mia. I was named after both Susan B. Anthony and Amelia Earhart because they are feminist icons. I have two last names because I have two mothers. They are lesbians who loved each other so much they were able to conceive a child without any interference from a male – Yes, it is scientifically possible, look it up.


They raised me in an amazing neighborhood which was also very diverse. I still have many friends who are BIPOC or LGBTQ+. Even though I am a white girl, I was accepted, despite my cis-normative heterosexual white privilege, which I still have, even though my moms are lesbians.


On the day this story begins, I was still a virgin because all of the boys in my school were awful horrible misogynists and racists – just like the boys from Covington – who liked to rape girls and constantly got away with it, even in my super-diverse and really cool school, where they taught us about equity and important stuff like that.


But I was sad because I was a virgin and really wanted a BIPOC boyfriend, since it would be a good way to use some of my white privilege. There was only one BIPOC boy at our school. His name was Ethan and he had special needs and was also in a wheelchair, which made me really want to be his friend. But I couldn’t lose my virginity to him, since I loved him so much (as a friend) that it would just be wrong (since we were just friends).


After school, I went to college and law school and got my degrees. I graduated top of my class, because I am also very smart and read a lot, especially law books, but some times (I admit) vampire novels. But only on weekends, okay!


I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do after that, but then – after Drumpf was defeated by 99 million votes – I was elected to the Supreme Court, replacing the awesome RGB. I shattered the glass ceiling of being the youngest woman ever elected to the Supreme Court. I was 21 years old, about 5’5’’, cute, with very perky boobs under my robes. I also had a very tight butt because I work out.


But even though I was very pretty, with a nice face and great hair and super-cute body, I still felt ugly because I was a virgin. Sometimes I cut myself. I almost died. I didn’t tell anyone though, even though I was a great Supreme Court Justice and friends with AOC and important women like her.


After a long day in the Supreme Court Building, where we decided many things – like giving more healthcare access for BIPOC women – we called it a day and headed to the changing rooms. But since it was only my third day, I got lost in the hallway and walked into what I thought was the Girl-Justice’s locker room… Only it wasn’t the Girl-Justice’s locker room… It was the Boy-Justice’s locker room! I still didn’t know I was in the wrong place when I heard a noise. It was someone stepping out of the shower. I turned and looked. And gasped!


It was Brett Kavanaugh! My mortal enemy – both on the Supreme Court and in real life – who is the most evil male I can think of. I hated him so much. I hated his misogynistic face with its perfect chin. I hated his stupid smug smirk, which (for some reason) I couldn’t look away from.


“Hello Mia,” he said, grinning an evil grin, “Took a wrong turn?”


I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to speak for the LITERALLY millions of women whose lives he destroyed just by existing. But I… couldn’t… Somehow, he used his male privilege to cast a spell on me. I just stood, and quivered, and waited for what would happen next.


Then he let the towel drop. I had never seen a male naked before – I mean, I had in science books and things, but never in real life. I couldn’t believe it. His body was amazing. He had a perfect tan, and rippling muscles, and a six-pack with a V that went to his crotch. Even though I didn’t want to, I admit I glanced at his thingy, which was starting to grow and throb.


Then… I felt a tingle in my no-no area


“Mia!” my inner voice was screaming, “Get a grip, girl! You can’t love… him…! He is LITERALLY evil! He is LITERALLY the leader of the PATRIARCHY!”


Then Kavanaugh, completely naked, walked towards me. I stepped back unsure what to do or what to say. “Mia,” he said, and somehow his voice was gentler, softer. I don’t know why I had never noticed before, but his blue eyes sparkled like shooting stars.


“Mia,” he said again, “Don’t be afraid. Ever since you became the youngest-ever female Supreme Court justice, I’ve been madly in love with you.”


“You… You have…?” I stuttered.


“Yes. It’s not just because you’re beautiful, although you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s also because you care about social justice and important things like that. You’ve showed me the way to be a better person. I want… I want to thank you for that.”


Then he put his hands on my boobs, caressing them gently and so, so, so sensually. I don’t know why, but I let him do it. I don’t know what came over me. I always thought that if a male ever tried to sexually assault me, I would use karate kicks to beat him up, just like Batwoman or Captain Marvel. I knew for sure I could easily beat up any male, since all that stuff about them being genetically stronger than us is right-wing propaganda.


Then Kavanaugh whispered, and his mouth was right by my ear, “Now I want to kiss you. May I?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Kavanaugh was actually asking for consent…? Could it be…? Had I really changed him? Wait, why do I care? “I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!” I screamed inside, but all that came out of my mouth was:


“Yes, yes, yes! Oh, Brett! Kiss me!”


I could hold back no longer. He pressed his lips against mine and I almost fainted from how amazing it felt. I felt tingles spreading from down there and going all over my body. I was so confused. I felt like a traitor to my gender. How could I have sex with a man? It’s giving them what they want! But then… I felt a strange feeling… Like everything would be okay, so long as Kavanaugh was with me…


“Mia,” he said, in a sweet warm breath that smelled of roses and perfume, “Now I want to slip into your chambers. May I? I need you so bad. I just need to pound my gavel inside you.”


“Yes, yes!” I cried, completely giving in.


Then he laid me down on one of the benches in the locker room and made love to me. He did it perfectly. He started gently but became more passionate as time went on. It was like a symphony building and building. Fireworks were going off in my brain and stars were floating around us.



But Kavanaugh always made sure to ask if I was okay. Consent was very important to him. We climaxed like a million times. I felt he could still keep going when I finally touched him on the shoulder and asked him just to hold me, which he did with his super-strong arms.


“How do you feel?” asked Kavanaugh as we laid together.


“Like I was reborn a thousand times,” I answered him.


“Maybe we could do this again sometime,” he said.


“Yes,” I answered, still unsure, and then I didn’t know why but I blurted out, “Maybe you could even invite some of your friends...”


“What? You mean Alito and Thomas and Gorsuch?” he said, grinning, “You naughty girl!”


“Yes, I am very naughty!” I replied, “Now that I’ve met you.”


“Well, normally I don’t support packing the court,” replied Kavanaugh, “But in this instance…” He winked and we both laughed.

To be continued… (maybe)…

THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU COMMENT

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