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I'd Like to Buy the World Some Blow and Get Everyone Laid

I was sitting on the deck of my boat watching the sunset over the Gulf Mexico on a pleasant late May evening. A storm had blown through earlier taking the humidity from the day out to sea. The world had started reopening here in Florida and there was a calm in the air I hadn’t felt in quite some time. The restaurants on the beach were packed, bartenders and servers were getting tips that would allow them to get back to buying the drugs that are such an important part of the local economy. Everything on the Gulf Coast was as it should be.

I went below deck, poured a nice glass of Buffalo Trace Bourbon and put on a movie. I sat back and started to turn off my brain relishing in the triumph of the American spirit over Tyranny. Just then the Nero phone rang

The phone call was quick and to the point. There were still far too many Americans who were not enjoying their lives. While many have legitimate cause for their consternation a large percentage of those who are still wallowing in misery had no logical reason to be. The message from the call was abundantly clear, someone had to help the Americans and I was the only one up to the task.

I quickly sprang into action, jumped in the family truckster and sped off.

I knew this would be a difficult mission. So many out there have their identity sewn up in being angry or miserable that in order to show them a good time I was going to require the assistance of seasoned professionals. There was only one team that could effectively assist me in my assigned crusade. Fortunately they were nearby. I was able to swing through Hendry County on my way out of Florida and pick them up.

Nero's Angels Daisy, Amber Lynn, and Tiffini

With Nero's Angels in tow I was off to save America from itself.

At the heart of America’s problem is the fact that far too many internalize the problems of others because they either feel insignificant at worst or guilty for having things going too well at best. Only a truly demented mind would feel guilty about doing too well but sadly that is the kind of twisted individual we are up against.

With the human population rocketing to eight billion faster than Space X can put a human in space (too soon?) there are bound to be a lot of humans who don’t have it as well as most of America does. Making people realize this is a good thing for them is much more difficult task than it should be.

Yes there a lot of inequities in society, there always have been and always will be. Inequity is usually what people are talking about when they complain about inequality and yes I know semantics are for academic libs but it is an important distinction. You aren’t going to fix inequity by focusing on the past because you cannot alter the past if you try odds are better you will end up with a world run by Ned Flanders than some utopia.

Americans need to be in the present and really just focus on themselves. It’s common place to talk about how you won’t be happy in a relationship if you aren’t happy alone and isn’t living in society just one big poly relationship? If you really want to make society a better place just do what you need to in order to be happy yourself. If you are happy with your life you won’t care if a Karen wants to speak to your manager you will just laugh over how the Karen is trying to find meaning in her existence by yelling at your manager.

So everyone just quit fucking worrying about everything and just enjoy your damn selves for once. Every time I see humans complaining about this or that all I hear is

I mean sure there are people who tell you that being self absorbed is a bad thing but aren’t those people always in a rotten mood? Hell the vast majority of charity work is just so the person doing it can feel better about his or herself. I guess what ol’Nero is trying to say is you can only worry about your own happiness and if everyone worries about their own happiness everyone will be happy.

Be forewarned that Nero and his Angels will be out touring America looking to make sure everyone is having a good time so if you see the family truckster roll into your town you better be prepared to do some lines with Amber Lynn. In the end just be like this guy

He has it all figured out


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