20 Ways Republicans Can Still Be Useful

Okay, so after ARMED INSURRECTIONISTS attempted to LITERALY turn our country into a DICTATORSHIP, I was wondering to myself, “Why is Republicans?” Like, what is the point of them again? There must be some reason they’re around, right? Maybe… POSSIBLY…

Well, in the interest of UNITY (LOL, NOT!), I looked into it and came up with 20 things Republicans are actually good for. Ready? Here we go!

1) NOTHING!

2) EVEN MORE NOTHING! ;) (Gotcha!)

3) UM…. Being LITERALY racists who want to bring back slavery and stuff… ACTUALLY NOT A GOOD THING! LOL!!!

4) Being selfish assholes who want people to die from COVID so they can keep their precious “FREEDOM”… UGH….

5) Being LITERALY fascists who want to start wars and KILL poor people and stuff.

6) Being stupid ugly trolls online who PURPOSELY lie just so they can get their precious LOLZZZZ (P.S., the right can't meme).

7) Being LITERALY rape apologists who think women should be enslaved to men and have their stupid babies and stuff. UGH… DO I HAVE TO KEEP GOING…? :(

8) Destroying the environment and LITERALY killing the planet all in the name of “PROFITS”...

9) Hurting low-income people just so they can give TAX CUTS to mega huge CORPORATIONS… DISGUSTING!!!

10) Being worthless bigots.

11) Being worthless misogynists.

12) Being so INTOLERANT OF OTHERS!!!

13) Being great at BREAKING YOUR HEART when you meet a funny super-cute guy who you think might be the one, and then you find out that he voted for DRUMPF and you want to LITERALY vomit, so you have to tell him it isn’t going to work out, then you take a year off dating, because you’re just SO STUNNED there’s so many bigoted misogynists who act like they’re really nice guys and stuff, and you’re sick of being ALONE, and all your friends are getting MARRIED, while you’re at home eating ice cream in bed and streaming DISNEY PLUS on a Friday night AGAIN, and UGH….!!!! Okay, so this one was a long one! Next few will be shorter! :) :) ;)

14) Being stupid morons who can’t get it into their heads that GUNS ARE THE WORST, and nobody should own one EVER!!!

15) Being stupid morons who can’t get it into their heads that a WOMAN ARE LITERALLY OPPRESSED CONSTANTLY, LIKE CONTINUOUSLY WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTION AND LIKE WITHOUT TAKING INTO CONTEXT LITERALLY ANYTHING!!! I mean… SERIOUSLY…!!!!

Qween!

16) UM… Being hardcore stupid CHRISTIANS who still think the EARTH IS FLAT!!! SO DUMB!!!

17) Not knowing that YES, ACTUALLY, a woman can have a PENIS, and a man can have a VAGINA. It’s this little thing called SCIENCE, people!!!

DOUBLE Qween!

18) Not knowing that YES, ACTUALLY, white people are LITERALLY genetically inferior because they lack melanin!!! How do I know? Because this is something that LOUIS FARRAKHAN (totally NOT an anti-semite or racist and Joe Biden's pick for the head of his civil rights division have told me!!!

YES, THIS IS REAL! HOLY SHIT, THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO HEAD A CIVIL RIGHTS DIVISION!!!

19) Being GREAT in bed… NOT!!!!!!

20) UM… Did I mention they’re LITERALY FASCISTS…???

21) BONUS ROUND!!!! Being the party of old angry WHITE MALES who are all going to DIE SOON (PLEASE, PLEASE, SOON!) and who will never obstruct things like addressing inequality, fixing healthcare, guaranteeing free college for ALL Americans, and solving racial injustice EVER AGAIN!!!

So, there you go! 20 ways Republicans are still useful. Share it with anyone in your life who is UNFORTUNATELY a Republican and maybe they’ll realize how wrong they are… Still don't let them off the hook tho, because they need to answer for all THE VIOLENCE their stupid policies do to women and communities of color.

Remember, now more than ever, we need to COME TOGETHER as a nation!!!