Wear a Mask and Stop Being Sociopaths

Buckle up bitches, it's rant time.

Batman, mask-wearer, known badass.

Some of the greatest badasses in human history have donned the mask. Let's see, we've got Batman, Zorro, Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut, the list is endless.

So, it came as a surprise to find out that a culture battle over the wearing of masks was breaking out across the country. Apparently, to some, wearing a mask when shopping in public represents cucking oneself out to the liberal media or government tyranny. I don't want to come off controversial, but if you think that you can go fuck yourself.

Let's get something out of the way up front: it doesn't matter if wearing a mask works to limit the spread of COVID-19. It could work, it also could not, but in the end that's not relevant.

Let's talk about what is relevant. First, assuming they work, be a responsible fucking member of society. We're conservatives, not sociopaths. We value individual liberty, that doesn't mean we feel no sense of duty to others. George Bernard Shaw once said "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."

OK, not ALL masks are badass.

A functioning society asks of us, as individuals, to recognize that our liberties carry with them duties. If affixing a piece of cloth over your face for the 15 minutes you spend at 7-11 buying Slim Jims and blunt wraps is the amount of effort being asked of you in order for the rest of us to get on with our lives, do it.

Second, assuming they don't work, people think they work and you wearing one makes those around you feel more comfortable themselves. You want the economy back? You want your favorite local bar to re-open? Do you ever want to go to a movie theater again? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's going to require more than just you participating in the economy to happen. Yes, it will require the Karens participation as well. How do you convince a Karen to venture out from hiding? By making her feel safe, even if she technically isn't.

And lastly, and perhaps most importantly. Did you know 18 states and the District of Columbia have anti-mask laws? It derived from the KKK and disallowing people from covering their identities in public. We now have an opportunity to stick our middle finger up at the government. For however long this continues, we get to pretend to be masked vigilantes every time we leave the house. You're not submitting to the Government, you're an outlaw.

Look, I get it, masks suck. But life sucks sometimes. And wearing a mask sucks so much less than being in quarantine. Don't be a bitch, wear a mask. This one comes highly recommended.