WATCH: Cuomo Badgers Reporter for Simple Question on School Closings

Today, Andrew Cuomo held a press conference during which (among other topics I assume) there was a discussion about whether New York City Schools would once again be closed due to a “spike” in the ‘Rona. Apparently 3% test positivity rate is the magic number. How that rate is calculated, or why 3% was what they decided on is anyone's guess. I'd venture a guess but alas, I don't care.

Suffering from what appeared to be a brutal case of PMS, Prince Andrew decided he was going to take out his frustrations on two reporters, Jimmy Vielkind from the Wall Street Journal, and Jesse McKinley from the New York Times, who appeared (at least within the context of this clip) to be asking pretty reasonable questions. Hilarity ensued:

What, I am asking you, did we just friggin witness? Did we just see a supposedly grown ass man, in THE position of authority in the state, treat two journalists with objectively simple questions, like idiot peasant children? Yes, you bet your boots we did. We saw the Governor of New York absolutely SNEER at people who were asking him for a yes or no answer as if they had just taken two steaming dumps on his floor. We saw Saint Andrew take a time out from his busy schedule of killing old people, writing books, and patting himself on the back, to bless a few socially distanced plebs with his time. How dare they? Where do they get the absolute SACK to ask for something as forward as...clarification?

It is nothing short of miraculous, in my own hot-tempered opinion, that neither Messrs. Vielkind or McKinley just said “Fuck it. A night in the Tombs (or whatever the Albany equivalent is) is worth it. I’m gonna knock this fucker’s tooth out.”

I know violence is never supposed to be the answer but, hot take here*, some people just have it coming and today, this smarmy jag off was one of them. If one of these chaps had taken a swing at this smug, condescending, shit talking douche, I bet most people would secretly have cheered. As for me, I would have cheered out loud. I’m sorry, but you, as governor, don’t get to come up with the most intricate, convoluted equations that decide how everyone lives, works, and matriculates and then be PISSED OFF when they are confused or have questions. Add your rules to Bill de Blasio’s equally confusing set of strictures and you have mass confusion. How hard is it to simply answer the question, “Will schools be open tomorrow?”. This is a question by the way that, as far as I know, he never actually answered.

I have a theory about this, based on nothing except that it seems plausible. I don't think he actually knows the answer to the school question! He spent most of this interaction treating these two reporters like they were in a remedial math class he was teaching and if they just worked the problem enough times, if he just repeated it to them slowly enough, they would ALL find the answer together!

He may be able to recite the formulas by memory but to actually put it all together on the fly? No so much. Perhaps this whole exercise was Cuomo spending a lot of time listening to himself sermonize (which he obviously adores) and filibustering a question he just didn’t have the answer to. Alternatively, he could have been refusing to answer simply out of pique. Whatever his reasons, he ended up looking like a bullying, arrogant, douchebag.

Oh, and by the way, in case you were curious? After being five hours late to his own press conference (with no apology or explanation), Mayor Bill de Blasio DID announce that schools will indeed be closing as of Thursday, November 19th. Giving both parents and teachers a comfortable 12 hour heads up. Now you know, Andrew! Perhaps you can get back to those two journos you tried to humiliate and give them the answer they were asking for! Well done New York! Always nice to know there are professionals behind the wheel!

*Disclaimer: No matter how much they may deserve it, do NOT go around throwing fists at state governors. I know I shouldn't have to say this but...just in case. Thanks. - Sisu