WATCH: Biden Mumbles, Bumbles and Stumbles During DNC Night Two

Yesterday was a day that ended in 'Y', so of course Joe Biden said some weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, shit.

What did he say this time? Let's take a took:

Hmmm. . . sure sounded like he said "I'm Joe Biden's husband." Let's listen again, slowed down.

Hmmm . . . I feel like Biden deserves no benefit of the doubt when it comes to his cognitive issues AND we've heard him make this mistake before (!!!), so I am on Team Joe Biden's Husband.

That wasn't the only weird thing Joe did last night, he was very Joe Biden last night - let's run through some other clips:

Wow, there is so much to unpack in this clip, let's see:

1) really awkward hug between Joe and his husband, Joe (kidding):

2) says Jill has a "backbone like a ramrod":

3) his circuitry briefly overloads and he repeats "lady" four times

Look at poor Jill as he repeats himself, she knows. . . she knows.

So yeah, that was not a great a clip for 'ol Joe. Wonder how else he did last night. I didn't hear of any reports from viewers that he was wandering around in depends, asking when his poppy was coming home. . . so that's good?

Let's watch one more clip, this one being from the moment it was announced that he was, indeed, nominated by the Democratic Party for President of the United States:

Oh man. . . why does it seem like Joe doesn't exactly know why there are streamers and balloons and why everyone is celebrating for him? I mean, that's a little bit of hyperbole, but I have this vivid memory of my dear grandmother Ethel's 80th surprise birthday party (not a joke). When everyone yelled "SURPRISE!" she was more confused than excited or startled and we noticed that she didn't recognize or had trouble recalling some of her friends and family. It was actually the first time we all kind of accepted that she was having some cognitive issues and the look on her face that day. . . looked eerily similar to this one:

Ah man, I am so happy for this Joe fella that everyone is clamoring about on the television.

That was a depressing walk down memory lane!

Who is up on the DNC schedule for tonight? (I watch, so you don't have to):

  1. Elizabeth Warren, Senator from Massachusetts, 1/1024th Native American

  2. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, Ghoul

  3. Billie Eilish, Singer, Weirdo

  4. Jennifer Hudson, Academy Award Winning Actress, Weight-Loss Spokeswoman

  5. Kamala Harris, VP Nominee, Anxious Laugher, Balloon Inflater Champion

  6. Barack Obama, Former President of the United States, Husband to Big Mike (kidding!)

Am I missing anyone? Oh shit. . . 7. Hillary Clinton


See you tomorrow.