• Burnout

"U" Can be a Doctor too, with Flappr U

Things have been pretty busy over here at Flappr, and we couldn't be happier about that.

One of the things we're big on is career advancement, and once some of our Flapps got their own doctorates, we knew we had to start a university to help everyone advance their careers. Check out the exciting programs we're offering to start things off!

Doctorate in Gastrointestinal Arts; KosherDoll (@kosherdoll), Instructor

Enter the exciting world of the food industry with our focus on the Gastrointestinal Arts.

Topics in this will include:

Strategies for outdoor dining in January.

Befriending Lizard People Governors so you can stay open.

Mackin' on Simps.

Filing for Bankruptcy.

Doctorate in Sports Marketing; JAC (@michcusejac5), Instructor

Rebuild our national interest in sporting events with the Sports Marketing program.

Topics in this will include:

How to profusely apologize for all the wild stuff you did to your fanbases.

How to not set up slave camps in China.

Rebuilding trust in your sports brand after it called huge swathes of its fan base evil racists.

Training people to remember to turn on the television for games.

Doctorate in the Statuesque Arts; Pat McMurphy(@mcmurphy_pat), Instructor

Make big money creating new statues for our nation with this artistic program.

Topics in this will include:

Humans: Good or Bad?

Racially Neutral Bronze

Steel Reinforcement in Statue Legs

Renaming problematic statues quickly.

Doctorate in Green Energy Studies; Amos Queezy (@amosqueezy), Instructor

Capitalize on the upcoming craze in the Green Energy market with this program.

Topics in this will include:

Organic, free range batteries for wind storage.

Solar panels? On the Sun?

Are Brussels sprouts the next biofuel?

What is a geotherm anyway?

Doctorate in Electoral Security; Steph (@stephanie_co239), Instructor

The total chaos of the 2020 election is about to open up a whole new market in Electoral Security, and we at Flappr are here to get you on the cutting edge of that field.

Topics in this will include:

What does that Chinese writing say on these boxes marked "exxxxxtra votes?"

Buying a voting program without testing it, a primer.

How to ignore the existence of paper.

Is time real, or a social construct? (This will complete the Ph.D. portion of your capstone project.)

We look forward to your attendance!


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Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib