• mommypenny1971

Toob Stakes Redux

So, this happened:


This is will be a short one, like a #zoomdick. So much to unpack here (unlike a #zoomdick). Lets dive right in.


I know there's a lot going on right now, and that I have previously addressed this topic, but if he is gonna tweet some straight bullshit, I am going to call him out on it. I think the tone of this tweet encapsulates the grotesque narcissism of so many in the media today, it smacks of disbelief on his part that this is happening to him. He simply cannot comprehend that you can't just do stuff and say stuff that's gross and keep your gig.


I know tone may not be able to be conveyed accurately in a tweet, but we have the benefit of knowing who Jeffrey Toobin is, and we have the benefit of knowing that he thinks of himself more than others, to the point that handling his own business was a much more pressing matter, than say, finishing a meeting.


"I was fired today..." Good, that should have happened a few weeks ago. Millions of Americans who keep their junk inside their pants during meetings have lost their jobs through no fault of their own, and we are supposed to what? feel bad for you? Are you fucking kidding me? You had an amazing job, the world by the short and curlies, people read and listened to your bullshit and paid you for it, and you couldn't not pull your pud for the length of a zoom meeting.




"after 27 years as a staff writer..." The fact that you managed to hold that kind of gig for nearly three decades is a miracle, because you aren't awesome (I know the gang at CNN has been telling you that you are, but this is also a NOPE) the level of disrespect you displayed for your employer and your colleagues BY TAKING YOUR DICK OUT IN A MEETING is outrageous. YOU HAD A JOB, there are folks out there who would give their right eye for a gig like that and you shat on it.

The misplaced sense of entitlement is blatant. So I guess because you showed up to work for 27 years, The New Yorker should just overlook the fact that you brought this to their doorstep? You put a flaming bag of dog shit on their porch, were they supposed to just let the house burn to the ground?


To the New Yorker: What took you so damn long? Dicks out during meetings should be immediate grounds for dismissal, immediate. No discussion necessary, No need to debate. Unless "actively masturbating during meetings" is in the job description, this is a no brainer. What's your message to the ladies who were witness to this atrocity? Yeah we know he took it out, but lets take a moment to reconsider...NOPE. Waiting a few weeks to kick this jackwagon to the curb tells me more about you than the Toob.


To CNN: what the fuck are you waiting for?


"I will always love the Magazine..." At the risk of repeating myself, clearly you don't love them. You didn't think the New Yorker warranted enough consideration and respect to KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS at work, how can anyone believe that you will always love them? Or that you ever did?


"To clarify, I'll always love wanking it when I should be working for the Magazine"

Print media is on the decline, and they are making any and all adjustments to retain readership and stay relevant. They have enough to deal with in a changing world, your dick doesn't help.


"will miss my colleagues..." You should have missed them with that #zoomdick nonsense. I bet your colleagues would have much preferred to not see your dick and for the whole world to not think they are a joke because they worked with you. Leave your colleagues alone, how about that? Just leave the rest of them alone, haven't you done enough to tarnish their reputation as a serious writers?


"To clarify, I'll miss jerking off in front you, lol :-)~~~"

"and will look forward to reading their work." Hey sorry I called a bunch of unwanted negative attention to what was previously well respected institution, but I wish you continued success as you deal with the backlash of my compulsion to slap the salami."


To clarify, I need to finish with this cam girl, THEN I'll read their work."

PLEASE STOP TWEETING YOU COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT DOUCHEBAG. Nobody cares about you anymore, anyone who did is over it at this point. There are enough dicks on the interwebs, and despite how insignificant yours has proved to be, there just isn't any room for it.







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Mathew Foldi is a Lib