• dearflabby

This is Dear FlAbby: Let’s Get Flabulous

Editor's Note: Welcome to "Dear FlAbby" a weekly series from @grand_handsome, where FlAbby takes YOUR questions on love, life, and the crazy world in which we reside. FlAbby then offers YOU the guidance that only FlAbby is qualified to provide.* If you'd like to be featured in a future edition of Dear FlAbby, please DM @grand_handsome on Twitter.

*Please note that FlAbby is not a certified psychologist, psychiatrist, has no medical training, hates cheese, and is in NO WAY qualified to give advice on literally ANYTHING. Any advice offered here is taken at your own risk.


Hello dear readers, it is I, Flabby! Thank you for reading because you need my help; you broken degenerate libs. You should seriously thank me by joining my onlyfans. Seriously, thank me for taking time out of my busy day to save the world, because FlAbby is 🐐🦥! But id like to thank the fine people Flapper for having me! You guys are the best, even Nero I guess. LETS DO THIS THING.


Dear Lib Degen: FlAbby is confused by your question and demands you never approach me! It is no secret that FlAbby is sex symbol and my evidence is yo mamma!


Sincerely i carry mace,

FlAbby


Dear Helicopter Cargo: Movies are dumb and so is your face! I hope you get arrested for identity theft you godless criminal! FlAbby knows that dog! Flapper adheres to strick journalistic standards and we report that she is a very bad dog! We wont lie unlike Fake News Finchman!


Sincerely saving you a seat on the chopper,

FlAbby


Dear ScatMan: America can’t elect a babbling boomer who sniffs children and poops himself. Well, I mean, I guess we could, because we have libs. FlAbby feels bad when Joe is on TV! This is the first time in American history the mainstream media has aired live shots of Libs abusing an elderly man who they’ve locked in his basement. Sodom and Gomorrah never had old people being abused on the news likes it’s a good thing!

Sincerely sad,

FlAbby


Dear Minion: Well, their bitch tears are a nice pre snack snack! FlAbby usually keeps three packs of gushers in his pockets at all times! DunkAroos are also a Flabby must! Love me some DunkAroos yo! FlAbby fittin ta rant up in here so I best chill!


Sincerely snackin,

Flabby


Dear Good looking: No


Flabby




Well Folks, FlAbby is making chicken and dumplings and needs to see what the libs are up to. Thank you for your questions! Seems like fun is becoming illegal where FlAbby lives so thank you all so much for making me laugh every day. FlAbby out!

C U NEXT TUESDAY

THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU COMMENT

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Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib