The You-Kraine

By now we have all heard the news of what's happening in Ukraine, unless of course you watch CNN then you probably think it's all a puppet show:

or FOX News, because they actually made it a puppet show:

The world is watching as Vladimir Putin is actively invading the Ukraine, a country that many Americans could not have pointed to on a map a week ago, despite the fact that it's hero Joe "hairy legs" Biden and his family have made a fortune there with shady dealings in the last decade.

Many people who have family and friends in Ukraine are desperate for any information they can get on their loved ones, are they safe? can we help? did they get out before the tanks rolled in?

The social media universe however is rife with misinformation, as is the usual here in fantasy land:

Some actual news outlets are using years old photos to tell the story, instead of actual photos of what's happening there right now. Granted we are getting some real photos here and there peppered in, but how do we know what's real and what isn't?

Now I actually have a journalism degree, and so I approach any and all news stories with a lot of skepticism, so I am perpetually convinced that the center of every 'FACTUAL' news story is filled with sa mixture of personal bias, audience pandering and laziness. My motto (feel free to adopt this) is "I don't trust it." I also don't trust that my headlights will turn off automatically - but that is a story for another day.

What I would really love to address here today is though is the inevitable, unadulterated narcissism that makes up the pointless and plentiful hot takes that are popping up all over the twat-o-sphere.

Lets begin with "wHeRe ArE yOuR mAsKs?"

The replies are gold. Absolute gold.

This next one comes with a warning, an "Unpopular Opinion Alert" warning - because some folks are going to be a little triggered about what I'm going to say.

Why is this even a thing that came into your brain ma'am?

To be fair her timeline or whatever you call it has a bunch of posts about actual foreign policy shit, and she may have some pertinent things to say about it if y'all want to check it out, but I did not read any of those things.

Why? For the same fucking reason I cannot take today's feminists seriously, they ARE NOT SERIOUS.

This lady could be the most prominent thinker and analyst of foreign policy in our world today and she decimated all of the seriousness of her insights with a nonsensical comment like this. Even if you think the dude is bone-able, or you are attracted to his alpha male response to our offer to get him out of the country, this is not the time nor the place to comment upon it. It is the equivalent of giving a brilliant dissertation for your PhD and then telling a professor how handsome he looks today.

Your life's work negated by "Tbh, he's kinda hot!"

He's a Ukranian 6 at best!

Not to be outdone, lest someone look away from their oppression for twelve seconds, we have this hot take:

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! People are dying, homes destroyed, lives in turmoil, families displaced and you think that this is the time for "Hey Girl Haaaaaayyyyy!" If you think any of that means anything right now, your no ally of the Ukranian people - you're a brainwashed disgrace.

Of course butt-stuff aficionado Eric Swallwell took time out from febreezing the back of his pants to share this brilliant insight:

Ah, yes, a brilliant concept, from this bastion of the open border party, the "no person is illegal" party - send the foreigners home. All of the sudden you want to get rid of foreigners, interesting.

While we are at it, let's just dump all the Russian Vodka in the harbor! That'll teach those Russian bastards a lesson, you'll have Putin eating out of your hand!

Oh shit, they're actually doing it. Great job DeWine, all of that inventory that has been bought and paid for by the business owners of your state, is now contraband. We just haven't lost enough to your silly garbage policies here in O-H-i-O have we?

This of course brings me to absolute grand daddy of tunnel vision, out of touch with reality, narcissistic, poor optics bad takes of the year (maybe, we haven't heard the SOTU yet, so the jury's out) from our pal at The View, Joy Behar.

The View? From where? Your ass?

I think even her co-hosts thought this was a bridge too far. People are dying for fuck's sake.


And after your co-host shared some thoughts on the horrors of what might happen and attempted to convey to your audience the gravity of the situation, your first thought was "fuck, what about my vacation?"

I will leave you with this thread that I believe sums up the strategy, the unabashed self-promotion that characterizes the "look at me! I'm important too!" sensibility of social media right now.

This guy gets it:

It's not about YOU-KRAINE, you self-important dummy. It's about the UKRAINE.