• Burnout

The Road to Beijing (Starring The Goons)

Last Wednesday, it was announced that Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Prize, which is lit.


China was less amused.



What better way to address this than to send over the Goon Squad. If there’s a group that’s going to raise the level of public discussion, it’s definitely us.


Here’s the thing, Hu: Trump didn’t start a global trade war. He started a trade war with your price fixing, currency manipulating, Uighur genociding, Honk Kong oppressing, environment devastating, racist, punk-ass country of 1.393 billion fucking lunatics.


Trump didn’t sabotage the UN Climate deal. You didn’t have to have the US to go about killing yourselves. And why the hell do you care anyway? Despite the fact that you are an economic powerhouse--again thanks to slavery and one of the most backward systems of government on the planet--you got exempted from that exact deal as a "developing nation." What’s good for the goose, eh Hu ol’ boy? Yeah, Trump took aim at the WHO. Probably because, despite the fact that they essentially can’t exist without our funding, they couldn’t be bothered to tell us about the virus that started in your country, either in your grossly unprotected labs or in one of your absolutely subhuman wet markets for zombie savages.


Trump isn’t intensifying anything. You are, because you’re a bunch of belligerent psycho clowns. You’re just mad that he's holding you accountable for your b.s. Your country, nay your entire culture you’ve created since the CCP took power, abjectly and unequivocally sucks. And while we’re on the subject of countries, take a look at a map. You see that big island off the coast of Fujian? That’s called Taiwan, and it’s an independent nation, just like Tibet, Hong Kong, and Manchuria are supposed to be, you absolutely worthless jock stains.


Speaking of other countries, unlike your warmongering dumpster fire of a nation, you know what Trump and the US get to lay claim to?


Bringing peace to the middle east. The only thing more deserving of an award would be wiping your country off the map.


Onto the Goons:



While we’re on the subject of things your country can do to improve: Stop starving. The number of industrialized nations that eat bats is zero. You’re such stone-age savages. I mean, all Commies are, but you’re especially awful.


The LeBron James Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Genocide is sure to be the hottest red carpet affair of the 2021 award season!


Byrns points out something important about the people that come out of China’s indoctrination camps (I flatly refuse to call them schools). They can’t actually think. Forming thoughts is not something they are capable of doing after going through Mao Tech. They think what the leader tells them to think, which gets them a treat from the CCP and an eye-roll from anyone who has ever tried to actually work with them. The reality is that Trump is probably the most Nobel worthy president in my or even my last living grandparents' lifetime, and that takes us back to Hoover. Again, Trump literally has brought about peace in the middle east. Obama made the Arab Spring, which sounds nice, but was really just a neat way for ISIL to gain power. Speaking of Obama…


Duckman returns from vacation to point out the hilarity of China’s indignance.


Let’s say, hypothetically, we agreed with China for the sake of discussion. (We don’t; I can’t stress enough that Trump has brought literal peace to the middle east, an accomplishment that should have triggered celebrations reminiscent of V.E. Day.) Just give Trump one preemptively based on assumed future performance. He can’t possibly mess it up worse than President Says-Stuff.





They certainly need to take your advice and grab a seat, Micks. It’s not as if China has a leg to stand on, unless they cut one off an Uighur.



Normally, Goons don’t appear twice per adventure, but this was too good not to close with. The reality is that these are the rules China is pushing because China is a weak, useless nation that can’t compete without all this gobbeldy-gook nonsense. China has abjectly failed at every opportunity to capitalize on becoming part of the rest of the world, and now they’re mad that Trump got us out of our post Eisenhower doldrums.


You don’t have to buy American, just don’t buy things made by these grotesque excuses for mankind, or from companies like Disney, the NBA, and Apple, who pander to these soulless, ghoulish, clowns. Wipe this stupid nation off the face of the earth, and salt the land in the wake.


Now that’d be grounds for a Nobel prize.


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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib