• Nero

The Adventures of Nero: The Rise of Kami-H

It was just before 3 am on Wednesday August 12, 2020 when the page came through. I was enjoying the best fight card I had seen since before the Rona scared the weakest humans into hiding at my favorite underground Cock Fight in Hendry County Florida so the last thing I wanted to do was be disturbed. The nerds having been so far successful in their attempts to destroy America this Cock Fight was fast becoming the only event worth gambling on and I wasn’t sure how much longer it would last. The last thing I wanted to do was answer a page. This was Nero’s time dammit.

Nero like all good Americans likes to unwind watching a sporting event

I ordered another moonshine neat as the main event started. I had bet on the underdog and was very confident in the outcome. The favorite was on a long winning streak just like America but as we have seen over the past few months all winning streaks come to an end. The scrappy young upstart, a Malay, shocked the older bird with his quickness putting the fight to an end faster than Mike Tyson put an end to Buster Douglas.

I collected my winnings and had the angels get the Nero mobile as I was ready to call it night. I should have just gone with my gut but that damn pager kept going off. Once I got into the Nero mobile I picked up the Nero phone and answered the page. Much to my chagrin it was my old handler from my days in the CIA. He told me that my permanent vacation wasn’t so permanent after all. I should have said no but as a true patriot I had no choice but to answer when my country needed me most.

Nero's Angels a crack team of ladies who keep America great with the power of sex, drugs, and Rock 'n Roll

The Angels drove me to Punta Gourda where there was a private plane waiting for me. Normally they would fly out of Page Field but this was a deep cover mission and I knew deep down inside what that meant. It was a pleasant flight and it allowed me to sober up with some nice bourbon. The moonshine served at Hendry County cock fights packs a punch even for a professional like me. I landed at Dulles around sunrise, ate breakfast and drank some strong coffee. I was expecting to be taken to Langley but instead was brought to OEOB in DC.

I was ushered into a secure conference room on the second floor where I saw my old handler waiting for me.

Kid Rock Nero's handler and drinking buddy during his time in the CIA

“I told you I was done with all this Kid” I said before he could get a word out

“Nero have a drink. The big man asked for you personally” he replied.

Obviously I had a drink. They keep some of the finest bourbon in the OEOB, straight out of McConnell’s private stash whenever a Repbulican is VP.

“Do I even have to guess what this is all about?” I asked

“You know damn well what is going on”

“You guys sure do know how to make a mess of these things”

“Yeah I know you warned us”

At least Kid was admitting their folly. Everything had been working so well for so long but in their hubris they made a mess of the country and it has left us on the brink of a total nightmare. Being run by a scorned woman.

It was at this moment that my old boss when I was a working for government entered the room

Vice President Mike Pence the Nero's main boss during his time with the CIA and unbeknownst to most one of the last guardians of Freedom in the government

“Nero before you say it I want you to know that all of us agree you were right all along” Mike admitting this did make me feel at least heard

“That would have been nice to hear twelve years ago” I responded

“We thought Hillary was too power hungry. Even you admitted that” Mike came back at me with.

“Of course she was power hungry but she knew the dangers of actually trying to socially engineer society. You guys thought for sure you could control Barry but instead he turned out to be a true believer and left us where we are now”

“Where we are now has me right in the seat of power” Mike fired back angrily

“Yeah and you guys were doing a fucking job at handling things until the Karens got involved. How the fuck did you allow Donnie to even conceede that the Rona was something we needed to be concerned about?” I asked still amazed that this happened

“Look he really cares about people’s lives dammit” Mike yelled back at me “We all can’t be as cold and calculating as the almighty Nero” he said letting his frustration boil over momentarily

Mike knew damn well I was correct but this is what happens when you let a genuinely decent, albeit boarish, man in the Oval. You have to accept that sometimes good men sacrifice too much in an attempt to save lives.

“Look Nero we can rehash all of our mistakes over drinks all night if you really want to but I think deep down inside you would like one more chance to save this country you love” Mike played my love of this nation like Slash playing the solo to November Rain every single note hitting you right in the feels.

“Fuck it I am in but I am not taking her out. We have been through too much together” I said making sure they knew where the line I wouldn’t cross was

“We aren’t asking you to take her out” Kid said in his most calming voice “We just need you to convince her to throw the election”

“Won’t Joe do that himself?” I asked

“We can’t count on that. The media is doing too good of job covering for him” Mike correctly pointed out

“How are they not in Gitmo?” I asked “I know the fucking constitution, we have to play by the rules even if those lefties wont” I answered before they had the opportunity to say the same thing.

“Kami is holed up in a currently closed old night club located in the Lower East Side of Manhattan” Kid informed me

“Manhattan? Are you fucking nuts? Am I getting a Swat team to escort me in?”

“I think you’ll be just fine, we have a man waiting for you to guarantee you safe passage” Mike said smiling. I knew who he had. These guys may be idiots but they always have taken care of me.

I finished my drink and was taken back to Dulles. I took a quick nap on the flight to New York and prepared myself mentally for seeing my old partner for the first time in years.

I entered Manhattan via the R train and got off at the Prince St Station. I hadn’t been in this city for years. Under the leadership of Rudy and Mike it was a fun place to visit and even a decent place to live for awhile but the mistakes my colleagues made 12 years ago reverberated all the way to New York City that had been taken over by socialist monster who took sick pleasure in killing groundhogs. I looked around at the dank, urine soaked hellhole this city had become and I feared it was already too late that the nation would soon be just like this city. I had to try though. You have to run out every ground ball.

Bobcat a top CIA wet team operative who uses his cat senses and agility along with a mastery of weapons to save Nero's life when necessary

Just then I saw my escort. As I had suspected it was Bobcat. There is no difficult situation this bipedal feline with full command of the English language cannot get you through. I knew at least I would make it through roving bands of thugs to the 100 block of Orchard Street where Kami was. I just wasn’t sure I would be able to talk her out of what she was planning.

We were greeted at the entrance to the club Kami had turned into her headquarters by a security of teenagers. I quickly surmised they were kids who had been detained for being truant that she trained to be her own army. Of course I deeply respected her for her use of child soldiers and prisoners as slave labor, unfortunately those kinds of things are frowned upon by “society”. Bobcat growled at them, they were not afraid though, they said they were expecting me and brought us into the building.

We entered the main room and saw a throne sitting on the stage to our left. Clearly Kami was clearly living her best life. The stage lights quickly swung around and illuminated the staircase right in front of us. Kami walked down the stairs slowly as WAP played on the club’s sound system.

Kamala Harris AKA Kami-H Nero's original Angel and current Democrat VP candidate

“Nero my old friend how does the world find you these days?” - Kami asked

“Well I was pulled away from a cock fight because of this shit you are pulling”

“Still living the high life I see” she said as she sauntered towards the bar “Still drinking bourbon?”

“Well I am a man of culture”

“And for your friend?”

“I’ll have a White Claw” Bobcat growled. I hope he was being ironic, being a cat in all, but you can never tell with these felines.

“So did they send you here to kill me” Kami asked with a sly grin on her face as she knew damn well I would never do such a thing as she brought us her drinks

“Nope, interesting choice of music by the way”

“Shit Nero you know this Wet Ass Pussy got me where I am today”

This brought a smile to my face. Kami and I had been through a lot together. She was one of the first angels. She did a hell of a job in keeping Willie Brown from causing too much trouble let me tell you.

“Kami look times have changed my friend. You guys have been taking too many risks for the past twelve years. The commies actually think they have a say in what happens here. You guys have opened up the door for that girl from Westchester who actually seems to think she is from the streets” I pleaded

“Isn’t she adorable? How did we miss her?”

“Kami, focus, this isn’t funny!” my voice raised “Everything that makes this country the greatest accomplishment mankind has achieved is at risk” She just laughed me off. “Kami look at the cities. The kind of kids who used to LARP are revolutionaries actually believe they are changing the world now. Have you seen them? You can tell they aren’t in it to get laid. Nobody is fucking anyone in those groups”

“What are you worried about Nero? I’m a cop. If they think Donnie is fascist wait until they see what I do” she cackled.

“If I thought for one minute you would actually be able to pull it off I would be right there supporting you. But you need political support and in the Democratic party there is no support for taking out the bad guys. They only support taking down the good guys now. The base hates freedom” I pleaded.

“Oh this is just election year bluster. Sure we will throw them a couple of bones but you know nothing will really change” she said trying to use the seductive Angel’s voice on me.

“That power doesn’t work on me Kami.”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying” she purred. The purring got Bobcats attention and I had to spray him with a bottle to keep him down.

“There is no getting through to you is there?”

“Nero I am so close to everything I ever wanted. Why would I give it up now?”

“For the love of freedom” I said in somber voice

“Freedom is an illusion Nero” she said whisply “If I cannot convince you to join me we shall have to part ways. I need to prepare my speech”

Her guards approached Bobcat and I and motioned for us to leave the building.

“It’s not too late” I yelled at her “There is still room for you with us. You don’t have to be a villain to get what you want.” I tried to reach her

“Please Kamala, come home” I asked as we were pushed out the door

To be continued