We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Editor's Note: This is a shorter than usual edition of T.I.T.S. as I endeavored to juggle my real job, my real responsibilities and this insanely stupid hobby with a pleasantly chaotic holiday schedule. I sincerely hope you and your family had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving feast and I love you all very dearly (no homo).
Very Important News!
We made a video! Well, we made a video LAST year, but we're reupping it because it's Thanksgiving weekend and we're hoping you'll make watching it part of your annual family festivities.
From esteemed (and recently terminated) former high school history teacher, Professor James O'Flannery, The First Thanksgiving - Good Thing, Bad Thing? tells the story of Squanto, Samoset, Massasoit, the Wampanoags, the Narragansetts, the pilgrims, the first settlements, the trials, the tribulations, the hope and the feast born from it all.
Please, go give it a watch and take a minute to appreciate the rich traditions from which your Thanksgiving feast originates.
Sydney Sweeney: is having fun in Australia
You know, I was just going about my business, trying to speed through a quick, short-week edition of T.I.T.S. and sexy-ass, Sydney Sweeney, had to go and complicate my life by posting G.O.A.T.-tier tiddy thirst on Instagram.
Yes, this might be one of the best photos ever taken. Yes, those Land-Down-Under-Lactators might be the best proof that God exists and loves us dearly. But, this added at least 10 minutes to my already complicated week.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when will these sexy broads stop and take a moment to think of the lowly (not smut) blogger and how their social media activity might affect their lives. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, though . . . those boobs really are something, aren't they? Truly amazing.
According the the article, this 'Perky Titty Workout' is based upon the premise that while titties are not muscles and cannot be toned, women CAN tone the muscles that support the titty to help enhance titty appearance.
Hmmm . . . I'm not sure if this is workout is just typical influencer bullshit, but . . . who doesn't like perky titties? I don't know a single person on earth (gay men aside) who don't enjoy perky titties. I mean, it might work?! The tiddies on the lady in the video DO appear to be perkier than one would expect for a woman her age.
What do you say, Ladies? Let's give this a shot! Go do the 'Perky Titty Workout' and report back with your results. The Flappr Institute of Anatomical Research is more than willing and capable of analyzing the data you provide.
We're in this war for perkier breasts together.
Ok, so according to this video, men have a system designed to allow them to exert less and less effort in a relationship by giving women varying degrees of ever decreasing attention (e.g., men start by putting in $100 into the piggy bank and then start putting in less and less so that when men do show $5 worth of effort, it feels like $100 to the woman).
Ladies, I am pleased to inform you that this 'penny method' is an incredible load of bullshit. Men do not do this. Men have never done this. For starters, this system was allegedly developed to create effort efficiencies for men in relationships, but the system itself seems like so much fucking work! There is no man on earth that sets forth this much effort into a relationship scheme. They may come up with schemes to bang random chicks, but not for once they've found a suitable partner.
No, what most men (and women) often suffer from is complacency. You may find that a man begins to take a relationship for granted, but that's not a master plan - it's normal human-level laxity and laziness. We all do this on occasion, even you broads are guilty of taking your men for granted sometimes. THE TRASH ISN'T TAKING ITSELF TO THE CURB, HONEY!
Seriously, though . . . imagine men possessing this level of structured thinking. Sorry, Ladies, that's just not how we operate. This 'penny method' is fugazi.
*The following part is for men only. Ladies, please skip to the next session*
Fellas, I have successfully convinced the womenfolk that our treasured 'penny method' is nothing more than the mindless ramblings of a TikTok thot (you're welcome). I feel like this shouldn't require saying, but YOU DON'T TALK about the 'penny method' with ladyfolk. Are we really going to fuck this up? Are we really going to have to go back to the days of foot rubs and paying for spa days? Are you all that fucking stupid? Keep your mouths shut or we're going to ruin this and/or the 'Felatio Formula'. For fucks sake, loose lips sink BJ Tuesdays.
Wow. What a headline. Let's investigate (for journalistic purposes, of course)!
*Borat voice* Wowowewa!
This is Alina Kabaeva, a former Olympic gymnast and current concubine to Tsar Vlad the Impale-Her (little Russian Tsar humor for you).
According to the article, this Kalashnikov cutie "is practically under house arrest" because Vladimir Putin is allegedly dead and she "fell out of favor with the current leadership of Russia."
Hmph. Putin is dead? Isn't that something. I mean, I would shudder to think that the Daily Star, an outlet that publishes hard hitting journalism such as 'I met fan in public and let him rest head on my M-cup boobs – he loved it' and Model with 55-inch bum horrified at fan's bizarre fart request for 'aromatherapy' , would report the death of Tsar Putin without confirming it to be true . . . so it MUST be true.
That's gotta be a bummer since Alina has Radiant Rooskie Ryazhenkas (it's a Russian fermented milk thing - I had to get creative here). But as Prof Jimbo says in The Russian Revolution - Good Thing, Bad Thing?, you must be wary of Russian women past a certain age, because they, well. . . start to look like Russian fermented milk (watch the video, it's cued up for you):
You didn't think I was going to mention a headline like Model with 55-inch bum horrified at fan's bizarre fart request for 'aromatherapy' in the section above and not follow up on it, did you?
No, no. Dropping a headline like that is like Chekov's Gun (Chekov's Bum) you cannot introduce that element to this blog without it somehow contributing to the 'hole' of the story.
Rest assured, the wide hipped harlot above does not fart in the video. I may force you do endure occasional hairy lady armpit trauma (only because it was important to our expose on Hairy-Murdoch-Muff-Gate) but I will not subject you to farts.
And fellas, , , , I am begging you to find a better way to use your time and money. Find a church. Learn how to hunt. Adopt a puppy. Whatever you do, please do not give into your degeneracy by paying wide-hipped eGirls to fart on command.
Daily Star: Female football fan celebrates win by getting bum out in stadium after wowing in lingerie
So, according to the article, this soccer loving slattern told her Instagram followers that she would expose her south of the border badonkadonk if Club America, her favorite team, beat Club Tijuana.
Well, they did win and I am willing to do the work of an investigative journalist to determine if she followed through on her promise, but you have to promise not to make this weird, because this is for journalism purposes only and we are NOT a smut blog! Agreed? Good.
OK, here goes . . .
We, of course, had to censor the video because we are not a smut blog, butt (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes) after extensive review, Flappr can confirm that she did, indeed, expose her posterior after Club America beat Club Tijuana. This was tireless work, but we're an enterprise run on uncovering truth.
Now, the next question we must answer is whether or not this Mexican mooning qualifies as a public act of thottery. I would argue that since this video was filmed in private, this ribald rump shake is not as bad as the lady who got booted from the Raiders game last week for exposing her breasts. However, it's still very thottish to promise (and fulfill such promise) to lay bare your bottom in a public place.
Final Rating: this was an act of public thottery.
As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), how would you rate that round-mound of caballera caboose, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I could've guessed you'd say that, Al Pacino from heat. And, this might surprise you, given my previously stated preferences against titanic-turd-cutters, but I agree on this one! Sometimes, things are so exceptional that they break all systems and structures and well . . . that is one alluring latina love cushion.
Important News!
Fox News: Israel and Hamas agree to temporary cease-fire deal that will free 50 hostages, three Americans
According to the article there are still approximately ten Americans that remain "unaccounted for".
Those people are my first and primary concern.
There is no reason Hamas should be holding American citizens as prisoners for their war against Israel. It remains concerning to me that more Americans aren't outraged that their countrymen are being held hostage by a terrorist group.
There is a fair amount of explaining required here and since I'm trying to enjoy some of my few days of vacation time this year. So instead of me trying to (poorly) explain how MMFA manipulated Twitter's algorithm to bully Twitter's advertisers into abandoning their partnership - let's just all hope he wins this lawsuit decisively.
I pray that Musk bankrupts MMFA and forces the rats to scurry around a bit before regrouping under a different not for profit (which they almost certainly would do). At minimum, this lawsuit should force them into scramble mode for a little while.
Thank you, Elon.
Do not kid yourself, Cardi B will end up supporting whatever Democrat they send out there in 2024 - including Joe Biden.
This has happened before. Cardi B (or some other politically active celeb) suddenly "gets it" every few years, publicly criticizes the Dems and then ultimately gets behind their candidates once election season rolls around.
Same goes for Michael Rappaport and other Trump-hating celebrities currently espousing anti-Biden sentiments online. They will all fall in line, they always do.
Joe Biden: turned 81; approval rating hits new low.
This feckless cunt could've stayed retired, slurped ice cream and sniffed kids in his basement. Instead, he's spent the past three years ruining your life and celebrated his 81st birthday as one of the most unpopular presidents in U.S. history.
He's terrible at his job, which is why he's never won Flappr's Joe Biden of the Year Award (which I've decided to discontinue after three years, because none of you ever appreciated the genius behind those blogs).
Vote for literally anyone else in 2024. I have nothing more to add.
Charles C.W. Cooke | National Review: CNN Won’t Accept That Americans Are Actually Worried about Shoplifting
The one in which Charlie Cooke takes CNN to the woodshed over their latest asinine piece on how people aren't actually upset about shoplifting.
From the article:
Americans say they dislike shoplifting because it makes shopping more dangerous and more annoying, because it raises the likelihood that their local stores will be closed, and because it breeds contempt for the law, and what they “really mean” by that is that they dislike shoplifting because it makes shopping more dangerous and more annoying, because it raises the likelihood that their local stores will be closed, and because it breeds contempt for the law. Crime is a physical problem. It can be seen, felt, and touched. It has material effects. Useful as they may be in other contexts, one needs neither Harold Bloom nor Sherlock Holmes to delve into why the citizenry resents it.
Cooke is a talented writer that sometimes makes me feel bad about myself in comparison. I'd like to see him come up with clever slang terms for female human breasts, though. I do think I have him bested in that respect.
The Other McCain: Rule Five Sunday: Meanwhile, In The Mountains; But Is It ‘Actual Truth’?; and ‘Young People … Taking an Interest in Peace and Social Justice’
The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares with you a new term to call rioters, courtesy of Rep. Jamie Raskin of Maryland, it's "young people who are taking an interest in peace and social justice"
From the article:
What’s interesting here is Raskin’s automatic reflex response — deflection and “whataboutism” — to point fingers at Elon Musk or Kevin McCarthy, when the question asked was about Democrats supporting Hamas.
This reminds me of how all of the mainstream media started referring to violent crime suspects as "stranger" or "teen" or "unpaid subway enthusiast".
Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily Dominatrix News
The one in which Animal shares with you the story of a Democrat congressional candidate from Oregon who is embracing her past life, where she worked as a dominatrix, making up to $500 per hour.
*sigh* Alright . . . let's investigate (journalism purposes).
Hmph.
Be honest, when you read Oregon Democrat, you thought she was going to look like a pink-haired land whale, didn't you?
Listen, she's most definitely a Marxist midwit, but credit where credit is due - she's not a morbidly obese lesbian with vitiligo. You have to give her that.
David Thompson: Bad Language
The one in which David shares the story of how the Cambridge University Hospital Trust has recently come under scrutiny from the UK's National Health Service for using the term "mother" to refer to mothers in their maternity ward.
This is another example of why nationalized healthcare should always be a non-starter. If you think the regime would ever pass up a chance to push current thing through one of their controlled institutions . . . well, I guess they still figured out how to effectuate this through Medicare funding and ESG, but still - fuck government controlled anything.
Important Sports News!
TNF: Uhhhh, well, there are 4 games between now and Sunday and I don't plan on updating this blog, so I'm just gonna give some predictions and you can screenshot this and laugh at how wrong I was.
Packers at Lions (-7.5) - the Lions will win by 10+ because Jordan Love suuuuuucks.
Commanders at Cowboys (-11) - the Commies suck, but tend to play well against their divisional rivals. I think they'll cover (but lose).
49ers (-7) at Seahawks - I am a big Brock Purdy guy and picked the 49ers to win the Super Bowl, but the Seahawks are pretty good and 7 points is a big spread for a road favorite. Against my better judgment, I am going to ride the Brocket Ship and say the Niners cover.
Dolphins (-10) at Jets - The Jets are pretty much in playoff mode right now, they cannot afford to lose another game if they want to make the postseason. Their defense is very good and I think they have one last elite performance in them (especially in a primetime, Black Friday game). They'll probably lose, but keep it within 10.
Barstool Sports: Josh Jacobs' Ex Girlfriend "Woah Kenzy" Is Exposing Him For Cheating With "Blasian The Goddess" And Left Her "Milk Yacht For A Caramel Macchiato"
Milk Yacht? If you've followed us on Twitter for the past couple of years, you've definitely heard of 'Milk Truks' . . . but Milk Yachts? That's a new one!
Are Milk Yachts just a fancier set of Milk Truks? Are Milk Yachts just bigger versions of Milk Truks . . . like really big ones? We shall investigate further.
Hmmm . . . it would appear that Milk Yachts are neither fancier nor bigger versions of regular, old-fashioned, Milk Truks. Perhaps Milk Yachts are pokey-pokier? Hard to say, but I do hope Ms. Woah finds happiness in this life without the companionship of Josh Jacobs, who seems like a real piece of shit.
Moving on . . .
Outkick: Ravens Fan Goes Viral Giving Another Fan A Lap Dance During Thursday Night’s Win Over The Bengals
There is too much tomfoolery going on in arenas around the NFL these days. Getting your rocks off seems to be the primary reason people drop 500 bucks on a ticket for entry. The game on the field actually serves as a distraction from the hedonistic orgies taking place on the club-level.
Seriously, even a guy wearing a Justin Tucker jersey is getting some snuzz. Dude is reppin' a kicker and having his junk ground into a pulp in public. Wild times.
Please THOT patrol, save us, you're our only hope.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: lololol, oh yeah, that appears to be Kayla Simmons and she is definitely 'showing off her body in a tiny bikini'.
Woof. What a stunner. What a way to end this week. What great T.I.T.S., right?
Very Important Meme of the Week
Our meme of the week is actually from last week, so I am cheating a little bit here - but I didn't see it until this week and I'm trying to finish this week's blog on Wednesday morning so I can spend time with my kids.
This meme is fantastic. It captures the leftard standard of supporting basically anyone who seeks or has sought to dismantle capitalism (and western civilization). Though, in fairness, we do this on the right as well . . . just usually with celebrities who are willing to throw us a bone every now and then.
@HollyBriden is a genius and I strongly recommend giving her a follow.
10/10
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