Pregnant Pause

Just when I thought I had seen it all, this week I found out that pregnancy is something you can put on, like an outfit, or carry like an accessory (you know, like PTSD)

Now before the pierced, lgbtq+ , trans positive wokescolds get their ill fitting panties in a bunch and their LARP maxi pads crawl up their collective butt cracks, If you want to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex, and transition to something else, or identify as something you weren't biologically born as, DO THAT. I would never judge you for it. I might laugh at some of your outfits, but hell I pick apart everyone's outfits, including my own (this is why it takes me forever to get dressed) but there are certain things you cannot "put on."

One of those things is pregnancy. I hear the collective cries of "advanced technology may make it possible for men to carry children..." and we all saw that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where he gets pregnant in a science experiment and hilarity ensues. Good times.

This is another thing entirely:

James, Your makeup is exquisite, eyebrows are on fleek, but a prosthetic pregnant belly is not, let me repeat, NOT ACTUAL PREGNANCY.

I realize that you are part of a generation that has been inundated with airbrushed photos of celebs looking perfect and glowing as they display their bellies and everything else for the world to see.

It started with this, Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair in 1991, shocking!! Right?

Pregnancy suddenly became sexy and beautiful, and women cheered! Yes! At the literally most uncomfortable and gross point in our existence we can still be hot!!! After that you couldn't go to a checkout line in any grocery store and not see a photo of a positively glamorous pregnant woman staring back at you.

Beyonce did it:

Jessica Simpson:

Serena Williams:

Kim K from Instagram:

and on and on, because they are celebs and there is an audience for the "see! they're just like us!" pics.

These photo shoots gave a lot of people the wrong idea about what's it like to be pregnant. I would bet that each of these women after the shutter stopped clicking, had to pee, or sit down, or eat, or cry, or pee again, or waddle to their cars, or get their make-up redone because they had sweated it off, or strap on a harness to hold their belly because its heavy, or change into some sneakers one size larger, because their regular people shoes don't fit.

The fact that they could sit still long enough to get made up to cover stretch marks and posed, is a miracle. Pregnant women are shifty, and I'm not just referring to the hair trigger on their emotions, their internal organs are being rearranged by the growing child, everything is stuffed way high up in that ribcage, its painful, it requires constant movement in order to breathe right. If you can feel your feet at all, you definitely cannot see them. You have to sleep on a certain side so as not to cut off blood flow to the baby. Then there is the constant alien movement as the baby swims from one side to the other, its disconcerting, to be honest. Then when they jam a little foot into your ribs, or just the side of your uterus so hard you can see the bulge in your belly, good times.

Pregnancy changed my priorities and my body. I will never be the same, and neither will my midsection.

This is why this nonsense strikes a nerve for me.

Being pregnant IS beautiful, it made me a completely different person than I was before.

The celebs you see in the photos above are forever changed, and I'm sure every single one of them will tell you that, well all of them except for James.

James Charles is not forever changed, because he is only "experiencing" pregnancy from an entirely superficial perspective. He gets to see what its like to LOOK PREGNANT, not to BE pregnant. He gets to collect all the likes and comments on how stunning his makeup looks, and the beautiful artfully done photos and the pats on the back from his audience.

At the end of the day though, he gets to take off the belly and go back to being exactly who he is. The pregnancy is nothing more than an accessory, a costume, a LARP. If he really wanted to celebrate the pregnancy of his best friend, perhaps he should have made her the star of the photo shoot, pampered her for a day, let her be the focus. Instead he chose to celebrate himself. Narcissism. Someone looked away for 12 seconds so he took a momentous event in someone else's life and usurped it for his own gain. Pretty gross if you ask me. Maybe not so pretty, maybe just gross.