Don't worry boo, I gotchu, here's a whole damn article about why no women should wear pearls in honor of Kamala Harris.
We have collectively laughed at the Left's inability to meme for the better part of 5 years now, and so my first instinct was, just when we thought they could get any damn dumber, they tweeted a suggestion this week that women should all wear pearl necklaces in honor of Kamala Harris the VP-to-be. Apparently they don't tweet good either.
People are always trying to start a movement, especially nobodies, it makes them feel like somebodies and I get that. People wear pink ribbons and purple ribbons and hats and t-shirts and red dresses, and on and on. Everyone wants you to show your support for one thing or another. Rainbow flags, pussy hats, dicks out for Harambe, tea cozies for RBG, etc. But a pearl necklace for Kamala? Have they not heard the song? Do they not know about Urban Dictionary?
"And I was gettin' blown away
And she held it in her hand
And this is what she had to say
A pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace"
From the lyrics to ZZ Top's "Pearl Necklace"
I am entirely convinced they thought they were doing a thing, but because they live in a vacuum where history only includes the last 20 years, they don't know about a blow job song. They think "Pretty Woman" is a classic old movie where hookers are glamorous and rich men fall in love with them. They think Lena Dunham is a model for a healthy lifestyle because she eats too many nachos and wears bathing suits that don't fit. They think WAP is a womxn's rights anthem.
They think Kamala Harris is a feminist icon and a role model for young girls everywhere.
I have heard much ado recently about the incoming administration and the impending return of class to the White House. We are so lucky to have the steady hand of Joe Biden at the helm, Dr. Jill Biden, who is "America's Mom" and our much hailed VP Kamala, the girl who cried "Fweedom!" and rose to the top with sheer determination.
This my friends is what we like to call "putting lipstick on a pig," Joe Biden doesn't know what day it is, Dr. Jill can't construct a sentence to save her soul in hell and Kamala, well Kamala rose to the top with many a pearl necklace to her credit I suspect.
As it turns out the role model progressives are pointing to, used something other than her brains to get to the top. She did it the old fashioned way. She had an extramarital affair with a man twice her age who used his political power to secure her career. This affair is not disputed or denied, by either party, although we are supposed to believe it was her merit that jettisoned her to the position of top cop in California.
When we examine what modern feminism is, this seems to fit right in. You see modern feminism is all about giving women special considerations because of their plumbing. so why wouldn't Kamala use hers to get what she wants. The sad thing is about this way of thinking is that to use something other than your brains and determination to secure the top spot in any career field, is to devalue yourself. At its core this notion that women haven't succeeded because they have vaginas says that women cannot succeed without using their vaginas to get there. This isn't what we should be teaching young girls, or pointing to as "success."
Kamala Harris is a prime example of someone with ambition, but no confidence in her ability (or ability) to get where she wanted to go, so she resorted to the oldest trick in the book. Is this what we want young women to aspire to? When the going gets tough the tough get blowing?
Wake up ladies! If you want success based on your merits, stop showing your boobs and passing out handies in the parking lot. If you want people to notice your merits, you cant keep distracting them with nudes. Demand better for yourselves, and keep your pants on. That's feminism. that's power, and if enough women stood up said "yeah you are going to promote me because I'm better than everyone else here and I work harder," and then did not follow that up with some random sex act, women would be so much farther ahead.
Women continue to lock themselves up in chains of their own making. Those that would ask you to wear a pearl necklace to celebrate a woman who took the easy route to the top, (because lets face it, that's way easier than working,) they know that if you'll buy that as a success story, you'll buy anything.
So pussy warriors, and womxn's marchers and champions of pronoun positivity everywhere, wear those pearl necklaces on Wednesday, so we know who you are, so we know what you stand for.
Understand though before you put it around your neck, it's nothing more than a collar.