• Burnout

NFL Announces It is Unaware of How Game of Football is Played

I’ve been a football fan for a long time. Growing up in the 90’s, I was a fan of the K-Gun Buffalo Bills and the Favre led Packers. Think about that kind of disappointment as a 6 year old.

Anyway, the point is that football is to me what baseball was to so many earlier generations. There was a comfort and safety in the regularity of football that helped my dad and I connected even when we were really far apart. I didn’t miss games, and honestly I’d put my football knowledge up against most anybody who didn’t play or coach the game professionally.

The point of me telling you this? It’s to create contrast, because you don’t have to have grown up consuming football like a mad junkie. You really don’t even have to be familiar with basic things like blocking, or gaps, or what a penalty is. Lord only knows the NFL doesn’t know what a penalty is anymore.

No, you just have to be familiar with the single most basic element of football: 11 men line up on each side, and try to advance the ball by blocking and tackling each other. It’s less complicated than Mike Leach makes it seem.

The point is that the game involves a fair amount of contact, which makes this announcement all the more hilarious. And when you’ve lost Richard Sherman, you’ve lost:

I blame the NFL’s capitulation on all this on their breast cancer simping. They kept going after people who didn’t like football, but liked the platform that football could give them. And now we have a lousy commissioner (I miss Paul Tagliabue) making these weird decisions to appease people who--and I cannot stress this enough--do not actually like football and will kick it to the curb immediately.

This, of course, was the natural progression of NFL decisions.

Nobody knows what a holding penalty is anymore.

Nobody knows what a catch is anymore.

Nobody knows what pass interference is anymore.

And now nobody knows how to measure things.

Thankfully, we can measure the number of laughs that the NFL’s incompetence gives us. At least the SEC and Big XII should start playing football soon.

On to the mail bag:

Plaxico Burress hardest hit!

Imagine, Matty, what a "no postgame contact" rule could have done for Antonio Comartie's NFL career, or for that matter, Shawn Kemp's NBA career.

I’d say we could ask Colin Kaepernick, Croc, but we might want to just go up the depth chart and ask his supervisor, Blaine Gabbert.

If there had been six foot flags back in the day, Bill Bates might have been able to tackle Herschel Walker.


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Mathew Foldi is a Lib