• Burnout

On the Netflix Apology Tour

I’m not a South Park fan.

Don’t misunderstand: The show is really funny, but I’ve never liked it consistently enough to make it appointment viewing. Any time there’s a good episode, I see it after the fact because someone else has recommended it to me.

Anyway, the point is that there’s this really funny episode making fun of BP and their unfortunate habit of spilling oil all over. What makes it so funny is that the episode does a really good job conveying just how dishonest this--and all corporate apologies--are by their very nature. Here are some facts about corporate apologies: - Apple wasn’t sorry when they got caught offering iTunes for free while not paying artists. - Jet Blue wasn’t sorry when passengers got stuck on the tarmac for 11 hours. - BP wasn’t sorry when it spilled oil. - Goodyear wasn’t sorry when it got caught openly hating America. - Netflix wasn’t sorry when they got caught promoting pedophilia.

What these nimrods have in common is that they’re sorry you noticed. They don’t care who they hurt, what personal or environmental destruction they caused, that they only exist because of America, or that pedophilia is really extremely wrong. Like a five year old mainlining fruit roll-ups, they are only sorry because they got caught.

Which leads me back to Netflix.

To be clear, this was the artwork:

Let’s go through this apology sentence by sentence. “We're deeply sorry for the inappropriate artwork that we used for Mignonnes/Cuties.”

Here’s the thing, Bud: Literally hundreds of eyes had to go over that before it got the green light. This wasn’t Terrance the Summer Intern playing a prank on his way back to USC Film School, this was carefully calculated corporate messaging.

That your company chose to go with this, despite the fact that it is so obviously child exploitation speaks to the truth that your entire organization is irretrievably rotten from top to bottom. Any culture that would give this a go-ahead is beyond toxic. It is irreparable.

Moreover, calling this “artwork” is disingenuous on a galaxy brain scale.

This wasn’t a movie poster you clowns farmed out Korea and “oops it got lost in translation.”

These are still shots from the movie. There’s no art or nuance. It’s just a picture of the literal thing you’re promoting.

It was not OK, nor was it representative of this French film which won an award at Sundance.

Really? Because I think it’s pretty representative of a movie about 11 year old girls who begin street twerking. Which--Lawdy Lawd--just also happens to be what the movie is about.

The fact that it has won an award is laughable. That you would use a meaningless award as some barometer of morality is preposterous. Even season one of Law & Order admitted this line of thinking is a fallacy. Moreover, the idea that it’s a French film somehow absolves it of being pedophilic is baffling.

I mean…

We’ve now updated the pictures and description.

This was not a new “Pirates of the Caribbean” or a well done reboot of or sequel to “Pulp Fiction.” Up until the last few days, the number of people who knew this film existed outside of the very child-rapey film world was statistically insignificant. In theory, you had an unlimited amount of time to prep your description.

What you came up with was this: “Amy, 11, becomes fascinated with a twerking dance crew. Hoping to join them, she starts to explore her femininity, defying her family's traditions.”

The fact is that you knew what you were putting, because you knew what you were marketing. You’re not upset about pedophilia at all, you’re just upset you got caught promoting it.

The thing is, Kelly, in their minds, the award helps, because shiny trinkets are what these people value above all else except unspoiled children for raping. Therein lies the problem: Netflix loves child rape because child rape is apparently going to make Netflix money. Which leads me to this:

One of my best friends in real life likes to tell me that “if there’s a world government trying to secretly rule us, they’re doing a really bad job.”

Allow me to suggest that perhaps there’s more truth to this than he thinks. The fact is that for years, we’ve been told that the theory that our elites are being controlled by a cabal of pedophiles is nonsense, and that the social stratosphere doesn’t engage in that kind of behavior. And yet, Bill Clinton speaks at the DNC, Epstein gets whacked when he finally runs out of cards, there was literally a pedophile island, and Netflix is making this show for somebody. Even if the Pizza Gate stuff isn’t real, I’m convinced that Netflix loves child rape because:

One of the guiding principles behind corporate slacktivism is that it’s soulless on a hall of fame caliber level.

There’s a subset of corporate slacktivism where companies make a marketing campaign around being for or against something. This happens when there’s usually no downside. It was especially prevalent for a while; companies would make marketing campaigns around how racism is bad or something.

This is an extremely safe position that probably scores PR points. Seriously, I’m pretty sure the only pro-racism person left is Jussie Smollet.

That Netflix feels it is somehow incapable of issuing a statement that they do not condone child exploitation should tell you everything you need to know about their mission.

Cancel them the way they would cancel you for believing in God, loving America, or raising a child for love instead of orgasms.


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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib