• Nero

Make America Cool Again

It is easy to be down these days. Several of our cities are overrun with rioters that the press wants you to believe are “peaceful protesters”. We have been in some form of a lockdown economically for months because of a virus that kills less than 1 percent of those afflicted. The nation is stuck in a self imposed malaise. One need look no further than the trainwreck of a hearing the House Judiciary Committee held today with Attorney General Barr to realize that politically the Democrats no longer see the Republicans, and much of the nation, as opposition but as the enemy. It’s enough to make me want to just give up and flee to a cabin in the woods. However if you look deeper you will see there actually is some hope.

Nero and his good friend the Kentucky Cocaine Bear showing you how cool guns, boozes, and smokes are
America needs heroes like the Marlboro Man again. Pictured here as our own Publius

In the midst of all this darkness I noticed that Altria, the company that makes you those Marlboro cigarettes enjoy, announced better than expected earnings with better than expected growth forecast for the rest of the year. This coupled with the record setting firearms purchasing and increased alcohol sales throughout the pandemic made me think that maybe, just maybe, America was becoming cool again.

With this in mind I poured a glass of bourbon, turned on some Frank Sinatra, and went to work on this article about how we at Flappr with the help of you all can “Make America Cool Again”. Imagine, if you will, a world where people aren’t scared to go outside. Where they accept that the cost of living is that you may get sick and may, clutch the pearls, die. A world where anti-heroes still exist. Where we know that real rebels don’t need a cause.


What is cooler than leather jackets and motorcycles? Phil and Burnout will tell you nothing is

In all honesty can we really say that the society we have today is better than that our grandparents had? Today people sit in front of screens all day. They have every need provided for them with little or no effort. It is natural for humans to want to earn what they get. The sense of satisfaction from achievement releases the serotonin needed by the brain to prevent a person from falling into a pit of emotional wallow. Today the only type of achievements people seem to get are from video games. Is that really what we want?

Elder Bartleby's hat is what made James Dean so damn cool

The characters we admire are never those who play it safe. Nobody wants to be the dork who does what they are supposed to do when they grow up. No we idolize the selfish, reckless, scoundrels with a heart of gold. We want the kind of friends who will knife someone if they piss us off. When did we start playing it safe? America was built on being arrogant and careless. You know what is cool? Going to the fucking moon because the Russians put a satellite that beeped up in space. We went to the moon in an era when people just expected to get sick, the MMR vaccine not being fully introduced until 1971. If we had a society as frightened as this current iteration in the 1960s we would never get to the moon.

AstheworldBurnz proves there is no cooler accessory than a glass of Scotch

All day I see people upset about things that really don’t affect them. I see people jumping at each other's throats because of politics. When did politics become something people talked about? Wasn’t everyone happier when politics were kept private? The cool kids never talked about politics. Can’t we just try to be cool. Don’t ask someone who they are voting for. Accept that there are valid reasons for someone to have opposing views. Turning politics into a religion has had disastrous consequences. Do you really want to live in a society where 62 percent of people are afraid to speak their minds?

You know what is really cool? Having a friend like Kosher Doll who is willing to kill for you

I don’t know about you but I am going to do my best to just be cool. It’s more fun to be cool. Worrying about what comes next only wastes the day so please heed my words and just be cool. Look I am not saying that it is easy. I have always tried to do things the way I wanted rather than what was expected. This often caused conflict and really made my life more difficult that needed to be at times but in the end it was always worth it. If you ask most people what they regret it will be the things they didn’t do. So just be cool and live for yourself. Maybe things won’t always be easy but when all is said and done if nothing else you will be able to say you did it your way.




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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib