Major Biden Unleashed

If you have literally anything better to do with your life, you probably didn't hear about the Biden dogs been exiled from the White House earlier this week. Yes, it appears that Major and Champ are back in Delaware after Major, the younger of the two, allegedly bit a Secret Service member on the hand:

NBC reports that Major nipped a Secret Service agent's hand but that no skin was broken and the agent hasn't missed any work as a result. Or at least that's the story the White House is choosing to sell to the American people.

Meanwhile a clever satire account on Twitter, @Major_Biden_, is telling a different tail (get it, its a dog pun):

The dog, apparently able to tweet our messages using an app designed by his friend, Elon Musk, insists that he did not bite anyone and is instead an attempted whistleblower being silenced by the Deep State (his Brother, Champ):

According to "Major", he stumbled upon documents exposing the Biden administration's "kids in kennels" program; however, before he could leave the White House with the evidence, he was discovered by Hunter and Champ Biden:

Wonder where he got that habit from. . . Anyways, the dogs apparently agreed that silence was the best option until Champ betrayed Major upon orders from "on high". A violent altercation ensued:

Where "Major" is now remains a mystery, as he ended his story before sharing its conclusion or disclosing his whereabouts. Yet, according to "Major", he is not in Delaware and is somehwere currently contemplating next steps with his friend, Elon Musk:

We will be sure to update you on any new developments in this harrowing drama.

Happy Wednesday. God Bless America.